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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for pulling H up on his habit of taking the piss out of me if I attempt to exercise?

53 replies

Menopausio · 15/05/2025 11:17

Because he is feeling sorry for himself now.
Im obese, high heart rate, mobility problems due to chronic pain and in menopause.
Over the past few months Ive been making slow, steady changes to improve my health. Im now at the point where I can start to up my cardio so as well as going for long walks Ive started the couch to 5k . Im doing that on our treadmill until I feel more confident. I usually do this when H is out of the house, however he is at home today and has just followed me out to where the treadmill is , asking if Im going to run for 30 seconds , laughing at his own joke, should he have an ambulance on standby ect. I finished my session then came in and calmly asked him why he would do that ?! Its very out of character for him.
Apparently he was only joking- asked him to explain the joke.
Ive now been told Ive no sense of humour. He has been told that if he cannot be supportive, or at the very least keep his stupid comments to himself , he can stay well away from me when Im exercising.

OP posts:
Dozer · 15/05/2025 11:44

Good.

Hope you do get back to the pool! It’d be ideal, eg you have skills and it’d be much lower impact than running.

Superkitchen · 15/05/2025 11:44

Menopausio · 15/05/2025 11:42

Im thinking this is behind it all.
He has actually apologised now, he asked why I don't go swimming any more ( I used to be v good) and I told him I was put off in case people made fun of me in my swimwear. A light bulb went off over his head and a very sincere apology.

Show quote history

But you say it’s every time you have ever decided to start looking after yourself

Longhotsummers · 15/05/2025 11:45

He's threatened by you wanting to improve yourself - it's convenient for him having you as you are i.e. he thinks he is superior to you in some way.

Carry on - starting is the hardest part, and you've done brilliantly to do that.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 15/05/2025 11:45

I don’t understand why you even need to ask.

Blackdow · 15/05/2025 11:45

Cross-posted. Glad he has apologised to you. He’d better have meant it and stop the slagging off over exercise.

Superkitchen · 15/05/2025 11:46

MemorableTrenchcoat · 15/05/2025 11:45

I don’t understand why you even need to ask.

Because he’s worn her down always taking the piss whenever she’s exercised over three decades

Original poster
Menopausio · 15/05/2025 11:47

Superkitchen · 15/05/2025 11:44

But you say it’s every time you have ever decided to start looking after yourself

Show quote history

First time Ive pulled him up.
For the PP saying he is probably not that healthy even though he is slim - spot on, his cholesterol is high and he eats a lot of sugary biscuits and cakes.

OP posts:
GaspingGekko · 15/05/2025 11:47

I don't normally get riled up by the things I read on here. But I'm absolutely furious on your behalf here.
He followed you out in order to mock you for taking steps to improve your health and fitness? He mocked your running capabilities when that's the very thing you are working to improve?

I have run plenty of 10ks, halfs, marathons in the past but after several years out I'm slowly trying to get back into running. No matter how happy the rest of my marriage was my DH would be told exactly where he could shove his comments if he did that kind of thing to me.

Be proud of the amazing steps you are taking. Keep going with C25K and I hope you catch the running bug.

Andtheworldwentwhite · 15/05/2025 11:48

When I wanted to get healthy , spend money on the gym and all that entails. My husband joined up with me. We now do it together every morning. And if one of us doesn’t feel like going or wants to stop, the other one keeps us going. That is what a husband should be supportive. Not making a joke out of someone trying to better their life.

Original poster
Menopausio · 15/05/2025 11:49

Dozer · 15/05/2025 11:44

Good.

Hope you do get back to the pool! It’d be ideal, eg you have skills and it’d be much lower impact than running.

Im going again next week. I love swimming, used to be a 50 lenghs 4 times a week person, I'll be happy to do 2 at a time for now, just want to fet my technique back.

OP posts:
ItGhoul · 15/05/2025 11:57

Menopausio · 15/05/2025 11:42

Im thinking this is behind it all.
He has actually apologised now, he asked why I don't go swimming any more ( I used to be v good) and I told him I was put off in case people made fun of me in my swimwear. A light bulb went off over his head and a very sincere apology.

Show quote history

I'm very glad he's apologised. Hopefully he'll be more supportive now.

FWIW, until a few years ago I was so self-conscious about exercising in front of other people that I almost threw up with nerves when I started Couch to 5K at the thought of anyone seeing me (try to...) run, so I know exactly how horrible it can be when people make you feel worse like that.

Nanny0gg · 15/05/2025 12:00

Menopausio · 15/05/2025 11:47

First time Ive pulled him up.
For the PP saying he is probably not that healthy even though he is slim - spot on, his cholesterol is high and he eats a lot of sugary biscuits and cakes.

Show quote history

It's very extreme, but I'd be asking if he wanted a healthy wife or a dead one.

Original poster
Menopausio · 15/05/2025 12:14

@ItGhoul I do mine in the shed - I need to be braver !

OP posts:
Reggiebo · 15/05/2025 12:17

ARingtoit · 15/05/2025 11:34

He's threatened. You previously "requiring improvement" probably made him feel very safe and secure.

Also well done, OP! Keep it up - sounds like you're doing brilliantly.

This is exactly what I was thinking. Well done.

Toootss · 15/05/2025 12:18

I think he is unsettled by your change in behaviour -just ignore or as you did tell him not to comment.

outerspacepotato · 15/05/2025 12:18

He's negging you to undermine your confidence. You handled it perfectly. You have to do that every time he does this. He's trying to sabotage your effort to get healthier

Think about it. He followed you out to where you were exercising to verbally insult you. He went for your weak point, your self image. Then when you called him on it, he tried the classic it's a joke response. What he was saying was awful. Is he emotionally abusive or controlling in other ways?

Congratulations on getting to where you're at.

Zebedee999 · 15/05/2025 12:27

Menopausio · 15/05/2025 11:17

Because he is feeling sorry for himself now.
Im obese, high heart rate, mobility problems due to chronic pain and in menopause.
Over the past few months Ive been making slow, steady changes to improve my health. Im now at the point where I can start to up my cardio so as well as going for long walks Ive started the couch to 5k . Im doing that on our treadmill until I feel more confident. I usually do this when H is out of the house, however he is at home today and has just followed me out to where the treadmill is , asking if Im going to run for 30 seconds , laughing at his own joke, should he have an ambulance on standby ect. I finished my session then came in and calmly asked him why he would do that ?! Its very out of character for him.
Apparently he was only joking- asked him to explain the joke.
Ive now been told Ive no sense of humour. He has been told that if he cannot be supportive, or at the very least keep his stupid comments to himself , he can stay well away from me when Im exercising.

Well done you on making the effort. Would love to see before and after pictures one day. Good luck with the 5k. Just walking 5k a day will transform you if the running is too much. Well done.

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 15/05/2025 12:30

Worldgonecrazy · 15/05/2025 11:20

He is feeling bad that he is not taking care of himself and is deflecting that on to you.

Its not your problem that he feels that way - he should grow up and own his feelings.

Well done on starting C25K.

All of this.

But, also, what they said too: what a twat.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 15/05/2025 12:31

Yanbu.

He is acting immature and a bit stupid. Hopefully it was his last attempt at being funny.

Good luck with your routine. I hope that he will be more supportive going forward.

Soyfinger · 15/05/2025 15:35

ItGhoul · 15/05/2025 11:39

My guess is that he's insecure and thinks if you get fit and lose weight you'll find yourself a nicer husband.

Show quote history

That won’t be hard to do given this husband

Soyfinger · 15/05/2025 15:37

Menopausio · 15/05/2025 11:47

First time Ive pulled him up.
For the PP saying he is probably not that healthy even though he is slim - spot on, his cholesterol is high and he eats a lot of sugary biscuits and cakes.

Show quote history

You have endured three decades of him ridiculing you whenever you have wanted to engage in exercise and this is the first time you have ever said something?!

SparklyGlitterballs · 15/05/2025 15:43

It wasn't a joke, it was disrespect masked as humour. I'm pleased to see he's apologised properly now and hope he becomes more supportive of you.

Tessiebear2023 · 15/05/2025 16:02

Menopausio · 15/05/2025 11:49

Im going again next week. I love swimming, used to be a 50 lenghs 4 times a week person, I'll be happy to do 2 at a time for now, just want to fet my technique back.

Show quote history

Please do get back to swimming - sooner rather than later. You love it, you're good at it, and 'muscle memory' is a real thing! It'll be so much easier for you to make progress at swimming than in running, since your body will already know what it's doing. You also won't risk an injury - just about every runner I know ends up injured or gets bad knees. Swimming is a better all-round exercise, do it!!

I've just got back to cycling after a long hiatus due to health and meno, I was really surprised at how quickly I got back my cardio fitness, and muscles are almost there too. Plus.. i just love it, so no need for heaps of will power. Yes, putting my old leggings on was awful at first, but I got over that pretty quickly.

IButtleSir · 15/05/2025 16:06

Menopausio · 15/05/2025 11:49

Im going again next week. I love swimming, used to be a 50 lenghs 4 times a week person, I'll be happy to do 2 at a time for now, just want to fet my technique back.

Show quote history

Good for you for making positive changes to your health. I just wanted to encourage you to go back to swimming, because:
A) There are people of all shapes and sizes at my local pool, and;
B) If you are obese and have mobility issues, high impact exercise like running can be very damaging to your joints.

Soyfinger · 15/05/2025 16:10

Im obese, high heart rate, mobility problems due to chronic pain and in menopause.

You would think he might actually be bloody concerned about you Op given this sounds very life limiting

but no…. He chooses to ridicule