DS14, Y9, suspected ASD but no dx yet – we’re still on the waiting list. Used to manage OK in primary and even Y7, but the last year or so it’s gone massively downhill. The older the other kids get, the more obvious the gap is. They’re into phones, TikTok, dating, swearing, makeup – and DS is still into Fireman Sam, CBeebies, building things with Lego and train sets. Still plays with his teddies and talks to them. He’s just not in that teenage world at all and it shows.
He’s now refusing school most days. His attendance is shockingly low and I’m being threatened with fines. I can’t leave him home alone – he has no idea about danger, can’t work a microwave, would open the door to anyone. So every day he’s not in, I’m missing work, and work are losing patience too. I’m getting it from all angles.
He got home yesterday shaken up. Group of lads in his year – been bothering him on and off – started chanting “Fireman freak” at him and “does mummy still wipe your bum?” because he had a Fireman Sam keyring on his bag. One of them grabbed his bag and tipped all his stuff on the floor. Someone stomped on his water bottle and laughed. DS just stood there frozen. He said he wanted to run but couldn’t move. That’s happened before too – last month someone filmed him talking to himself in the playground and shared it on Snapchat. He didn’t even know until someone in another class told him people were laughing at it.
Another time he was trying to line up his pens on his desk and a kid knocked them off on purpose – teacher told him off for “being dramatic” when he got upset. They don’t get it. He’s not badly behaved, he just shuts down or lashes out when it’s too much – he’s thrown his book across the room before, or shouted suddenly. But it’s frustration and overload, not aggression. He doesn’t understand the rules like the others do. He thinks they’re all just being “mean for fun” and doesn’t really get social stuff.
He’s also been self harming for months. I only found out last week. Hid it really well – long sleeves, said he scratched himself on bushes etc. I feel like a terrible mum not spotting it sooner. School didn’t pick it up either – it only came out when another kid mentioned it and it got flagged.
He’s miserable, and I’m at breaking point too. I’m getting no help. School say without a dx there’s little they can do. CAMHS referral is in but it’s been months already and we’ve heard nothing. They’re putting it all on us to manage, but I’m drowning. DS doesn’t want to go in. He says he hates it, it makes him feel “small and stupid”.
Would I be totally unreasonable to just pull him out until we get proper support? Maybe look at online learning or something. I know it’s not ideal but I feel like leaving him in there is just making everything worse. Anyone done similar without a dx in place? I’ve got no idea what I’m doing and feel totally alone in this.