Working and being a stay-at-home parent are equally demanding

[lolstevelol]

I’ve never quite understood why so many people claim that being a stay-at-home parent is harder.

Working and supporting an entire family on a single income is incredibly tough and often extremely stressful. In the past, I stayed in toxic, high-stress jobs—but the only reason I managed was because I knew I could walk away at any time. I didn’t have a family depending on me.

I've seen many parents who are the sole earners for their families fall into depression or burnout from the constant pressure of providing, especially when they're stuck in toxic work environments. The emotional weight of knowing others rely on your income makes it even harder

I wouldn't call the being SAHM though but being a carer (which I agree is light years from being 'just' a SAHM). Both of mine have SN, one is severely disabled and the load involved is so much more

Being a sahp to kids who go to school is surely easier / nicer than working? Being a sahp to preschool age kids who don't go to nursery is hard though. Depending on the kids and how easy they are, I'd honestly say working is easier than being at home all day with more than one toddler / baby

I was a single mum for a while and the pressure of being the sole earner and sole adult in the house was very hard.

While on mat leave and working p/t I found my at home days with my kids far harder than my job, but then I like my job and it’s not particularly stressful.

For me four hours of non-stop screaming a day for several months (baby with colic, turned out to have ASD) and a baby who woke up for feeds every 1-2 hours a night was the hardest stage.

No you don’t do all the things. Your children are presumably cared for elsewhere while you’re at work. Therefore you aren’t changing nappies, playing cars, going to soft play, wiping snot or sweeping crumbs from lunchtime during those hours. Your house is presumably less messy because there’s no one making a mess in it while you’re at work. You aren’t making, serving and washing up your child’s meals during that time. You’re doing fewer hours of actual hands on child raising, which is fairly full on with babies and toddlers.

Yes you still have to do laundry and housework and “the mental load” and do a lot for and with your child, and I’m not claiming being a mother in paid employment isn’t difficult but it does not simply equate to being a SAHM plus a job on top, especially in the early years.

Whether being a stay at home or working parent is “easier” is a daft question, subjective, dependent on the particular situation and unnecessarily divisive.

Exactly right and that’s the point. Much more time when you are already home to do household things while being at work (especially physically) makes it much harder.

Ive done both (by choice) and being home was much much easier and less stressful. It’s the mental load.

I also feel much better in work challenging my brain, being with adults, feel like I am accomplishing something and setting a positive independent example for my children.

I was also going to say depends on the job, but the opposite for me - staying at home was way tougher than doing my job.

Being a sahm was simple but after a year decided to go back to work i 4eally don't know what sahp parents do all day where they say it is a full time job equivalent

There are no absolute truths when it comes to this. I enjoyed being a sahm with my kids while my DH (and some friends of mine) would have gone mad. But then I have always liked being around kids and doing child related activities so it came natural to me so in my case working would have been harder for sure.
Still sahm because one is autistic and DH works irregular hours with overnight stays and someone needs to be home. Much easier now when they are older; I can go to the gym almost every day for ex but harder in some ways with helping with homework and teenage behaviour. But i get most days to myself so I have the energy to deal with DS1 afterwzrds
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I've put yabu OP because the work of sahm's has been undervalued for decades but now as capitalism has made so many women see both these roles a lot have realised that actually this is bollocks. I'm sure there are individuals in jobs with a lot of stress, but thats not the case for the majority.

Due to various circumstances I was a SAHM briefly when my NT DD was reception age/Y1, and it was a doddle. Quite frankly I felt like an unemployed housewife.

Working was a hard juggling act, and I work in a profession that has family friendly hours and has no massive amount of stresses associated with it (aside from the odd incident).

My life was an awful lot easier as a SAHM than it is now as a full time worker, and also trying to manage home life. Probably not popular but in my case it’s true - SAHM were far easier years.

I’ve done a mix of everything - easiest was SAHM to school age children (although a bit boring sometimes), next is my current situation which is part time work with school age children - personally I think this option is “best” in that it gives me purpose and time to get life stuff done.

I didn’t enjoy the (for me) relentlessness of SAHM with baby / toddler - that was hard and I think especially so having had a “career” type job beforehand.

Worst BY FAR for me was working full time in a pretty demanding job with children - I basically had a breakdown trying to juggle house needs, kids needs and work needs.

It depends on the situation
sahp
Type of job the working parent has
How involved the working parent is when at home
how much support/money the family has

working parent(s)
how hard their job is
how much money/external support/paid help they have

then there’s parents and child health.

I would say a single parent working in a stressful job with no spare money, external support, funds to pay for help who has health issues and multiple children with disabilities could probably win at who has the hardest life. And in second place would be the exact same scenario but a sahp.

Ive been a sahm for a period when my dc were pre school age and working is way harder! Being at home with the DC was lovely, i got to spend time with them going to parks and playing in the garden, meeting friends etc.

Now (working) we have all the same stuff to do regarding house and life admin, dc activities etc we just have far far less leisure time.

I have been both. Being a SAHM meant the house was nicer, the kitchen was stocked and the laundry done. But it was lonely. It was so lonely. I felt like a skivvy, free help. If I met up with friends, chats were always about the kids. Other friends would talk about work, friends at work they went out with, I felt isolated. I always felt as though I was apologising or justifying myself for not working.
Working meant I got adult time. I could be me. Just me. I could be a real person, not just a housekeeper and a parent. I could have fun, grown up conversations, and contribute financially to the family income.
I got judged more for being a SAHM than I did for working, most of the mums where I live are fairly career driven.

As a single mother to 4 (and don’t give me don’t have children you can’t afford- he left for more £££) I did ALL the life admin, child care, and worked full time too.
I’d have given my eye teeth to share the load.
He’s retired on a good pension now. I could never afford to pay into one so will work till I drop.

So there’s that.

I would have done in a shot but as I've replied elsewhere, his role was very senior and the pressure wasn't financial. DH worked for an incredibly toxic company where a dog-eat-dog culture was deliberately engineered by its founder and principal shareholder as an easy way to drive performance. DH didn't know this at the time he joined because the public image of the founder is that of a hipster that can't do enough for the world. He stayed on solely because he was incredibly well paid and paying off the mortgage before he turned 40 became his exit strategy (if I have to go through this, its been for a purpose type of thinking). He achieved it and then had a collapse. All I could do was watch and pick up the pieces. He took a year to recover from the breakdown and then worked freelance for the rest of his career, he never joined another company.

I feel for you when you say that all you can do is watch him struggle. For 5 years my DH was absent from our lives, physically there but not emotionally, you could see the stress. So many men take jobs they hate so they can fulfill their self-imposed gender expectation to provide. One good thing that has come out of all this is that DH has been adamant that our DCs only enter careers and jobs they enjoy without putting any expectations on them. When our DS dropped out of Uni to enter a trade my DH couldn't been more supportive.

I’ve never quite understood why so many people claim that being a stay-at-home parent is harder

I have never heard anyone say this

I think it depends on your skill set.

I enjoy my work, I'm good at it and found it wasn't massively stressful for me, despite being a traditionally stressful career path.

Where as being a sahp to pre school children was awful for me. I was bad at it, I hated it and found it incredibly stressful.

Other people feel the reverse. We're all different.