I’m 30, a SAHM with a toddler and currently pregnant with number two. I’ve always dreamt of having children and find motherhood more fulfilling than any job I’ve had.
Lately though, I’ve found keeping in touch with non-mum friends increasingly like a chore, and I feel guilty about it. For example, my maid of honour is my uni bestie and an all-round lovely person, but our recent lunches or theatre trips just leave me feeling a bit… flat. I’d rather put my daughter to bed, read her bedtime stories and be cozied up on the sofa by 9pm with my husband, than out watching a show and making conversation. Our texts used to be fun, now responding to them feels like another thing on my to do list: “Here’s a jacket I bought,” “My cousin’s new boyfriend,” “Ugh, hate my boyfriend’s mum,” “Look, I made fajitas!” All topics is excitedly respond to a few years ago.
Same with an old work friend—she’s lovely, and I enjoy the occasional update (new house, ex-colleague gossip), but anything more than a yearly catch-up feels like effort I don’t have.
These were people I once couldn’t imagine life without, and now I find myself preferring time with mum friends I’d only met in the last few years. Maybe because our chats—about schools, sleep regressions, or local events—just feel more relevant. Watching our kids play and chatter melts my heart. I also spend a lot of time with my parents, in-laws, and my SIL who has a little one too.
But part of me wonders—am I being unfair? Is it wrong to drift from people just because we’re in different phases of life? Should I be trying harder to maintain those pre-mum friendships now, in case I feel their absence once the chaos settles and the kids are in school? Will the mum friends still be around then?
Would love to hear from anyone who’s been through this—what did you do?