Should I worry about this and/or is weird?

[LemonGrarse]

DH is 46 and we’ve been together for 10 years and have one DD. He’s a good husband and father, has never given me any reason to doubt him.

We’ve always had separate hobbies and for DH those hobbies are hill walking/hiking and running. He always runs alone, but his hikes are either solo or with male friends (usually the latter).

A few months ago, he mentioned he was doing a 10k with someone from work, who was also into running. She’s female, 25 years old. He was completely transparent about it, said they are friendly at work and they agreed to both enter the event.

Anyway, he did that, and all was fine. However, since then the friendship seems to have gone up a notch. They’ve got another 10k planned, and she’s never hiked before, so he’s suggested she tag along on one of his solo hikes at some point.

I have actually met her, briefly, after the 10k, and she was perfectly pleasant, and there was nothing from how they are with each other that made me particularly suspicious. However, I can’t get over the nagging feeling I have that I should worry somehow, or the friendship is odd.

He's completely transparent about everything and there’s no other suspicious behaviour. In fact, he never mentions her other than in relation to the runs. I’ve not told him how I feel. He’s always looked younger than his age and has a youthful energy (for want of a better word), and I’m worried there’s more to all this.

AIBU?

Even if he is platonic towards her, she may well be falling in love with this pleasant, kind man who shares her interest in hiking. Does she not have other friends? Maybe suggest to him that he could opt out of their walks together and that instead she might enjoy joining a local walking group. His reaction to that idea may reveal even to himself, how he would feel about ending their jointl hikes.
Could you join him instead? You might enjoy it. They must spend a lot if time chatting together when they are out, even in the car enroute.
Do you and DH send time together?

This is a very good way of putting it. It’s the situation itself than either of them actually right now. I can imagine they both have completely platonic attitudes towards the relationship as of right now and who knows 25 year old may be even seeing someone herself. The issue is from what I’ve seen anyway, that often younger women sort of look up to older intelligent guys at work and especially if they’re attractive will just want to be around them. As I said before in a post, in my 30 years of office life it’s actually quite rare these days for colleagues to want to socialise as they’d rather just not be reminded of work! So if I ever see opposite sex colleagues making plans outside of work to be together then it really stands out and sadly more often than not whether it be ST or LT usually something goes on. I think great advice from @Itstillraininghere is to start joining hubby on as many of these hikes as you can so the only female energy he’s prioritising in a group of men is yours!

I know this is easier said from the perspective of a rando on the internet…

As a PP said you either trust him or you don’t. To expand on that a bit if he’s only with you because you’ve put a stop to this opportunity do you really want to be with him?

It sounds like they have an awful lot in common. Isn't that how things often start?

I don't think this is just about trust. You can trust someone and give them a long rope, and hope for the best but you don't know what her intentions are, you don't really know anything about her. You can let this carry on, but keep a watchful eye or you can declare now early on that you don't mind a 10k but the solo walking is making you uncomfortable. Or you can invite yourself on the walk last minute and see her reaction and his.

Such a shame men and women can’t be seen as friends. I used to work with a man and we got on so well. But we were not attracted to each other whatsoever!! I miss not working with him now.

I think it’s weird. It would make me uncomfortable. I don’t even think DH would even suggest hanging out with a 25 year old as he’d think it’s weird.

I wonder does she fancy him? And is she trying to engineer another activity to create another connection and spend more time with him? if he’s being so transparent, he could be completely innocent in of this. There again maybe he’s got a bit of an idea and is flattered…

Trust your instincts

One guaranteed way to end your marriage is to try and dictate who he can or cannot do his hobbies with. Frankly once he told you, you had to trust him not to do anything stupid. I assume he has no reason to?

Ah OP, I would usually say go with your gut, but I am a younger married lady who has a hubby I do with a male colleague who is older and married too! We get on really well. And during our mutual hobby we do talk about our significant others, the kids, bucket lists etc. I invited my hubby - he couldn’t think of anything worse than joining us on our mutual hobby. Wife came a few times but has other things she likes to do more so didn’t want to stick with it.
sometimes people can just find people save sex/opposite sex they really like in a non sexual/romantic season but YOUR gut feeling is always the right - so follow it

You’re concerned enough to raise it on MN so trust your gut feeling. Have a chat with your husband about how unhappy this is making you or take up running and fell walking - seriously!

I pal up with anyone running the same events as me, age and sex aren't an issue, it's nice to have a friendly face at the start/ end and it's highly unlikely they are actually running together or talking very much during the event. Also, runners are sweaty and gross, we tend to talk about running/ running shoes/ blisters and porta loos and poo quite a lot... it's not exactly sexy!

Is it out of character for him to invite people to hike with him? That's the only part of your scenario that might give me pause, if he was being unusually sociable!

I don’t know, I wouldn’t like it somehow 🤷🏻‍♀️..
You don’t seem like the suspicious type or you would have kicked off when he was going on first walk ..
It’s just, I’d always be wary of new friendships that are struck up , & then they start spending more time together .. Otherside of it then though is you have a happy marriage, I’m on the fence ..
People can be in very happy marriages & get their heads turned aswel ..
Go with your gut OP , I suppose …

They say he looks young for his age and has a young spark

Seems like your DH is totally oblivious to the idea that this woman in her twenties could ever be even remotely interested in a 46 year old married dad!

Shared interests so often lead to a shared bed

not always

but very often even with the people you never think would cheat

I think it’s fair to be wary

Trust your gut.
He might be transparent and open about the activities but ….
have you heard the expression “hiding in plain site?”
Your gut is your second brain.

The running events I wouldn't mind, it wouldn't bother me.

Just the two of them hiking? Nope. No way. In my case I'd make it clear to DH I was uncomfortable with it, and I know he'd listen to my feelings and not go.

Trust your gut, OP.

what might take a while!?

If he had not told you about the tunning and solo himing and you had found out by accident then you would have reason to question his motives. You did not; he was entirely open with you about the whole situation and has given you no reason to mistrust him. What more could you wish from in a partner? Join his solo hikes at the last minute as someone suggested if you wish, but it will knaw at you one day, remembering your own lack of trust in a decent man. I hope you can learn to accept that his hobbies and friend groups are reasonable and as he has described them to be. If you are already mistrusting without reason you may end up pushing him away.

OP finding a new hobby and attracting a younger male colleague to join her.

I’m sure she could if she tried.. if he can, she can.

I’d tell him I don’t feel good about it, if I were in your shoes. I’d say I think it’s putting temptation in your way, things happen between people and before you know it,
its become a problem.
I had a friend who said her husband was categorically anti infidelity, so down on it that they hid the truth from him on a number of occasions, about affairs had by her brother and widowed mother. Her husband made a pass at me and told me how much he wanted to sleep with me…. While she was in a different part of the room, at their house.
Honestly, you never know what people are up to!

Sorry but my husband would tell you this himself if he was on here. Men have male friends and they should be friends with their wife. There's only 1 reason to be friends with a woman he says it's that you hope to get more from her that's his opinion on female friends. Unless your friends with other couples or have been childhood friends then no I find this odd. The fact he's not speaking about her apart from run is suspicious trust your gut. Has sex gone up or down any major changes with you both? My friend went through this he was bringing affair colleague to their home they were police officers partners and eating tea with my friend like they were partners/ colleagues when they were carrying on for years! My friend was completely broken. I hope not but honestly your co workers and that should be that it's easy to get too close to a colleague as your both in the same boat and together a lot of the time. So I would find out / raise this with him. I hope I'm wrong but I wouldn't trust him.