BBC news using the phrase "broken home"

[IsitaHatOrACat]

Really? Really? Whilst I'm not overly interested to know about this man's drug fuelled years, the description of him coming from a "broken home" has infuriated me.
As a single parent to a 15 year old, I can confirm that there us nothing whatsoever "broken" about our home or small family.
I really thought we had moved on from this type of shaming of single parent families
Seriously BBC, do better.

BBC News - Heavy hangs the crown - sadness at Wiggins' troubles
www.bbc.com/sport/cycling/articles/c23mv42m2lmo

What, any mother and father? Or the ideal ones?
This is just such nonsense, truly

It seems a high percentage of couples split up after having children.

In some cases both parents remain committed to trying to remain in their children's lives.

In many cases it's the mothers who carries the load

In a depressing number of cases the fathers drift away playing little or no role in their children's lives

For many children their parents go on to form new families which they have little say in or control over.

In all cases the parents actually have no idea how any of this will affect their children. Only the children can verify what the impact of all of these choices is on them individually.

My MIL will die swearing that the choices she made around who she had relationships & children with, had NO negative impact on the children she already had. I live with her son & see the reality daily.

You are seriously comparing cars with people? And "should be the accepted norm" - fuck off with that judgmental bullshit. We don't live in Victorian times anymore, thank goodness.

I think some people are feeling very defensive about their marriages 😅

I was thinking how desperate people appear to be in their attempts to justify raising their kids in broken homes. 😂

@FortyElephantsexactly!! I work in mental health, with a lot of 70-50 year old clients who had parents who stayed together as was more usual back then. The damage their childhoods did, the stuff they witnessed, despite two parents being together. What I and the other single mums I know are providing in terms of a stable home, love, attention, emotional maturity far outweighs what many two parent households provide.
It’s an inconvenient fact that many couples have to please and pay attention to each other as well as the children. So naturally their children will be worse off, if mum has to pay attention to and fuss over her husband as well as their children. And this dynamic (man child/ father who is actually jealous of his own children) is NOT uncommon.

ODFOD.

What are you talking about justify? I had no choice in the matter. I don't need to justify how I raised my child with no physical or financial support from an abusive man, there is nothing to justify 😆 I can tell you 100% guaranteed my son has a better life than he would have had if we hadn't divorced/he hadn't left.

If a child has 2 parents together in their home and then the parents separate, their home is broken. It might be for the best, but the actual home they had to start with is broken

And it is for the child to feel how broken their home was, not the parent. You may be doing an amazing job as a single mum, if dad went awol, but doesn’t mean the child won’t miss the fact they don’t have a dad in the picture. They possibly might not tell you so as not to hurt your feelings, and their picture of the dad they want won’t necessarily be their actual dad.

To be fair, if you know anything about Bradley Wiggins he has a long history of psychological and addiction issues, and he has often said that it dates back to his parents' split and his "abandonment" by his father. The nature of his childhood home is very much relevant in this particular case.

I think you’re taking it too self-righteously. Sorry, but when a father of a two year old leaves a family to live in poverty, then there is damage there, no matter how you look at it. No one is claiming that the single parent hasn’t done their utmost to repair and make up for the damage, and done brilliantly, but there has been damage to overcome nonetheless.

In the interest of taking as much bias as possible out of the news, the BBC shouldn't use the phrase as it has judgemental undertones.

Maybe it's a bit of both - but you're the one choosing to use pejorative language to describe homes you know nothing about. 🤷‍♀️

I'm sure you did provide an excellent home. My comment was tongue in cheek and I didn't mean to offend people in your situation.

I do, however, think that perhaps some people do prioritise their own immediate gratification/happiness rather than their children's.

I know a couple that have recently divorced. The woman is from a wealthy family and it's been a 'zero impact' event for her. They have 50:50 custody of the kids, but during her week she's out at her hobbies every evening and leaves bedtimes to babysitters. The children are young and, according to their father, quite traumatised by the divorce. They get really upset at bedtimes and he thinks she should prioritise their needs over her hobbies.

When men go bad, it's always their mother's fault. No matter how old the man is. It's definitely the mother. Especially if she's a single mother. That's her fault, too.

I agree with you op. Home is a place of love and sanctuary. Or it should be. I work in child protection . Parents stay in toxic relationships to the detriment of their children's wellbeing because they don't want a 'broken home' when their home is already shattered .

My parents got divorced when I was a teenager. It was probably the best thing for them, but I don't think it was the best thing for me as they hid their issues so well that I was totally blindsided when they announced their divorce! As far as I was aware everything was great.

I have no issues with the phrase broken home. We had a complete family and then my parents "broke" up. I don't see stigma in the phrase.

Only if you choose to be offended. Our kids are the product of two divorces, they’d absolutely describe their first homes as broken.

Well some think the BBC is one person with one set of political opinions.

It's not particularly useful language, but I also think divorce affects kids a lot more than many people recognize. It manifests many years later in their adult relationships. It's often the best solution to poor choices made by their parents, but it's the kids that have to live with the consequences of the poor choices. I think a lot of these poor choices are made pre kids, in a rush to tick societies boxes and beat biology.

I thought of the woman yesterday, with the insane timeline to date, marry, get pregnant. There was no way her plan would allow her to truly know the father of her future kids, or their compatibility. She wasn't even planning to sleep with him before marriage. It was all about her wanting a baby.

I couldn't agree more. There's nothing broken about this home although my son's dad and I are no longer married. It's a comfortable, safe place where my son is cared for, fed lovingly cooked meals, is able to welcome his friends, do his homework and play or read. He has similar at the home he shares with his dad when he's not with me.

Language can and should be changed. We live in a one parent home, if it needs a descriptor.

That's my point. It's introducing subjectivity.

But broken home refers to divorced parents, not a home where abuse occurs. I'm genuinely surprised at some of the responses on here.

That might be your understanding of the term OP, but it is not mine nor, I suggest, is your interpretation widely accepted.

Although I do totally see your point- I think you are slightly misunderstanding the phrase. It describes families who have divorced or separated during a childs formative years. If you were always a single parent- there was never a change or a break to refer to- so you are not a broken home.

The term could be applicable to me as my parents split during my childhood years- I feel the term has changed from being a straight description of any seperated family to being one that implies there was an emotional trauma from the disruption. So I might be surprised but not upset if they did use it about me. The upheaval of divorce as an early teen was a lot emotionally. My parents were pretty nasty to each other. I have some anxiety issues as an adult, it might have played a part.

Its use now seems to be mainly from defence teams trying to convey childhood trauma and I think it's useful in that context- so I wouldn't advocate for it being banned. When the papers use it it's almost always because the person themselves or their defence have used the description rather than it being a judgement from an outsider, so I think its ok. I think the term can be quite empowering for a person with a bad childhood to be able to say to convey my homelife broke down and it wasn't okay.