BBC news using the phrase "broken home"

[IsitaHatOrACat]

Really? Really? Whilst I'm not overly interested to know about this man's drug fuelled years, the description of him coming from a "broken home" has infuriated me.
As a single parent to a 15 year old, I can confirm that there us nothing whatsoever "broken" about our home or small family.
I really thought we had moved on from this type of shaming of single parent families
Seriously BBC, do better.

BBC News - Heavy hangs the crown - sadness at Wiggins' troubles
www.bbc.com/sport/cycling/articles/c23mv42m2lmo

Chiseltip

Your last sentence has really pissed me off! WTAF

My kids have been bought up just by me, they've always known how much they're loved, I've sat with them through any issues, such as boyfriend/girlfriend troubles, you name it.
I've spent time with them always, I've helped them with their homework, I've been there consistently for them when they've been ill or literally whenever they've needed me, and I'll ALWAYS be there for my kids until my last breath, so how bloody dare you write such bollocks that a 'single parent's efforts will never be as good as a mother and father raising a child together'

My kids have turned into well adjusted and happy adults, who are both thriving in their lives, read my first post at the start. They haven't been 'short changed' as you imply, just because they've been bought up by a single parent, many kids are raised in two parent households, and many of those kids are unhappy and uncared for.

I've replied to Chiseltips post too, but I couldn't quote her comment after I'd written my response. I've never heard such a ridiculous comment

So are you saying that a child who is orphaned as a baby and raised by their grandparents, for instance, is being bought up in a 'broken home' because their mum and dad aren't around?

Just when I thought I'd read the most stupid comment I've previously replied to, along comes yours!
You are clearly very clueless that women (and men) can be in what they believe to be loving relationships, even for a number of years, then abuse starts when children come along.
As you like to state 'facts', then my comment is a FACT, so wind your neck in and stop coming across as such a know it all.
It isn't the result of 'poor choices' in so many cases. Think logically about it, do you really think that people would stay with and go on to have children with partners if they believed they were potential abusers or cheaters?

Seriously.

The signs are always there.

Mediocre marriages are exactly what people should be aiming for - if it works out to be mediocre, which means 'not shit' - this is great! What do you think, that there are great marriages all over the place? Come bloody on!

FFS are you for real?
Of course the signs aren't always there!!!
I'm actually wondering if you're being deliberately goady or are just incredibly naïve with a twist of thinking you know better than anyone else. You know nothing. Period.

Common... that's obviously not what is being said. I think you know that.

Although, an orphaned child will have different emotions as a result of their situation.

It isn't a broken home though.

And it isn't a 'broken home' if children are raised in a single parent household, if those children are raised with stability and love.

A broken home to me is one where children are raised in a dsyfunctional family unit. Often times that dysfunctional unit consists of both parents who raise their children in a difficult atmosphere, because there's abuse, infidelity, arguments etc etc going on.

It is equally disingenuous to suggest all single parents are unable to protect and support their children, provide for them, bring them up appropriately. And there is sod all broken about my family. We could have had a different life if their dad had provided financial support but my hard work gave them plenty. I have 3 incredible young adults in nd out my house, girlfriends, a lot of laughter. I am sure there is an existing negative impact on them as a result of their father’s actions but we could never be described as broken.

You know nothing at all. They’re really not,

Yes but the stickers are there if people look harder enough and and not blinded by a bit of attention and ''he loves me" how much is actually not there and how much is ignored?

Ok so I will ask people 2 questions

1. thinking back of all your relationships that are no longer there, how many can you think back and say absolutely there was not one hint of something wrong the person absolutely changed overnight and was 100% a different person? there was no sign at all in any of the relationships you ignored, or they ignored about you? it does work both ways

1. with all the people in trouble with the police or schools what is their background? if you sat down and wrote a chart what would the chart show?

Successfully for them I’m afraid. As long as no violence or emotional abuse many many children don’t experience the issues of their parents when married. A breakup is a massive negative event to them. You are talking about the parents here. Ask the children….

With respect, you clearly know next to nothing about domestic violence. I work in the field, have devoted myself to my work for the best part of three decades, what I can tell you is this:

1. Many abusers will master operating with a mask, a version of themselves, and are able to function very well for years until the back breaking exhaustion of parenthood, and then the abuse becomes apparent, it tends to happen gradually over a period of time. We call it the boiling frog technique.

2. Many women grow up in dysfunctional homes, and simply do not recognise a red flag or a ‘hint’ as you put it of the danger they are in. It is their ‘normal’ and would take years of therapy to unpick. Do you think they or the government have the resources to help them with this? No, and no.

3. Even the most stable of relationships with no re flags whatsoever can be seriously derailed by mental illness, bereavement and life trauma.

4. Due to the way our society is organised a woman is immensely vulnerable once pregnant, more so with multiple children. More often and not she does not have a community to turn to, and it’s only when things have deteriorated to the point of police and court intervention will support or protection be offered. Once you are in this situation it can be very hard to leave, psychologically impaired with limited means and options it is an incredibly daunting task.

5. A lack of a criminal record or an outstanding school record is not an indication of character, only the means to avoid legal action and an expensive education. There is no class divide with dv, despite popular opinion, it can literally happen to anyone.

Assuming that poor outcomes can only happen with red flags is misguided, and quite frankly offensive.

We can never know ‘all parts’ of a person, there is always an element of uncertainty in any relationship. Whilst we can take precautions, there is no sure fire way of avoiding domestic violence, serious dishonesty and other abuse. You can only equip people with the tools to deal with it if it should happen to them. It is essential that posts like this take extreme care not to blame the victim. The real issue always lies with the perpetrators of such crimes.

Your focus should be on what we are doing as a society to address the perpetrators, not the victims.

It is nothing about class it is interesting you think it is, but this means the red flags are there they are just ignored. If parents cared about their children they would do what they can go break the cycle ot is up them the minimise their children making the same mistakes thyy are doing the government cant be blamed for everything

If have so much experience it would not surprise me your clients are children and possibly grandchildren going through the same things again, of course society has to keep on picking up the pieces

@Renabrookyoure actually deranged. OP said that she works with domestic abuse victims, not that she or her children (did she mention children?) are victims. What job do you do which qualifies to know about the psychology of abusers and their victims?
It must be nice to think of the world so clearly, to imagine that men come with neon flashing signs which say abuser. Do you also think that of rapists and rape victims?

Also what do you think people can ‘do’ to change the cycle. My friend was raised in a dysfunctional household, her mum was good but dad was abusive and alcohol dependent. She went to Oxford university and met the son of a vicar there, she and he left with firsts, went on to have a great career as a civil servant. Guess what, he still ended up being abusive!
No one had any idea, he was even brought up in many examples as a ‘good man’ ‘perfect husband’ etc.

Making my life worse by going from “good/ok” to “mediocre” makes no sense to me but you do you.

The victims children and grandchildren staying in the cycle not the poster's

I'm now a single parent and not terribly bothered by the term 'broken home'. I do my absolute best for my children every day, but I'm not going to pretend that a stable secure two parent family wouldn't be better for them. But their seemingly loving supportive father abruptly buggered off. It was very sudden, and I think for them something WAS broken at that point. I think if we're all honest with ourselves children do feel a sense of 'brokeness' around parental separation. And if they want to use that term in later life I would entirely understand why.

But I think almost every one of those children would prefer to have their parents under one roof, lets be honest. Especially when you factor in the inevitable arrival of new partners, new half / step siblings etc (interestingly my childrens' biggest worry when I had the divorce conversation after their dad left was the potential arrival of some random 'stepdad' - they'd both seen how it played out with their friends, where unwanted new 'step parents' arrived hot on the heels of the parental break up). The best you can say about a relationship / marriage ending when children are involved - except in cases of abuse - is that its the least bad option. And I'm very aware of abuse - I grew up with a violent stepfather.

Also leaving a mediocre marriage does not mean you are seeking another mediocre marriage.

Some leave for a sense of peace. Even if that means it’s by themselves.

Just because that’s what the children may prefer doesn’t mean the parents should destroy their mental health or happiness to achieve that.

Or that they should teach poor examples to children by remaining with a shitty partner.

And for many of us the new half siblings arrived WHILE our parents were together.

Hence the relationship breakdown.

But I think almost every one of those children would prefer to have their parents under one roof, lets be honest.

That’s one of the most accurate statements on this thread. Having heard my DiL’s bitterness about her parents’ separation more than 20 years later there’s no doubt in my mind that she wished passionately they’d stayed together. Probably still does.