I hate my husband

[LTB2025]

I absolutely hate him. He’s wrecked 15 years of my life. He’s a nasty man who dismisses me, destroys my self esteem and has isolated me from all my family.

my question is how can I survive the next 2 years in this situation? I’ve set myself a time. I’ve got a new job and my kids are 9 and 5 so they are getting older. I want to be able to survive these couple of years and get on with my life. He’s not abusive physically and the kids adore him. He’s destroyed me I have out on 4 stones since all the crap began, I have no friends as I don’t want to meet people. Please help me come up with a plan

Why are you waiting 2 years? Life is short. Get out now.

it sounds like long term plan is sorted, which is an amazing first step. But I agree with the others, try and get out sooner.
In the meantime are you able to:
*build bridges with some of those family members and friends who you lost?
*minimise the time you spend with him - can you visit the gym some evenings / mornings or start a new hobby?
*find ways to distract yourself - read books, learn to crochet

use these two years to remember who you are, ready for your future life xxx

Why 2 years? You need to leave

Emotionally detach
Stop giving him power over who you see, how you look, and how you feel
Build bridges with family & friends

Choose a different life.

Sorry to hear about your situation OP. Why do you want to wait 2 years?

If you've absolutely no choice but to remain for the next two years then my advice would be to see the GP and get some antidepressants. I was stuck with someone for a few months and the medication helped me to psychologically distance myself from his crap and not let him affect my mind anymore. It gave me the clarity to move forward and see things through.

What happens in 2 years? Won't your kids be even more damaged by then?

Maybe you could sleep in a separate room for these two years, get some distance. Say it’s because of snoring or something.

I recommend strength training three times a week, be it weightlifting or Pilates. It does wonders for your body and mind.

Meditation can help you to remain focused in your end goal. Get professional help from a psychologist.

Make contact with your family again. Separate your finances and save your money.

good luck. I hope it works out for you.

Please don't spend two more years of your precious life with this man.

If you must wait 2 years, then I'd taken it down to a total roommate level. Only cook for the kids, don't ask how his day was, have your own dinner and watch your own program in the evenings. Find a reason to sleep separately. Get space.

I'd also work on thinking about yourself rather than thinking about him at all. Healthy eating plan, long walks during your lunch break if possible, which would be good for your mental health too, some new clothes that make you feel better about yourself. When you don't have to be near him, don't let yourself think about him. Try to compartmentalize. It's like having a bad boss--you wouldn't want to think about them on non-work hours, right? Enjoy the time when you don't have to be near your H.

I'd also speak to someone about what to do financially over these next 2 years.

15 years why have kids in that time with him why 2 year.

Thank you all. I just need to save money maybe not 2 years but I can’t leave right now as I have zero savings. I have no family here either so I need to have some savings

Any savings will be considered a marital asset.

Have you engaged with Women's aid for advice and support?
I think you could hugely benefit from real life support.

Coercive control keeps you from family and support.
Can you tell your family the truth about him and your future plans?

Yea, you need to get cash out every now and then and keep them somewhere super safe. I think if you get cash out from the cashier when you shop at the supermarket it just looks like you have spent the money there. It's more suspicious if you keep taking large amounts out of the atm. Maybe bring some to your parents every time you see them to safeguard them. It's not the most honest approach but if he is as bad as you say you will definitely need a few thousand when you leave so you can pay a deposit on a rental flat etc.

-Reach out to a trusted family member, build bridges and confide.
-Save money. Keep some hidden. Online banks like Revolut with little paper trail will help.
-You can see for yourself what's going on, so keep his words from impacting you, easier said than done.
-Work on yourself, ditch the weight of that's what you want to do. Focus on your own wellbeing and the kids.
-make some friends through work, create yourself a support system.
-see a lawyer, know your rights and restrictions, particularly with regards to kids.

Good luck xx

As per other post, half money will be a marital asset. Good idea to get some cash, also consider supermarket gift cards (depending on use by dates).

I think you're right to plan your escape rather than just go now, but I would really work on your health before going, 4 stone is a lot of stress on your heart.

Agree, as she sounds extremely stressed dieting will probably be difficult, she sounds like a good candidate for Ozempic or something similar

Why did you marry him

Look at online videos ( maybe on YouTube) on assertiveness and start standing up to him and challenging him…every time he puts you down / says something nasty to you, do something similar back to him…. As you have already decided to leave you have absolutely nothing to loose by standing up to him and it will massively help your self esteem

Stupid bloody question.

Pretty pointless question at this stage

Whose name is the house in?

Exercise agency, your body, your life, your choices.

Get therapy. Women's aid.