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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this creepy?

30 replies

Katherine9 · 18/05/2025 09:28

Over the past few weeks, a young chap in my local supermarket has been quite friendly when I've gone in but nothing I thought too much about - just the usual "hello", "how are you?", "finished work?" type comments. He asked my name once (Katherine) which I gave. Then a few days ago, I got a friend request from a name I didn't recognise, and ignored it. When this person started liking old posts from years ago and messaging saying 'hi', I responded to say I don't think we've met, to which he replied 'we have'. It started to feel a bit creepy, and then he said he works in my local shop. I haven't replied or done anything with the friend request, and probably won't go into the shop again.

I'm 50 - easily at least twice his age, the biggest I've ever been (officially obese), and aging more like a dried grape than a fine wine, so very much doubt this is an attraction issue. But the weirdest bit is his thinking it was ok to try to add me in the first place, and I'm not sure how he could have found me without my last name.

Am I being unreasonable to think this is a bit creepy?

OP posts:
LoafofSellotape · 18/05/2025 09:31

I think you've pulled 😂 Just block him on SM if you're not comfortable with contact.

Goditsmemargaret · 18/05/2025 09:32

Yes I think it's quite creepy. I would avoid him both irl and block him online.

As an aside though don't use language like that to describe yourself, there are many ways to be beautiful beyond young and skinny.

ClaudiaDark · 18/05/2025 11:44

It's more than creepy, it's unprofessional of him. How did he find you on Facebook if he only knows your first name?! I'm worried that he's somehow managed to access your surname. And how is he liking your posts? You might want to lock your settings down

Wishboneswishes · 18/05/2025 11:48

I’d block him and shop somewhere else for a while!

Beebumble2 · 18/05/2025 11:54

yes creepy, maybe he’s looking for a mother figure! He could be a romance scammer.

InSpainTheRain · 18/05/2025 11:55

Yes it is creepy! Personally I'd block him and not go in that store for a while. This is not to minimise what he's done (but another perspective in case you are freaking out like I probably would), but does he see you as a more "mother figure". Maybe he has a hard time getting on with people and he's taken the fact that you said hello as meaning you want to be friends. He's 100% wrong for doing this though - block and avoid!!

ChocolateGanache · 18/05/2025 12:02

Sorry hit yabu by mistake and it wont let me change the vote!

it’s odd. Block and ignore op.

Ohnobackagain · 18/05/2025 12:12

@Katherine9 you need to make your profile visible only to friends and/or family. You don’t want someone who doesn’t know you to be able to see your friends list either. He might have found you from someone else who knows you, whose friends list you’re on. Especially if your profile picture is clearly you.

IPM · 18/05/2025 12:28

Why have you left your profile open for randoms to see your photos?

I hope none of them include children.

Fimofriend · 18/05/2025 12:35

Make your Facebook private. Mine has been private from the start. My Facebook friends have been divided into groups and most of them think that I only post once or twice a year when actually they just cannot see the majority of my posts. Not that I post often.

TacCat49 · 18/05/2025 12:40

If you pay by credit card 💳 he probably picked up your surname from the card.

Lurkingandlearning · 18/05/2025 12:44

ClaudiaDark · 18/05/2025 11:44

It's more than creepy, it's unprofessional of him. How did he find you on Facebook if he only knows your first name?! I'm worried that he's somehow managed to access your surname. And how is he liking your posts? You might want to lock your settings down

Maybe he served her and checked the name on her card if it wasn’t a contact transaction. Hopefully it wasn’t more sinister sleuthing than that.

OP I have been using the same shops and cafes for years and no one has ever asked me my name, so yes that would definitely be creepy round here. It’s not just me, I never hear customers’ names being used.

If you live in a friendly place maybe he just misjudged what is appropriate.

ButterCrackers · 18/05/2025 12:46

Block, remove public posts (there’s a privacy checkup you can do) and shop elsewhere. If you spot him outside your home, following you or if he persists online do let the police know.

dogcatkitten · 18/05/2025 12:47

I doubt it's a romance scam if he works in a local supermarket. Maybe he thinks of customers as friends, it's not so long ago that you knew all the shopkeepers in your local village or small town by name and would tell them all your news while buying your meat and veg. I would still pass the time of day in a couple of shops, the local corner shop and a butchers I've used for years.

Do you post on local facebook or other groups, where he might have seen you? Is he OK or a bit odd in person? If you find it worrying don't shop there and don't reply to any approaches on social media.

Olika · 18/05/2025 12:49

makes me feel uncomfortable and I would block him.

RosesAndHellebores · 18/05/2025 12:51

I think in the kindest way you should nip this in the bud and speak to the store manager. It breaches a boundary.

And make your FBook private.

BeTwinklyKhakiPanda · 18/05/2025 12:57

Just tell him you only accept friend requests from people you know and reject it. If he's weird when you go to the store just say 'please leave me alone' if necessary, slightly loudly, very firmly, when his manager is nearby.

Don't let him stop you using the store. Grey rock is a strategy here too

Caligirl80 · 18/05/2025 13:07

Katherine9 · 18/05/2025 09:28

Over the past few weeks, a young chap in my local supermarket has been quite friendly when I've gone in but nothing I thought too much about - just the usual "hello", "how are you?", "finished work?" type comments. He asked my name once (Katherine) which I gave. Then a few days ago, I got a friend request from a name I didn't recognise, and ignored it. When this person started liking old posts from years ago and messaging saying 'hi', I responded to say I don't think we've met, to which he replied 'we have'. It started to feel a bit creepy, and then he said he works in my local shop. I haven't replied or done anything with the friend request, and probably won't go into the shop again.

I'm 50 - easily at least twice his age, the biggest I've ever been (officially obese), and aging more like a dried grape than a fine wine, so very much doubt this is an attraction issue. But the weirdest bit is his thinking it was ok to try to add me in the first place, and I'm not sure how he could have found me without my last name.

Am I being unreasonable to think this is a bit creepy?

My suggestion would be to block the guy, and put your FB settings to private, at least for a while.

If he tries talking to you at the supermarket just remember that you don't owe him any kind of explanation whatsoever. You can ignore him if you wish. If you do want to speak to him you can say something along the lines that boundaries are important to you, that your FB is for friends and family only and you don't like getting DMs from people you don't know - that you wish him the best but you're just at the supermarket to get your groceries. Presumably the supermarket has more than one checkout line etc so you can still go there and not have to interact with him. If he approaches you and you don't wish to interact with him then just do the "i'm on the phone" thing. And if he continues to bother you then speak to the supermarket manager about it - they shouldn't be trying to make new friends etc while at work.

Original poster
Katherine9 · 19/05/2025 14:27

ClaudiaDark · 18/05/2025 11:44

It's more than creepy, it's unprofessional of him. How did he find you on Facebook if he only knows your first name?! I'm worried that he's somehow managed to access your surname. And how is he liking your posts? You might want to lock your settings down

My profile has only my profile photo and basic details, and a few really old 'live your best life' type memes (pre-2020!) which he liked. I'm wondering if he could find out my name from my using card payments at the self-service tills or took note of before I'd even noticed or spoke with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Katherine9 · 19/05/2025 14:28

Beebumble2 · 18/05/2025 11:54

yes creepy, maybe he’s looking for a mother figure! He could be a romance scammer.

You know, that might be possible!

OP posts:
Original poster
Katherine9 · 19/05/2025 14:31

BeTwinklyKhakiPanda · 18/05/2025 12:57

Just tell him you only accept friend requests from people you know and reject it. If he's weird when you go to the store just say 'please leave me alone' if necessary, slightly loudly, very firmly, when his manager is nearby.

Don't let him stop you using the store. Grey rock is a strategy here too

I had to google grey rock but agree - ignore and avoid is the best way forward.

OP posts:
Katemax82 · 19/05/2025 14:32

Katherine9 · 18/05/2025 09:28

Over the past few weeks, a young chap in my local supermarket has been quite friendly when I've gone in but nothing I thought too much about - just the usual "hello", "how are you?", "finished work?" type comments. He asked my name once (Katherine) which I gave. Then a few days ago, I got a friend request from a name I didn't recognise, and ignored it. When this person started liking old posts from years ago and messaging saying 'hi', I responded to say I don't think we've met, to which he replied 'we have'. It started to feel a bit creepy, and then he said he works in my local shop. I haven't replied or done anything with the friend request, and probably won't go into the shop again.

I'm 50 - easily at least twice his age, the biggest I've ever been (officially obese), and aging more like a dried grape than a fine wine, so very much doubt this is an attraction issue. But the weirdest bit is his thinking it was ok to try to add me in the first place, and I'm not sure how he could have found me without my last name.

Am I being unreasonable to think this is a bit creepy?

Sorry the "ageing like a dried grape" made me laugh

Original poster
Katherine9 · 19/05/2025 14:36

Katemax82 · 19/05/2025 14:32

Sorry the "ageing like a dried grape" made me laugh

Show quote history

Well, I felt the wine reference was important!

OP posts:
Groundhogday2025 · 19/05/2025 14:36

So bloody inconvenient having to find a different shop when it’s your nearest one. That alone makes me angry for you, OP.

Rainbowshine · 19/05/2025 14:41

I had similar with a chap at the supermarket, he was just too familiar and nosy/intrusive with his conversations with me, and I saw him with other women too. I was chatting to a work colleague about it and she said he was “known” for being like this around town too. I emailed the store manager about my experience in the spirit of “I would want to know this if it was my business and employee”. I got a decent reply from them and they were going to give him some feedback and training and supervision when he was doing customer facing tasks for a while. I still go into the store and he’s there, the behaviour seems better and I think he just needed telling that he was being over friendly and that he was being watched so that it had the effect of moderating his behaviour.