Does anyone still prepare their child lunchbox?

[AlertAndOrientated]

I know it’s expected that children should be fully capable of making their own lunch, and if they’re fully capable of making it then they should be doing it to practise independence.

I’m all for people being independent, however I have Neurodivergence in this household which has commonly resulted in a level of maturing faster than peers in one sense, but lagging far behind the another (usually practically).

The preparation of food is listed as a PIP descriptor and is recognised as a complex task sometimes made harder by mental or physical difficulties. I’ve been making lunch boxes because the pressure of other steps towards independence feel, at the moment, like we’ve reached maximum capacity. However, I’m thinking that the making of a lunchbox would be pushed towards the top of my priorities if it is neglectful of me to still be doing it. But if it’s something that other people are commonly doing by their own choice, often through no particular need, then I will allow something else to take the priority.

So I thought I’d ask around and see what people do, with or without Neurodivergence or physical challenges.

I’ve always made the kids’ lunches. Dh does think the less they do the more it doesn’t help them in life, but it’s just quicker for me than having four kids all hitting into each other, arguing over stuff and leaving four loads of mess! Never seen it as neglectful to make your child’s lunch, that’s interesting to see!!

edited to add I do know they can make it because they’d eg make a bagel, toastie or sandwiches etc when they get home from school, but that’s when I see the level of mess I couldn’t cope with in the morning!!!

I don't see why it's relevant that it's one of the categories for PIP. Unless you and they are on it?

Making sandwiches isn't that difficult I don't think. Why not start by shopping with him, then start by making the lunch together, then he'll probably be encouraged. You can just gently do less in the process and hopefully soon he'll be doing it by himself.

There's nothing wrong with making other people's lunch. But as you say, it's good to get him trying to be more independent.

Theres ate difference between being capable of doing something, and being expected to do it daily yourself. My DDs could operate the washing machine when they were 8yo, but I still mostly do their washing at 12&13!

I make my son's lunch every day for school, the night before. To be honest, I wouldn't expect him to do it himself, yes I'm sure he's capable, but it's just something I do. I'm sure he could do his own laundry, but as I do mine and my husband's, I do his too!

It depends heavily on how old the child is.

If they're 7 it's really not a priority. If they're 16 then it probably is. Although even then it depends on what else they need to work on as to whether it's a priority.

I really wouldn't worry what other people do tbh. There too many variables. Do what works for you and your child.

Generally, being able to prepare basic food for themselves is something that you would want older primary school children to be able to do. If your child can't make any food for themselves and is 10+ I would look to helping them achieve this. Whether it's lunch or not really doesn't matter though!

How old is your child? I have to say that while yes, theoretically my NT 10 year old and ND 14 year old absolutely CAN do their own lunch boxes (and surprise, surprise, the 10 year old does do hers sometimes), I mostly just do it still and don't feel particularly stressed about that. I am glad that they both CAN get themselves sorted if they need to, but dont' feel obligated to make them just because they can.

Yes, I do. Mine are 8 and 12. I’m up for the most mornings so I usually make their lunches when I’m up without them there fussing around getting their breakfast. It’s just easier for me and it makes sense that way. It’s not if they can’t make a lunch of course they can! But it’s what works for us. I don’t wake them up until 7:30 and we leave the house at about 8:15. My eldest will be starting second school in September so I presume she might buy lunch in school some days and if she wants a packed lunch, I’ll help her do that. There’s no option for school dinners in their primary school, so I’m used to it.

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I make mine dds lunches, although I have said that when dd2 starts secondary in September they can both start making their own.

They are both capable, I've been poorly this week so they've made their own teas plus some banana bread, as well as packing and unpacking the click and collect!

I don’t make my kids lunchboxes and haven’t since they were around 8 or so but they like doing it and I hated doing it so it was an easy change. I do put out a box of snacks for my son to choose from each day (I get bags of dried fruit etc and portion them out into small containers and he chooses 2 per day) and they can add things to the grocery list on the fridge but otherwise it’s on them. But super dependent on age and who wants to do it, doesn’t really mean anything about general abilities unless someone is truly incapable of doing it even when asked.

Mine have made their own from year 3. I'm in charge of buying all the required items. They are quite particular! We always said school lunch was an option if they didn't want to do their own.

Surely it depends on their age and capabilities. My 8YO is ND and wouldn't be capable. Although we do practice making lunch and tea together fully supervised when time allows. I expect my 3YO will be more than capable of making her lunch by his age.

If my kids want pack lunches they have to make them themselves!!! I do help my 5 and 6 year old but they get everything out for sandwiches, do their butter, ham, cheese, whatever and I cut them up and wrap them up! They get whatever else they want to put in it and do their drinks themselves!

Mine are 9 and 12. 9 year old makes lunches for him every day (including the weekend unless it's a cooked kind of lunch) and sometimes he does them for his older brother (who has asd/adhd and can't always manage his time or patience!). He's been doing weekend lunches for him, his brother and 8 year old stepsister since he was just turned 8, and packed lunches for the last 6 months after DP got him doing them. I felt I should. DP showed me I was fussing unnecessarily. So now he does them, well, they both do but more the 9 year old! The difference with him and the other two is he actually likes doing it and is always asking to help in the kitchen. He loves all things food! If he protested a lot I might feel differently, but he's quite happy with the arrangement. They all do their own breakfasts too.

I sometimes make my husbands and he’s 40.

I think me and my DP are too set in our ways! I'd hate him doing mine as I like it done a particular way that he just wouldn't do. And he's the same with his! So we just do our own to save on annoyance!

I made them until they went to 6th form/college. I work full time and it's one of the ways that I can take care of them.

As always, age is really really relevant here OP.

I make all the packed lunches here. The kids could make their own bar the youngest two, but it's one of my jobs. They have different household jobs.

Making the lunch for them isn't the problem. It's ending up adult children who don't know how to make a lunch, or see it as a job that is somehow beneath them that's the issue.

I use to make DD's lunch even into 6th form because I would make mine at the same time and we have a small kitchen, and she would spend her evenings studying so it made logical sense.

She's 26 now, and has successfully made her lunches for many years and cooked for herself.

I always made my daughter’s lunch for school until she finished Year 13. It took me around five minutes, so not exactly a hardship.

I really don't think it matters. My Dad still made me a lunchbox when I moved back home to do teacher training in my mid-twenties. 😂

My SD learned to make her own at about 9 but that was because she's a fussy madam and I got sick of getting it "wrong" and having her Mum call DH to complain that I'd cut up her apple wrong or something.

Mine have made their own lunches since pretty young. I have to suffer the pain of planning and preparing the evening meal most nights so they can put a sandwich together and throw some fruit and crisps in a box.

I do feel quite guilty about it though that maybe I should be doing it.

I still do my son’s packed lunch and he’s 22 😁 He’s perfectly capable and is a good cook (and lived away at uni) but I like doing it and he’s often away so it’s not every day.

As you mentioned pip I assume the child is over 16 years of age? As a mother of a child also neurodiverse i recognize the challenges however from a very young age I practice teach so observing and participating and trying even if under supervision for quite a while so that they learn the skill. I assume no learning difficulties? With age a level of maturity and learning life skills does come so it is important to try and implement these daily were possible