Kids don't have any room to be bored anymore

[Mummabear04]

Just been noticing a lot that kids are constantly entertained with no room for boredom and they're forever being entertained. Recently I've seen so many toddlers in buggys with phone in hand watching tv, I mean I know it's hard traipsing a toddler round the supermarket but surely they can be for 20 mins just sitting in the buggy watching the world go by without watching telly? I've also noticed when waiting for siblings to finish clubs, the other kids are pretty much all on screens and parents are on their phones the whole time. I know some of them will be working but they don't talk to their kids AT ALL for like an hour and the kids are glued to the screen munching junk food. I also know of loads of kids scheduled into non stop clubs (fair enough after school clubs/wrap around childcare clubs) but it seems the weekends are also jam packed with activities. AIBU to think that there's hardly any room for kids just to mill about, to be bored and to learn to be content in mundane situations? It just seems they are not learning coping skills for when they do encounter situations like this in life and it leaves hardly any room for imagination to take hold.

This was definitely the case with my parents back in the 80s. They claimed it was good for us to be bored, and if we didn’t find something to so they’d give us a list. We were bored because we barely interacted as a family.

@loothera A lot of adults claim a virtue of allowing kids to be bored and not doing activities when in reality it's down to lack of funds or motivation to take them.

Not in my case, plenty of money and motivation, but I think it's good for them and us as a family, to just potter round the house and garden, we always find stuff to do and it's often less stressful. 😂 That's not to say we don't spend time doing stuff with them during those days, it's usually chores and e.g gardening /something I enjoy interspersed with playing something, an orchard games type thing, some writing, colouring, painting etc.

We do go out, sometimes local e.g. park or swimming or sometimes bigger days out like a science museum in the city an hour away by train, national trust + picnic, etc. but when we grew up, those days were not the norm and for me personally, I don't want them growing up always doing child focused activities and being entertained. But appreciate that is my personal view on this and we are all different raising different children so neither is right nor wrong, but I'm not claiming virtue while being too lazy or not being able to afford lots of activities.

I agree, kids in pushchairs on screens is not great

I definitely do think it's a societal problem, not just a kids thing. It's very rare to see someone sitting on the bus without phone or headphones in hand or ear. I'm not preaching, I will listen to music on the bus and I do look at my phone etc.

I also don't mean kids should sit around all weekend doing nothing but I do think a certain amount of down time to explore boredom is important even if it's just an afternoon or a few hours after school (if working patterns allow). I guess I more meant that kids are not learning to have moments of boredom during their day like sitting waiting for an appointment or walking round a supermarket. I get parenting can be difficult but surely it's a parents job to try to teach kids how to cope in boring situations? I'm not saying they should sit and be quiet but more it's not all or nothing in terms or these mundane situations. Like yes it can be stressful taking a toddler to the supermarket but get them involved if you're not in a rush, get them to help put things in the basket or use the scanner gun or scan the items at the self service, give consequences if they're messing around. And yes, I do see the same families on screens, not talking to eachother week in, week out. I'm not judging but I just think it's not normal to avoid interacting with your kids.

But getting them involved at the supermarket is the opposite of unstructured play - that's turning the supermarket into a parent-led activity, not letting your kids become bored so they learn to amuse themselves.

I agree with your overall point - I think kids should have moments of boredom so that they learn to amuse themselves - but I disagree that this is necessarily appropriate in these situations. If you leave a child to come up with their own entertainment some circumstances, it will often be the opposite of what you as the parent would want them to do. Mostly for my two, it would be climbing and jumping on stuff. I can obviously discipline them or stop them, but really the only choices are the iron fist ("you WILL stand next to me quietly or else..."), a screen, bribery or a parent-led activity.

You’re right I did conflate two issues badly for the sake of brevity.

Totally agree they’re separate but to me they’re connected. It’s so easy to fill time these days. I’ve certainly given my kids screens on long journeys / waiting times but I do make them do other timings first and it’s never been a given. I didn’t let mine wear headphones before 7 so they didn’t get to watch screens on trains before then. Even then it’s a last resort.

Learning to just be, even if it’s dull provides time to day dream and have ideas and creativity. I think when constant entertainment becomes an expectation the ability to wait patiently isn’t honed. But yes unstructured play and waiting rooms/ journeys / shopping trips aren’t the same but the idea that this time needs to be filled with entertainment is.

YANBU but I was always being told to get my head out of a book! I guess some kids prefer being 'in their own little world', though it's true they also need to explore, create, build, destroy, exercise and socialise.

The usual MN reply, so predictable.

I think the concept of entertaining children is a recent one, and not a positive development. It is not good for the child and must totally wear the parents out.

Screens really have had a negative impact on childhood. I didn't have a smartphone or tablet when my oldest was little because I couldn't afford them and so she spent hours entertaining herself or playing with local kids. Once my youngest came along I did have those things and he definitely has more difficulty entertaining himself. I don't allow them out of the house for him though so he does get a lot of opportunities to be bored but not as much as his big sister did.

Yes, this was me. Any second I wasn’t actively having to do something else I’d be reading. More wholesome than a screen maybe but was still being ‘entertained’. Likewise, if I had to walk anywhere at all or be on a bus I’d be constantly listening to music on my Walkman, then discman, then iPod and now phone. I used to be creating the most incredible stories in my head and the music somehow was part of it - so I don’t think it had any impact on my imagination or creativity.

Likewise people agreeing with OP but saying they don’t use screens in those situations but use duplo or books or colouring instead - that’s still them being entertained! Ok it’s not as passive as staring at a screen but it’s still not just letting them be bored.

We do struggle with DD who finds it very hard to entertain herself or play independently. We try not to rely on screens (none at all in the week) but then she is incredibly demanding of our time and attention and always wants us to play with her. We’re working on it all the time but I do find it frustrating when you hear constantly about how they need to play independently, find ways to entertain themselves etc but nobody ever really tells you HOW to do this or what to do when the child just plain won’t!

I agree it’s another kind of UPF

I am reminded though of when DD was 3 and we were driving down from Lapland in a campervan, took a wrong turn and got lost in a forest with no signal for GPS. An 8 hour drive turned into a 3 hour drive, I had to sit at the front with OH to watch out for reindeer and elk so we didn't have an accident so DD was sat in the camper part of the van by herself for 13 hours with only 3 teddies and a couple of books and she entertained herself the whole time, apart from the short while she napped and the couple of times we stopped for the loo and food.

DS is very patient in the car but he definitely would have lost his shit a few hours in.

My boys can't cope with overstimulation. I feel dizzy at the amount of activity some people pack into a day or a weekend. Multiple museums and attractions in a single day in some cases. Back to back classes and clubs when they are not away. They can't look at/learn it properly, there's not time. When I see students who flit from one thing to another like a bee in a jam jar I wonder if they grew up like this and have no ability to sustain concentration as a result (I know about ADHD etc as my boys all have difficulties of one form or another, this is something else). My lot are quite happy to just chill at home, grandmas, holiday apartment etc.