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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for pulling H up on his habit of taking the piss out of me if I attempt to exercise?

53 replies

Menopausio · 15/05/2025 11:17

Because he is feeling sorry for himself now.
Im obese, high heart rate, mobility problems due to chronic pain and in menopause.
Over the past few months Ive been making slow, steady changes to improve my health. Im now at the point where I can start to up my cardio so as well as going for long walks Ive started the couch to 5k . Im doing that on our treadmill until I feel more confident. I usually do this when H is out of the house, however he is at home today and has just followed me out to where the treadmill is , asking if Im going to run for 30 seconds , laughing at his own joke, should he have an ambulance on standby ect. I finished my session then came in and calmly asked him why he would do that ?! Its very out of character for him.
Apparently he was only joking- asked him to explain the joke.
Ive now been told Ive no sense of humour. He has been told that if he cannot be supportive, or at the very least keep his stupid comments to himself , he can stay well away from me when Im exercising.

OP posts:
Superkitchen · 15/05/2025 11:18

Some one like this can only generally be a twat

someone who behaves like this towards his wife… well the marriage must be bloody awful on every level

MidnightPatrol · 15/05/2025 11:19

What a twat.

Well done OP for making positive changes. People sometimes feel threatened by others making positive life changes.

Worldgonecrazy · 15/05/2025 11:20

He is feeling bad that he is not taking care of himself and is deflecting that on to you.

Its not your problem that he feels that way - he should grow up and own his feelings.

Well done on starting C25K.

Original poster
Menopausio · 15/05/2025 11:23

Superkitchen · 15/05/2025 11:18

Some one like this can only generally be a twat

someone who behaves like this towards his wife… well the marriage must be bloody awful on every level

Well its not , thats the thing. He is supportive of everything else I have ever done, married 30 years.
But exercising ? Always has a comment .
He is a naturally slim build, eats like a horse.

OP posts:
CheFaro · 15/05/2025 11:24

He sounds awful. Good for you on taking charge of your health.

Superkitchen · 15/05/2025 11:27

Menopausio · 15/05/2025 11:23

Well its not , thats the thing. He is supportive of everything else I have ever done, married 30 years.
But exercising ? Always has a comment .
He is a naturally slim build, eats like a horse.

Show quote history

Op he was nasty
like properly nasty
following you out.

I mean Op, maybe your standards re what is a good man has slipped since being with him?

BarneyRonson · 15/05/2025 11:30

My sisters husband thought she had another man on her mind when she started dieting. Some men are threatened when their wives glow up.

Ihaveneedofwaternear · 15/05/2025 11:31

Wow, mean and nasty behaviour. He should be cheering you on and congratulating you for your efforts and commitment to your health, not trying to make a joke or undermine you.

If he's a nice man normally, he's probably made a thoughtless, tactless comment and knows it and feels bad, and instead of being mature and apologising, he's being defensive and blaming you for having no sense of humour.

Your response sounds perfect, hopefully it'll get his head back on straight and you'll get support from him from now on.

Pippa12 · 15/05/2025 11:32

I’m sorry he’s done that to you. I feel so self conscious when excercising so I can see how you would be so upset at the person who is supposed to be your cheerleader let’s you down like this when you feel vulnerable.

I’d sit down with him and calmly explain how he’s making you feel, you need his encouragement not his humour!

If he takes the piss again then yeah, heartless twat!

ARingtoit · 15/05/2025 11:34

He's threatened. You previously "requiring improvement" probably made him feel very safe and secure.

Also well done, OP! Keep it up - sounds like you're doing brilliantly.

BunnyLake · 15/05/2025 11:35

Stick some earbuds in. Even if he’s not there music can be very motivational.

Nopersbro · 15/05/2025 11:36

As you've said this is extremely uncharacteristic behaviour for him, I'd do this: ask him to stop making jokes about your exercises, and related topics. Be specific. Tell him you're sensitive to these issues right now (you can say why if you like, but shouldn't really need to) and while you are not requiring his active support you would like him to refrain from making jokes at your expense about this particular topic. Tell him he may not understand why you don't wish to laugh about this but as he loves and respects you he can do you this favour of simple refraining from jokes or unnecessary comments.

Then see if he does it. If he still can't or won't stop, I've got to agree with the other posters that he's probably a bit of an arse.

Doctorkrank · 15/05/2025 11:37

He absolutely should not be making comments like that. He should be encouraging you. Well done on the improvements you have made so far and don’t let him stop you.

Superkitchen · 15/05/2025 11:37

Nopersbro · 15/05/2025 11:36

As you've said this is extremely uncharacteristic behaviour for him, I'd do this: ask him to stop making jokes about your exercises, and related topics. Be specific. Tell him you're sensitive to these issues right now (you can say why if you like, but shouldn't really need to) and while you are not requiring his active support you would like him to refrain from making jokes at your expense about this particular topic. Tell him he may not understand why you don't wish to laugh about this but as he loves and respects you he can do you this favour of simple refraining from jokes or unnecessary comments.

Then see if he does it. If he still can't or won't stop, I've got to agree with the other posters that he's probably a bit of an arse.

It is ongoing characteristic regarding OP and exercise

Trekkerbabe · 15/05/2025 11:37

Honestly I'd just ignore him or laugh it off. He'll soon get bored if he sees he's getting no reaction from you.

Carry on doing what you're doing.

Well done!!!!

ItGhoul · 15/05/2025 11:39

Menopausio · 15/05/2025 11:23

Well its not , thats the thing. He is supportive of everything else I have ever done, married 30 years.
But exercising ? Always has a comment .
He is a naturally slim build, eats like a horse.

Show quote history

My guess is that he's insecure and thinks if you get fit and lose weight you'll find yourself a nicer husband.

angelinawasrobbed · 15/05/2025 11:39

No advice to offer - but well done for making changes 👏

Readytohealnow · 15/05/2025 11:39

He is an absolute twat.
I suspects he wants you to stay large so he can have some sort of hold over you. It's a controlling feature of many men. He should have encouraged you to make these changes ages ago, not railroad your (brilliant) attempts.
Keep going OP. He is ridiculous and you are doing something amazing for your future (which hopefully won't include him)

Dozer · 15/05/2025 11:40

That’s nasty of him, downright nasty.

Good for you for your exercise progress so far! Am envious of your home treadmill! Recommend TV, music and podcasts.

Regarding feeling self conscious exercising out of the home, hope you can make progress and get outdoors or to any places near you with a welcoming, diverse community. my local leisure centre, dance classes, yoga etc are like this! People of all ages and sizes enjoying activities, getting on with it politely, or interacting if we choose to.

GoodCharl · 15/05/2025 11:41

Just because hes naturally thin and eats well doesn’t mean hes healthy/fit. Perhaps he is worried youll change your lifestyle and ditch him!

im currently losing weight atm and my stbex H cannot find it in him to say a nice word (we are on good terms). Everytime i tell him ive lost X hes sarcastic cant help himself. If i ever tried to exercise previously to this, he would be exactly the same as your H with his “jokes”. Im currently divorcing!

Original poster
Menopausio · 15/05/2025 11:42

BarneyRonson · 15/05/2025 11:30

My sisters husband thought she had another man on her mind when she started dieting. Some men are threatened when their wives glow up.

Im thinking this is behind it all.
He has actually apologised now, he asked why I don't go swimming any more ( I used to be v good) and I told him I was put off in case people made fun of me in my swimwear. A light bulb went off over his head and a very sincere apology.

OP posts:
Blackdow · 15/05/2025 11:43

He should be supporting you. That’s not banter or having a little fun together. That was just mean. You were not wrong to tell him to pack it in, and i’d be telling him to get out of his ridiculous sulk as well. He used the bully’s defence of “you have no sense of humour” instead of accepting that his humour was off, and wasn’t funny. He needs to apologise.

ManchesterGirl2 · 15/05/2025 11:44

I'm glad you've set boundaries with him OP - stick to them. Hopefully he will sulk for a bit and then see how unpleasant and undermining his behaviour was.

AleaEim · 15/05/2025 11:44

He wants to keep you overweight in the hope you don’t get attention from other men ?

PsychoHotSauce · 15/05/2025 11:44

Ive now been told Ive no sense of humour.

You know comedians, people that actually make a living from being funny, test their jokes on audiences. If they don't get a laugh, what do you think they do? Have a strop and accuse the audience of not having a sense of humour? Or drop the joke from the set?