Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Work colleague thinks it’s ok to steal my job because I’m “just” bank!

278 replies

fib88 · 17/05/2025 05:09

I work in a hospital and been in my job 2.5 years - I am on a zero hours contract (bank staff) and as such considered a temporary worker (so basically have no employee rights). The hospital are making 500 redundancies and looking at which staff to get rid of with bank employees being first in the firing line.

A permanent staff member, being a woman that I work closely with, who sits next to me (and I considered a close friend) has gone behind my back and offered to do my job resulting in her being allowed to do part of my role at weekends and is being paid overtime for this. She has made my position even more vulnerable now. To say I’m devastated at her betrayal would be an understatement. Because of her actions I’m literally hanging on to my job by a thread. She is very close with our manager (go back years) and this is how she has managed to talk her away into being allowed to do this. She is lazy, constantly being complained about my other members of our team for passing her work to others, including me. She talks all day and doesn’t pull her weight. She has had at least 10 weeks of faux sickness over the two years I have known her whilst I’ve had four days in total (Covid) and work very hard with hardly any holidays off over that 2 years.

I don’t know how to handle this, she knows I’m unhappy and has said such to other employees and passes it off as “it is what it is and she need to get over it”! if I complain to our manager, he will take her side as they have a long history together. She is going on holiday and keeps complaining she needs the money badly as she in debt.

The fact that a so called friend would betray me, who incidentally I’ve stuck up for repeatedly has gutted me, my question is how do I behave going forward - if I kick off they’ll get rid of me anyway for being a troublemaker. I just don’t know how to behave and what is my best course of action?.

Needless to say she is not my friend anymore, but I still have to keep up the pretence/professional front in the office. I haven’t been able to sleep for days over this. Maybe I’m just got to accept what she’s doing is acceptable in the workplace. I feel very disillusioned with people right now.

OP posts:
GRex · 17/05/2025 12:05

IShouldNotCoco · 17/05/2025 11:58

People do become close friends at work - it’s not unusual! They even get married sometimes.

The colleague is clearly not a friend; you speak badly of her and she isn't fussed about you leaving.
What has this non-friendship got to do with people who do become friends or lovers at work? In any scenario people can become friends; neighbours, colleagues, school run, dog walk, cycling, pub... the point was that acquaintances who snipe at each other are not friends.

OP - your 5 days full time being done by her in one weekend day is not more expensive at 40% overtime, it's cheaper.

IShouldNotCoco · 17/05/2025 12:07

GRex · 17/05/2025 12:05

The colleague is clearly not a friend; you speak badly of her and she isn't fussed about you leaving.
What has this non-friendship got to do with people who do become friends or lovers at work? In any scenario people can become friends; neighbours, colleagues, school run, dog walk, cycling, pub... the point was that acquaintances who snipe at each other are not friends.

OP - your 5 days full time being done by her in one weekend day is not more expensive at 40% overtime, it's cheaper.

Edited

OP says they were ‘close friends’. I doubt that is because they sit together.

IShouldNotCoco · 17/05/2025 12:08

I do agree though that the NHS will find ways to save money because, of course, it’s on its knees. I think it’s reasonable to be upset though when you realise that someone who you thought was a friend definitely wasn’t .

MatildaMovesMountains · 17/05/2025 12:11

IShouldNotCoco · 17/05/2025 12:05

I was responding to a previous poster who seemed to be suggesting that it was laughable that you could consider a work colleague a trustworthy friend.

Yes, I know - I just thought your point was a bit silly.

GRex · 17/05/2025 12:15

IShouldNotCoco · 17/05/2025 12:07

OP says they were ‘close friends’. I doubt that is because they sit together.

And yet supplied nothing about this suppised friendship. This isn't "we went to each other's weddings, do a pub quiz every thursday, family BBQs a few times a year" territory. From the information given this literally is just someone OP sits next to whispering about how management are trying to get her out.

time4anothername · 17/05/2025 12:17

sorry I haven't rtft, I'm sure there is some good advice in there. Replying to say I feel for you and would say, try to remember you are right and not going mad.

The employee who is honest and reliable should be the one that is kept on. Horrifically, the NHS is littered with management cultures that look after no 1, exploit people who are givers (that's the majority of staff who go into healthcare) and draw in others around them who have the "about me" attitude.

This is why I believe these upcoming cuts will fail miserably and make the running of NHS services even worse. The good will be cut and those who are Machievellian will find a way for them and their cronies to stay.

It's awful that a good staff member like you might be prioritised over one who is way less good at the job and sees the generous sick pay in the NHS as their right to take as if it is an addition to their already very generous annual leave.

This is a wake up call to look after yourself and not be naive about the organisation. Read up about moral distress caused by working in environments that go against your values.

Mardychum · 17/05/2025 12:28

How are we defining honest? By the person that tells someone info about their performance from a meeting they didn’t attend? I’d be pulled up if I did that. I think it’s poor behaviour and shit stirry.

MounjaroMounjaro · 17/05/2025 12:31

I think you've not helped yourself by doing her work for her and telling her what the manager told you. This isn't professional behaviour.

Do your own job. Don't let others give you their work while they sit and chat. That's just stupid.

MatildaMovesMountains · 17/05/2025 12:32

OP, now you've had a bit of a vent and lots of responses, do you have any thoughts on how you can make your situation more secure going forward?

gattocattivo · 17/05/2025 12:40

Mardychum · 17/05/2025 12:28

How are we defining honest? By the person that tells someone info about their performance from a meeting they didn’t attend? I’d be pulled up if I did that. I think it’s poor behaviour and shit stirry.

I agree with this. The OP started the thread very emotionally feeling she’s been betrayed. But actually she passed on discussion which happened in a private management meeting to her ‘friend.’ Of course the manager shouldn’t have disclosed the info in the first place but the OP didn’t deal with it correctly.

also, how honest is it to routinely take on someone else’s work? Basically, that’s colluding with the wasteful culture. By covering for her ‘friend’ the OP is making it look like there’s too much work for the permanent staff and that she, as bank staff, is essential. She’s been protecting her own position because if she wasn’t taking on this extra work, she might well be offered less hours herself!

FeatherDawn · 17/05/2025 12:52

@RosesAndHellebores
I don't think it will make much difference in the NHS
Since early March all recruitment has been on hold, no bank shifts either
Voluntary resignations are going through and leavers are not being replaced.
Then it will be redundancy
Fixed term contracts and " permanent"bank ending
The NHS is full of sub par staff that should have been chucked out ages ago anyway -at the first sign of HR they go off sick citing MH issues ( 6 months full pay, 6 months half pay)and bingo they are fully protected then anyway.

time4anothername · 17/05/2025 12:55

Mardychum · 17/05/2025 12:28

How are we defining honest? By the person that tells someone info about their performance from a meeting they didn’t attend? I’d be pulled up if I did that. I think it’s poor behaviour and shit stirry.

I'd define honest as not taking additional sick leave because you can rather than because you are genuinely too unwell to be at work today or feel well enough but are contagious. NHS sick pay is up among the most generous of all employers - but it needs to be because if you are hands on clinical staff it is a risk to work when you are underpar. You could transmit a bug/virus to a person with a weakened immune system. Clinical hands on work and especially shift work is a massive strain on the body so you need to fire on all cylanders.

So maybe this person was actually properly in need of their sick leave and maybe the OP has such high standards that she'd come to work when properly ill and her self-sacrifice is too high. However, I'm leaning to believing the OP because she knows this person quite well. I've certainly witnessed people in the NHS take the sick leave just because they can, they dishonestly sit and work out how to take it so that it doesn't trigger the abscence policies procedures beyond a back to work interview (and if the manager is your crony then nothing to fear in the back to work interview).

Stage 1 for the OP is to stop doing the person's work (she'd be doing a big favour to herself and all of the dept if she does) but it could get nasty. As we all know, the most dangerous time for someone is when they stop doing what the user wants them to do.

gattocattivo · 17/05/2025 13:03

@time4anothernamehow honest is it as a bank member of staff to routinely do someone else’s work for them, so that it appears that permanent staff don’t have capacity to get all the work done and that bank staff are needed? The OP has been protecting her own position by this. And being paid money out of the public purse to keep her appearing to need more hours than are needed.

I quite understand that the management sound crap if they haven’t picked this up for themselves. But the OP is colluding with this culture of inefficiency give herself more hours.

Mardychum · 17/05/2025 13:19

@time4anothername sick leave is none of your business. No more to say.

time4anothername · 17/05/2025 13:25

gattocattivo · 17/05/2025 13:03

@time4anothernamehow honest is it as a bank member of staff to routinely do someone else’s work for them, so that it appears that permanent staff don’t have capacity to get all the work done and that bank staff are needed? The OP has been protecting her own position by this. And being paid money out of the public purse to keep her appearing to need more hours than are needed.

I quite understand that the management sound crap if they haven’t picked this up for themselves. But the OP is colluding with this culture of inefficiency give herself more hours.

I wouldn't put this under honesty. OP sounds like a self-sacrificer people pleaser who wanted perhaps too much to be liked by this person and also seems to have great care for the dept so that it runs well and patients get a good service. It is, after all, a life and death service we are talking about here.

It is a manager's job to look at how the dept is running. If the OP was deliberately hiding that she does the other's work, saying no if asked, that would be dishonest, but that's not the impression I got. If she was covering in motivation to spare the person she mistakenly believed her friend, not honest, true, but to me way below the level of "stealing" sick leave. If it was motivated by wanting to appear indispensible and taking away tasks instead of letting others learn so they can upskill, that would be dishonest in a way that also harms the dept, it didn't sound like it though.

Mardychum · 17/05/2025 13:25

time4anothername · 17/05/2025 12:55

I'd define honest as not taking additional sick leave because you can rather than because you are genuinely too unwell to be at work today or feel well enough but are contagious. NHS sick pay is up among the most generous of all employers - but it needs to be because if you are hands on clinical staff it is a risk to work when you are underpar. You could transmit a bug/virus to a person with a weakened immune system. Clinical hands on work and especially shift work is a massive strain on the body so you need to fire on all cylanders.

So maybe this person was actually properly in need of their sick leave and maybe the OP has such high standards that she'd come to work when properly ill and her self-sacrifice is too high. However, I'm leaning to believing the OP because she knows this person quite well. I've certainly witnessed people in the NHS take the sick leave just because they can, they dishonestly sit and work out how to take it so that it doesn't trigger the abscence policies procedures beyond a back to work interview (and if the manager is your crony then nothing to fear in the back to work interview).

Stage 1 for the OP is to stop doing the person's work (she'd be doing a big favour to herself and all of the dept if she does) but it could get nasty. As we all know, the most dangerous time for someone is when they stop doing what the user wants them to do.

Edited

‘As we all know, the most dangerous time for someone is when they stop doing what the user wants them to do.’

What’s this all about?

Mardychum · 17/05/2025 13:26

Some wild claims up thread based on nothing. Bloody hell.

time4anothername · 17/05/2025 13:34

OP, I'm leaving and hiding this thread now because it has ruffled feathers of some and life is too short to argue with people on the internet. Please take good care of yourself, stop taking on others' work and keep looking for a permanent job for yourself. Any manager would be lucky to have a dedicated employee such as yourself. Find people, whether that's friends or a therapist to help you grow out of people pleasing and trusting people who aren't going to have your best interests at heart.

It's really, really hard to work in the NHS when you see the underperformance and particularly the abuse of sick pay when the majority there are dedicated, great workers. I left it a long time ago because of that. I don't know what the future will be for healthcare in this country. Surely there can be a balance between what we've got now where the system is too easily abused by the Machievellians and one that is too profit driven. There's going to be a lot of pain finding that way.

There are some workshops and things around, especially since Covid, that help healthcare workers heal from the moral distress/injury of working in such environments.Maybe look out for some of them too. 💐

rwalker · 17/05/2025 13:36

I don’t think it will make the slightest difference
our trust just sacked off all bank staff irrespective of role and usefulness

sunshineday850 · 17/05/2025 13:36

OP I think you're focusing on her too much and making it very personal. You say she has made your position vulnerable, but realistically your job always has been. I've been bank for NHS and private and I would never rely on this for a full time wage long term for exactly this reason. It is bound to happen at some point.

She might be lazy and incompetent as you've said, focus on finding yourself a more secure position or insist on them changing you for a contracted role.

MatildaMovesMountains · 17/05/2025 13:44

OP, are you at all interested in engaging in any meaningful discussion? Several of us here are NHS managers and have given helpful advice.