Page 2 | (TW SA) Husband Said He Could Make Me Homeless

TheCoralMoose · 2025-05-17T23:56:05+00:00

Ok. I have been married 23 years he is much older. He has always been controlling but got much worse the last 9 years. The other day he produced a daft sex toy a dildo thing inside a plastic cactus. He stuck it up me said enjoy it i couldnt. He got angry and struck me across the face with it. Always putting me down. He hates my family i hardly see them since we married. Forces me to socialise with his family he has 2 grown children. He goes to a pub every night. When i stood up to him today he said i can move out he owns the house. I think my name is on the deeds but not certain. I have been diagnosed with depression he says im lying trying to get attention from my doctor. What can i do.

DarkLindt · 18/05/2025 11:03

Ginmonkeyagain · 18/05/2025 08:46

You need to go to the police. Your husband has physically and sexually assaulted you.

This. No use posting about it on MN - you have been raped, act on it.

DarkLindt · 18/05/2025 11:05

Ginmonkeyagain · 18/05/2025 08:46

You need to go to the police. Your husband has physically and sexually assaulted you.

Agree 100%

Original poster

TheCoralMoose · 18/05/2025 22:51

Not just me something happened nearly 8 years ago i cannot forgive myself for.

My cat who was 19 took very ill one day and i just knew she was at the end.
He took her upstairs and plunged her under a hot shower she had peed on herself her back legs no longer worked she started to fail that day.
She let out a little cry.
He put her in the dining room on her own said she couldnt come in our bedroom she would keep him awake.
She died on her own in the early hours.
Yet when his daughter comes round with her dog he is nearly all over it.

OP posts:

MiloMinderbinder925 · 18/05/2025 22:58

You can contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline', it's open 24/7 or Refuge webchat Mon-Fri until 10pm or Sat-Sun until 6pm

ItGhoul · 18/05/2025 23:07

TheCoralMoose · 18/05/2025 22:51

Not just me something happened nearly 8 years ago i cannot forgive myself for.

My cat who was 19 took very ill one day and i just knew she was at the end.
He took her upstairs and plunged her under a hot shower she had peed on herself her back legs no longer worked she started to fail that day.
She let out a little cry.
He put her in the dining room on her own said she couldnt come in our bedroom she would keep him awake.
She died on her own in the early hours.
Yet when his daughter comes round with her dog he is nearly all over it.

Again, just listing the horrific things he has done on Mumsnet isn’t going to help you.

You need to take steps to leave and/or report his sexual abuse, rape and coercive control to the police. You have been given lots of good advice, so don’t keep ignoring it. You’re not helpless. He cannot make you homeless.

Have you called any helplines yet? When are you going to do that? Your abuser goes to the pub every night. Could you call the national domestic abuse hotline while he’s out?

Fruitbat99 · 18/05/2025 23:10

You've posted several times asking for help, you really need to take peoples advice.

DelphiniumBlue · 18/05/2025 23:41

What can you do? Go to the police and report the assault, then file for divorce and half the marital assets, including the house.
Meanwhile, is there somewhere you can go temporarily? Can you rent somewhere, or sofasurf until you can sort out some money?
See A solicitor about registering your right to occupy the house, and getting the divorce underway.
You really don’t have to put up with this.

Bigcat25 · 19/05/2025 00:12

I'm so sorry op. hoping you can get some irl support. I wonder if even making a call could be a good first step, even if you don't put any pressure to act on it, or act on it right away. You know this but taking many yrs to leave is totally normal.

MNpenisadvisor · 19/05/2025 01:20

Fruitbat99 · 18/05/2025 23:10

You've posted several times asking for help, you really need to take peoples advice.

This. What are you looking for on here??

MiloMinderbinder925 · 19/05/2025 01:29

Please keep posting OP. Yes it's abuse and yes there's help available.

Bigcat25 · 19/05/2025 02:07

MNpenisadvisor · 19/05/2025 01:20

This. What are you looking for on here??

Show quote history

Maybe to have some support and know somebody is listening. When somebody (might) feel very low please don't make them feel worse. It can be very hard to leave for many reasons.

Do you have any income or access to funds op? Please talk to someone about what kind of shelter options might be out there. I would want to find out who's name the house is in, ie is there any chance he but it in a kids name or something weird like that. (This is probably unlikely.) The court can help you divide assets.

Original poster

TheCoralMoose · 20/05/2025 01:25

I told him today i dont really like him anymore and have not done for a long time.

Told him he has abused me he denied he is a bully.
He said i could have half of the house as long has the property i buy with it goes to his children if i remarry or meet someone else or die can he do that.
I dont want him to meet someone else only for them to get the same.
I did phone refuge they said i really should report it to my local police force and see my GP who will put it on my records.
Refuge said domestic abusers get added to a register now and anyone with concerns about a new partner can access it through the police.
If i see him with a female i will tell them about him.

OP posts:

Finallyready79 · 20/05/2025 01:35

Well done! You’ve been incredibly brave. He cannot force you to leave anything to anyone in a will even whilst married, but especially not once separated. Promise him whatever you have to to get everything signed off and him out of your life. Make sure you update your will though as divorce does not nullify an old one. If you don’t have one, definitely make one so you can choose where everything goes and to whom!

I hope you can find the courage to report him to the police, but understand if you can’t. It’s not easy.

Original poster

TheCoralMoose · 20/05/2025 02:11

Finallyready79 · 20/05/2025 01:35

Well done! You’ve been incredibly brave. He cannot force you to leave anything to anyone in a will even whilst married, but especially not once separated. Promise him whatever you have to to get everything signed off and him out of your life. Make sure you update your will though as divorce does not nullify an old one. If you don’t have one, definitely make one so you can choose where everything goes and to whom!

I hope you can find the courage to report him to the police, but understand if you can’t. It’s not easy.

He said if i meet anyone else male or female he can force me to sell the property i buy.
Surely if i get half and we divorce i can leave it to who i choose.
Will a decree absolute be enough or do i need a clean break too.
I dont want his kids years down the line trying to get anything of mine or my family's.

OP posts:

ItGhoul · 20/05/2025 02:30

TheCoralMoose · 20/05/2025 02:11

He said if i meet anyone else male or female he can force me to sell the property i buy.
Surely if i get half and we divorce i can leave it to who i choose.
Will a decree absolute be enough or do i need a clean break too.
I dont want his kids years down the line trying to get anything of mine or my family's.

Edited

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He’s talking utter bullshit. He can’t force you to do anything of the sort. He just tells you these things to scare you and control you. Honestly, just ignore him and don’t engage with him.

You’ve done so well to speak to Refuge and to tell this disgusting abusive man that you’re leaving. It takes real courage to do that! Well done xx

Pickingdates · 20/05/2025 07:48

He's an abusive liar.

Listen to the advice you were given.

GP and police.
Then you could be eligible for free legal aid to help you.

You can do this.

SingtotheCat · 20/05/2025 08:14

Have you phoned the police yet?

Elsvieta · 20/05/2025 10:01

TheCoralMoose · 20/05/2025 01:25

I told him today i dont really like him anymore and have not done for a long time.

Told him he has abused me he denied he is a bully.
He said i could have half of the house as long has the property i buy with it goes to his children if i remarry or meet someone else or die can he do that.
I dont want him to meet someone else only for them to get the same.
I did phone refuge they said i really should report it to my local police force and see my GP who will put it on my records.
Refuge said domestic abusers get added to a register now and anyone with concerns about a new partner can access it through the police.
If i see him with a female i will tell them about him.

He doesn't decide what you'll get, a court does. It's not up to him, although he's trying to fool you into thinking it is. You need a lawyer; get one.

FatherFrosty · 20/05/2025 10:04

Darling what he’s done to you is horrific. And I know it will be the tip of the iceberg to what you’ve lived through.

its utterly exhausting being a prey animal isn’t it

CharityShopMensGlasses · 20/05/2025 10:05

You need to get any financial evidence you can now (as he can change things later on). And get a divorce. You have to have a financial order now as part of ant divorce. He won't have any control of any assets you have after the divorce.

Caroparo52 · 20/05/2025 10:24

He's lying. Speak to a solicitor. You are entitled to half the marital assets. Any pensions, money, house

MiloMinderbinder925 · 20/05/2025 13:46

TheCoralMoose · 20/05/2025 02:11

He said if i meet anyone else male or female he can force me to sell the property i buy.
Surely if i get half and we divorce i can leave it to who i choose.
Will a decree absolute be enough or do i need a clean break too.
I dont want his kids years down the line trying to get anything of mine or my family's.

Edited

Show quote history

You can contact Rights of Women for free legal advice.

Original poster

TheCoralMoose · 20/05/2025 15:07

He wants to do a deal.
If i dont tell anyone otr the police solicitor etc about what he has done he will let me have half and im free to get on with my life.
If i do then he will destroy me.
He said he has loads of pub mates some good some bad including drug dealers and if i do say anything i will be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my naturals.

OP posts:

MiloMinderbinder925 · 20/05/2025 16:28

TheCoralMoose · 20/05/2025 15:07

He wants to do a deal.
If i dont tell anyone otr the police solicitor etc about what he has done he will let me have half and im free to get on with my life.
If i do then he will destroy me.
He said he has loads of pub mates some good some bad including drug dealers and if i do say anything i will be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my naturals.

Do you have any evidence of this for example was it said over text or was there a witness?

You need a safety plan to get away from him because he sounds dangerous. My advice would be to go to a refuge.

From there you can organise the divorce, get legal advice, find out about benefits and access other support.

Rights of Women can give you free legal advice, the CABx can advise and there may be other help available through the refuge.

You can contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline for refuge space. You can also contact your local domestic abuse organisation to find out what's available locally.

Please stop discussing leaving with your husband as you're very vulnerable right now. The less he knows the better.

Nanny0gg · 20/05/2025 16:44

TheCoralMoose · 20/05/2025 15:07

He wants to do a deal.
If i dont tell anyone otr the police solicitor etc about what he has done he will let me have half and im free to get on with my life.
If i do then he will destroy me.
He said he has loads of pub mates some good some bad including drug dealers and if i do say anything i will be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my naturals.

Why are you not answering the posts telling you exactly what to do?