Kids don't have any room to be bored anymore

[Mummabear04]

Just been noticing a lot that kids are constantly entertained with no room for boredom and they're forever being entertained. Recently I've seen so many toddlers in buggys with phone in hand watching tv, I mean I know it's hard traipsing a toddler round the supermarket but surely they can be for 20 mins just sitting in the buggy watching the world go by without watching telly? I've also noticed when waiting for siblings to finish clubs, the other kids are pretty much all on screens and parents are on their phones the whole time. I know some of them will be working but they don't talk to their kids AT ALL for like an hour and the kids are glued to the screen munching junk food. I also know of loads of kids scheduled into non stop clubs (fair enough after school clubs/wrap around childcare clubs) but it seems the weekends are also jam packed with activities. AIBU to think that there's hardly any room for kids just to mill about, to be bored and to learn to be content in mundane situations? It just seems they are not learning coping skills for when they do encounter situations like this in life and it leaves hardly any room for imagination to take hold.

I would say that what you are seeing is a brief snapshot of people’s lives. You have no idea what is going on in their lives or what challenges they are facing.

Couldn’t you just be bored instead of on mn doing the weekly Kids are never allowed to be bored thread?

Yeah I get that and I have those days too but it's not just now and then. It's a consistent observation.

I'm not saying people shouldn't entertain themselves but I don't go on mn when I'm with my kids.

I agree, though it’s not just children. I think that modern society is unhealthily overwhelmingly overstimulating and anyone who can’t tolerate this constant barrage of stimuli is now seen as neurodivergent. It’s no wonder mental health is on the floor.

My kids constantly tell me they are bored so they’d disagree with you 🤣🤣

Both mine do after school clubs, as we work full time, they do wrap around in the morning also.

Theyve both got hobbies and interests and we support these and encourage extra circular activities.

I also want them to do things I couldn’t as a child… times move on, times change and that is life

The Anxious Generation is worth a read on this subject. Good data and research (though not universally accepted) on some of the factors that may be contributing to the rise of mental health issues in young people, including safety culture, reliance on screens, the many impacts on decrease in time spent I indirected play, and others. I found it really interesting.

TBH a lot of this resonates with me. I recently had to retrain myself from constantly relying on external stimulus for entertainment - if I was going for a walk/commuting I'd always feel I needed music or a podcast or whatever. I made a NY resolution (ugh, I know) to try to be more engaged with the world around me and especially not to plug in before going for a walk anywhere. I've been astounded by the positive impact it's had on work, sleep, wellbeing. The only downside is I'm way behind on my podcasts.

Im very lucky that I have very sociable, very sporty kids and live in an area where friends and lots of good places to play are within an easy walk but even then it's so hard to limit time on their screens as they get older. It has to have an impact on kids.

My kids were never content to just be in a supermarket. They constantly wanted stuff, grabbed things and threw tantrums. I got online delivery for years.

this was early 2000s.

good luck training your 2 year old to behave in the supermarket.

It’s true. One of my friends said that was one of the hard parts of getting sent to boarding school (over 20 years ago)- that she lost the time in between school and bedtime where she’d be bored and then daydream or come up with her own creative games or projects to fill the time. Boarding school had that time scheduled and adult let and she felt it was a great loss. Now loads of kids that live with their parents have that time scheduled too but won’t know what they’re missing as that’s all they’ve known.

That's not what my 11 year old says.. he's frequently bored apparently (despite having a world of information at his fingertips, and 100 things in the house he could do/try)

My kids have always been find in shops alone (well, with me) - it's if they're both together that there's a problem, they egg each other on/wind each other up rather than just being pleasant/reasonable...

My kids are forever saying they’re bored and don’t do any clubs apart from after school ones till 5 while I’m working, maybe I’m doing something right then!

My kids are great at amusing themselves. They amuse themselves fine in doctor's surgeries, hospitals (there for 6 hours waiting for older one to be seen) and while waiting for the older one to finish clubs.

They climb on walls, turn the seats into an obstacle course, crawl under the chairs and my younger one was sprawled across the cubicle floor trying to pull clinical supplies out of a plastic set of drawers while I was holding her by the ankle and trying to talk to the A&E doctor about her brother's projectile vomiting. In between the vomiting, the two of them were having great fun peaking through the cubicle curtains and doing jumps from the bed onto the floor. The older one started shaking the vending machine to see if any of the chocolate bars could be dislodged.

You could lock DC1 in a completely empty room for hours and he'd amuse himself doing parkour off the walls.

It's not my children who are the problem, it's all the grumpy sods round about us who object to the disruption they cause, the noise they make and the property they damage 😂. Hence I bring appropriate activities for them (and yes, that does sometime includes screens). Of course, a rope or some duct tape might also work but I'm not keen on social services involvement.

YABU for putting watching screens non-stop and having clubs at the weekend for a start.

I hate pottering around with a passion, I can't see why my kids should be stuck at home at the weekend doing nothing. They are like puppies, they need activities. It's terribly unhealthy to do nothing.

We have all been bored during the lockdown, I am not doing that ever again, and older kids have had enough boredom for a lifetime. Unless you count being bored at school.

🤣

It’s all part of the instant gratification that’s enmeshed itself into the Western World. From constant entertainment to constant use of porn through to weight loss via injection. It’s all facets of the same thing. And it’s not sustainable.

My kids have lots of bored time. 🤣 But I am aware that kids should be bored sometimes and of the benefits. My eldest very rarely uses handheld screens and my youngest never. They are 5 and nearly 3. At the doctor's, swimming lessons etc I don't use screens. I take stuff for them to do - books, small whiteboards, colouring, Duplo etc. I can take them both shopping, and they will sit in the trolley and behave reasonably most of the time! I do see a lot of babies and toddlers in buggies with phones though.

Have also read the Anxious Generation as suggested by a pp and found it very informative and possibly one of the most useful 'parenting' books I've read.

I also have made a conscious choice not to schedule in weekly activities other than a swimming lesson. We also have a lot of time at home where the adults get on with stuff, even DIY projects, and the kids either play or help with whatever we're doing.

This was a lesson for me during the lockdown and then homeworking. There was a level of deep rest and creativity that could only come from "boredom". I learned to see boredom as something positive!

Adults of all ages are on their phones constantly though- it’s not just kids.

Surely it's pretty common knowledge that adults and kids are widely addicted to their phones, regardless of whether they are facing any major challenges? People's default when they have periods of not actually having to do anything is to scroll through their phones, often rather than talking to the person they are with. I don't think this is an unusual 'snapshot'. It's the norm.

This is one of my favourite soap boxes.
Boredom is healthy and good for you. Children especially.

Unstructured, intrinsically motivated play is proven to be really important for brain architecture.
Hear hear OP.

I agree. I find it sad. But I can't say I'm not guilty of doing it sometimes myself.

I'm very careful now, after seeing a pouty rant on our local FB page a couple of years ago about how the local council doesn't do enough to enter people for free & should be running constant free activities to entertain them.

The responses were half sympathetic, and half listing all the things they could do, like parks, museums, day trips to national parks, getting involved in a hobby etc. But those take effort to think about, plan & execute. They were so used to being entertained they thought they were entitled to it & couldn't / wouldn't do it for themselves.

Now if my DC are bored I don't feel guilty, I think it's great they have some free time to get bored.

But surely there's a time and a place for this?

Personally, I don't think kids get enough play, and my favourite soapbox is the benefit of play and playgrounds for children's physical and social development, and emotional regulation, but I'm not sure the supermarket or waiting for older kids to finish activities or any environment where the expectation is to sit and wait quietly is necessarily the best environment to promote unstructured play for children.

I think two issues are being confused here. If you want children to play, they need to have sufficient unstructured time and be in an environment where play is permitted and encouraged. That's a somewhat different issue to whether parents should rely on screens in "holding" situations or find other methods of quiet entertainment for kids. My children's idea of unstructured play in a supermarket is running round the aisles, playing hide and seek and knocking things over.

You’re watching the same people all the time?

How about you raise your kids how you want and let everyone else raise their kids their way?

It's not what I see while waiting for my eldest when she's in extracurricular activities. Most of the parents are helping the younger siblings eat dinner, or doing homework and 11+ prep, or just reading and playing with toys/card games. Some of the kids play together and run around a bit. A few kids are on tablets and phones, but not the majority. This is in a middle class area with highly motivated parents and fairly expensive classes (music tuition, 1:1 swimming).

A lot of adults claim a virtue of allowing kids to be bored and not doing activities when in reality it's down to lack of funds or motivation to take them.

Not sure screens and instant gratification are just a western world thing