Not getting on with bf and it's his DC's birthday. WWYD?

[DaisyDaisyDaisyyy]

My BF has been being a dick lately, I suspect this is the real him now the honeymoon period has worn off. Little things here and there, a barbed comment, starting to take issue with what I wear, how I look. Etc.

I'm not prepared to put up with that bollocks so I've backed off with the intention of ending things next week once something important is out of the way.

The problem is its his sons birthday on Sunday. He's having a party. My son is ofc invited and really wants to go (they are friends)

DS has no idea that things aren't working out between us and will be gutted if he can't go.

I will also feel unkind if I don't provide a card/present from DS as his DS knows us well by now.

Ugh.

What would you do?

Would I be unreasonable to do nothing and let the birthday pass? I fear I will be.

Yes dad throws dummy out of pram and cancels son‘s party. Arse.

Your son giving his friend a present for his birthday has nothing to do with you ending things with the father. The boy has nothing to do with how badly his dad acts. Don't let it spoilt their friendship, you can still dump the dad.

Can you avoid seeing BF til then?

The boys being friends is how we met in the first place.

Mercifully, we didn't do the whole 'coming out as a couple' thing and so they thought we are platonic, an extension of them being friends.

The relationship side was kept entirely seperate for good reason.

They will still see each other and remain firm friends I'm sure.

Are you still in a relationship with him op? Not clear at all

i reckon he hasn’t cancelled. This is his way of finishing it

either way…. No more dating op until you can be confident your radar is a little sharper!

Even so, I probably wouldn’t let DS go round to his friend’s alone, if there’s a chance STBEX may not be nice to DS after your break up.

Not as far as I'm concerned no, though I hadn't told him it's over yet as I was doing what I thought was the decent thing and waiting until he got an important interview out of the way first.

Yes no more dating for me for the foreseeable. I am entirely turned off 😐

You sound great OP.
Good luck with regrouping 👍

it sounds like he’s very much on the same page as you anyway. I wouldn’t bother contacting him tbh, and I don’t think he’ll contact you.

onwards and upwards!

Well at least that solves the party dilemma but rubbish for the lad. Are they still at school together? It’s good of you to wait until after the interview to break up. It’s a tricky one to navigate as presumably you will still need to see each other after.

He contacted me again last night. This is all part of a pattern unfortunately, he's definitely not done and would keep repeating the hot and cold cycle given the chance. It's intermittent reinforcement and he thinks I'm oblivious.

Not at school together thankfully but they do go to the same football club two times a week. That is somewhere DS is happy to be left by me so I won't have to stand around and talk to xbf fortunately.

Ok op
I sense he is

you hadn’t spoken for a couple of days
and then you had contact him to say you would come
and suddenly the party is off
I suspect if you rock up at that trampoline park… he’ll be there and a party ongoing

hes been behaving like a “dick” for 2 months? How so?

Oh this is easy then!

Just say “hope all well. I think we’re both on same page that this has come to the end of its natural life, so let’s call it quits. All the best”

and then.. block and move on

Would it be possible for your son to see the boy only when the boy's mother is there?

I’d send a card and present then take my own child out for a treat instead of attending the party. And then break up sooner rather than later do you really don’t need to explain.

Good luck.

And then I read your updates. Good. Focus on your child and have a lovely time

If you keep finding reasons to "wait" to break up with him ,I suspect you don't really want to. Things will keep coming up : birthdays,christmas,weddings,there never is a 'good' time. Make a clean break now, and make a fuss of your own child as the longer this goes on,the harder it will be for the children too.

He's been blocked for the past 9 days.

I made sure my DS gave his DS the present when we saw them at football club, then I sent xbf a text after we left saying it's over and not to contact me anymore.

He has tried to regardless.

When you've blocked someone can you see what they have messaged or is it just that they have messaged?

Neither on my phone, I know that varies across models. He had his sister text me to say he misses me and that he was trying to get in touch to fix things (he was then calling on a private number when that didn't get a response)

@DaisyDaisyDaisyyy gross. If you can, I’d block the sister as well unless you want to keep a relationship with her. Another option is to mute her if your phone or WhatsApp allows that.

ETA: I also wanted to say well done for getting rid of him efficiently and for not putting up with his mean bullshit! You know you deserve. You know you deserve better and acted on it quickly. 💐

Sounds like he wanted to get in there first and was building up to finishing it, and is pissed you did.

I wonder if the party was actually cancelled?