Should I worry about this and/or is weird?

[LemonGrarse]

DH is 46 and we’ve been together for 10 years and have one DD. He’s a good husband and father, has never given me any reason to doubt him.

We’ve always had separate hobbies and for DH those hobbies are hill walking/hiking and running. He always runs alone, but his hikes are either solo or with male friends (usually the latter).

A few months ago, he mentioned he was doing a 10k with someone from work, who was also into running. She’s female, 25 years old. He was completely transparent about it, said they are friendly at work and they agreed to both enter the event.

Anyway, he did that, and all was fine. However, since then the friendship seems to have gone up a notch. They’ve got another 10k planned, and she’s never hiked before, so he’s suggested she tag along on one of his solo hikes at some point.

I have actually met her, briefly, after the 10k, and she was perfectly pleasant, and there was nothing from how they are with each other that made me particularly suspicious. However, I can’t get over the nagging feeling I have that I should worry somehow, or the friendship is odd.

He's completely transparent about everything and there’s no other suspicious behaviour. In fact, he never mentions her other than in relation to the runs. I’ve not told him how I feel. He’s always looked younger than his age and has a youthful energy (for want of a better word), and I’m worried there’s more to all this.

AIBU?

He's transparent about what he's transparent about. But you don't know what he's hiding, and I'd be suspicious the transparency thing is to lull you into a false sense of security.

I'd say to trust your instincts. There might not be anything yet, you could be picking up on feelings he has under the surface.

Talk to him about how you feel and see how he reacts.

Hell to the no.

Ask him outright.

I have the same hobbies. Like others said, the running wouldn’t bother me at all but the hiking definitely would. We always do a hike together as a family at the weekend, we used to do bigger ones together pre children and it is common to just see other couples out hiking, even more so than solo hikers. It can be a great time to chat and bond and I can’t quite put my finger on it but there’s something much more intimate about it. Do you ever hike with him?

Tell him that you are now interested in hiking too, and ask if you can tag along on the hike with his female colleague.

It’s reasonable to talk to him about it. Say that him spending the day alone with a younger woman makes you uncomfortable. It’s not about do you trust him not to cheat it’s about the potential for a connection to grow.

This would be too intimate for me. A whole day together ( maybe more) chatting and sharing. Alone. I trust my DH but I would feel uncomfortable about someone else having this level/intensity of interaction with him. Tell him.

I see so many of these running groups about mixed male and female I doubt most of them are running with their spouse. Why don’t you become his running partner and up your fitness?

I used to go hiking and personally I think its quite an intimate activity and different to a 10 K run as part of a group. I think part of nurturing relationships is putting boundaries in place out of respect for each other’s feelings. I will never forget the healthy marriages witnessed as a Nanny where the wife gave / read the husband the riot act to hubbie if he came back from a long trip and would wish to go to leaving drinks with a work colleague . You have just got back from a trip and u hardly know this person leaving and you will be spending the evening with your family. Job done. They don’t call it straying for nothing and also women need to trust their feelings over what they are presented with and told how to feel . Trust your Gut its our inbuilt Sat nav our guide what helps keep babies alive its literally our superpower. So its either take up hiking or she finds someone with less family commitments to solo hike with sorry got a family unit to protect thats what your gut is telling you when your husband solo hikes with a much younger female colleague its just not worth the potential of something happening for the sake of your family .

I feel like all you want is for your DH to see that this solo hike situation is making you feel a bit uncomfortable, thats all. Not his behaviour or distrust, its just you dont know this womans intention. Would he let you do the same? maybe have someone else point it out to him rather than it come from you?

People have affairs due to opportunity and being in close proximity. Many 40 plus men go off with much younger women.
Trust you gut op.

Definitely don’t start inviting her round to dinner. This was the exact scenario that ended in my friend’s divorce

Yes, it often IS Kevin from accounts that married men go off with for a hike or a 10k. This is called platonic friendship.

It's not normally Kevin from accounts they go off with if they have designs to fuck them. This is called an affair.

But the fact that this younger woman is not Kevin from accounts doesn't prove one way or another which scenario we are in here, and gets us nowhere nearer to determining which situation this is.

You've quoted the Op, where it clearly states that it's not the running that's the problem here.

Hmmm. Even if he doesn’t see her that way, I bet she fancies him. Why else is a single 25 year old going on 1:1 hikes with an older bloke from work? She needs to be off with her own friends or joining a group if you ask me. I think it will lead nowhere good.

No fucking way my partner would going going for hikes with a woman from work.

Group stuff fine, anything 121 outside of work other than a quick drink or lunch, no way.

For those saying a 20 something woman wouldn't be interested:

My dad left my mum at 48 for a 24 year old.

My sister's husband left my sister at 45 for a 25 year old.

Also, just ran your scenario by my 43 yo male partner and we agreed the age gap makes it all very risky for your husband OP. She could be immature/confused/think there's something there. Plus it would be a bad look at most workplaces.

Shes never been on a hike, my arse

Is the 25 year old happily married? No so yes it is weird. There is no such thing as male female friendship, sorry.

I would def be uncomfortable with this. My DP became friends with a woman through a shared hobby group, and the group were going off hiking or camping together. She wanted a lift to the campsite (5 hour drive one way), wanted hiking equipment tips, wanted him to go shopping to give his advice on boots etc etc every ridiculous excuse you can think of. To me it was obvious she was angling for more time with him. According to him, he had no idea. I choose to believe him, he’s very naive and can’t flirt for toffee. Point is, I told him I felt uncomfortable with her trying to start a more 1-1 ‘friendship’ and he shut it down right away. Group stuff fine, but no bloody way am I sitting back with them bonding over the campfire while I’m at home. We discussed boundaries and she’s now sniffing round someone else. Obvs he could be lying and actually off shopping with her or whatever. But I like to think not! Tell your DH what your boundaries are and judge his response. The 25 yo could go on all the 20-30s meet up walking groups I see advertised and doesn’t need to be spending time with someone else’s husband!

I think you should just point out that she might be interested.

It could end up an awkward work situation. More awkward for her of course as it's always the women who fare worse. Could backfire for him too.

So he should tread carefully to not give off wrong signals.

I am naively trusting though - that's all coming from a place of 100% Trust.

She's 25 and fit. Years of experience tells me he's not just interested in her healthy lifestyle and running technique.

See if he befriended a male that is 25, I would think it’s weird that a young guy wants to hang around with a much older guy. So her being a female is all the more worrying as no matter how innocent it may look, this is exactly how they can start to get feelings for one another. I bet she’s good looking and fit, why on earth would she want to go on a one to one with a much older guy, twice her age.

Any update OP did you speak to your husband?