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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Racially attacked 2 weeks ago and he got away with it- what can I do now?

61 replies

koolkatxx · 13/05/2025 11:45

Hi everyone. I really need help or advice, because I’m feeling terrified and helpless. Two weeks ago, I was walking home from the train station and passed a man who was just parking outside his house. I was leaving a voice note for my mum in Arabic, and he heard me. Out of nowhere, he spat at me, shouted racist and misogynistic abuse, and then went inside his house.
Shaken, I began walking away and I called my husband on video to tell him what had just happened. Suddenly, the same man came charging out of his house aggressively- hood up, hand in his pocket, yelling that I was a “b*tch” for "calling my fella". He threatened to beat both of us up, saying if my husband came, he’d attack him. My husband witnessed some of this over the video call.
I managed to screenshot the man’s face during the video call. I ran across the road to get away, and he chased me. I yelled that I was calling the police, and that’s when he finally turned and went back to his house. Once I saw his door shut, I rang 999 and started reporting everything.
But then it got worse. While I was still on the phone to the police, the man came out of his house again, this time running full speed towards me, while on the phone (presumably calling his friends). I genuinely thought I was going to die. I was screaming to the police that he was going to kill me. They told me to hide and not go home in case he followed me. I was just running and panicking.
Eventually, I collapsed from the fear. Around that time, my husband arrived and two police cars showed up. At the same moment, two cars full of men (the attacker’s friends) also turned up. The police arrested him and took me to the station to give a statement. My husband also gave a witness statement since he saw parts of it over video.
I submitted everything I had:
Screenshot of the man’s face
The original voice note where he first spat at me and abused me
A video of him shouting abuse
My husband also gave a witness account like I said, which is also evidence. My husband and I were kept separate the whole time (he arrived at the same time as the police) and they took me separately in their police car and took me straight to the room, while my husband waited in the reception area. We had no private contact and he gave his own account independently.
Despite this, the man was released the next day with NO CHARGES. They told me there wasn’t enough evidence. I submitted a Victim’s Right to Review, but the decision came back saying they were satisfied with the police's call not to charge him.
Now I’m living in constant fear. This man lives extremely close to me. Both him and his friends saw my face, my husband’s face, and our number plate. I can’t walk near his house, and any time I see a man in my area with his build, I get anxious and have to check his face to see if it’s him. It’s like I’m reliving the fear constantly and looking over my shoulder whenever I leave my house.
I don’t understand how someone can do all of this and walk free without a single consequence. The police say there’s nothing else they can do.
Is there anything else I can do? Any legal recourse? I’ve tried calling lawyers, but I keep getting told they only deal with criminal defence or criminal law after charges have been made. It seems like no one helps the victim’s side- especially when there’s no court case involved.
I feel like I’ve been left to fend for myself and I’m scared for my safety. Wondering if anyone has any ideas of what else I can do?

OP posts:
Pootles34 · 13/05/2025 11:49

OP I am so very sorry this happened to you - how awful!

I'm hoping someone will come along with specific knowledge of a charity or advocacy group that can help you, but in the meantime what about speaking to your MP?

RoastdinnerSunday · 13/05/2025 11:53

I'm sorry that I don't have any answers but my sympathies for you going through such an awful thing.

Nazzywish · 13/05/2025 11:54

Did they say why there was no charges? Can you speak to the detective in charge and ask what evidence would've been needed , any cctv locally?

I've been racially abused recently.- islamaphobia to be exact and my experience has been completely different..did you mention it was specific wording he used to fall into the hate crime category. It really does need reviewing. Ask the police what next steps you can take as you don't agree all the evidence was presented to cps.correctly etc.

koolkatxx · 13/05/2025 12:00

Nazzywish · 13/05/2025 11:54

Did they say why there was no charges? Can you speak to the detective in charge and ask what evidence would've been needed , any cctv locally?

I've been racially abused recently.- islamaphobia to be exact and my experience has been completely different..did you mention it was specific wording he used to fall into the hate crime category. It really does need reviewing. Ask the police what next steps you can take as you don't agree all the evidence was presented to cps.correctly etc.

Hi, I’m so sorry you went through this too, it’s such a horrible experience. In my case, the police claimed they went door-to-door in the estate, but said that everyone denied seeing or hearing anything, which I find hard to believe. The officer mentioned that some neighbours might know what kind of person he is and could be too scared to speak up, but unfortunately, the police can’t force anyone to hand over Ring doorbell footage or anything.
I spent about two hours giving my statement, and they did treat it as a hate crime. He said things like 'Muslim b**ch/ this is Britain I can spit where I want,' etc.) They also completed a Hate Crime Risk Assessment (I think that’s what it was- HIP or HIRA maybe?). I even followed up by email, and the officer replied with the following:
“In this case we conducted extensive H2H [house-to-house] enquiries to identify such evidence but unfortunately none was identified. Unfortunately, we are bound by the Director of Public Prosecutions (DPP) guidance when it comes to charging standards and/or referrals to the Crown Prosecution Service. In this instance the investigation didn’t pass the required threshold which is why it was decided to take No Further Action (NFA).”
It’s so disheartening to know that even with everything we go through, the system still lets people like this walk free. You're not alone- I'm right there with you.

OP posts:
DancingHippos · 13/05/2025 12:03

So sorry OP to hear about this awful situation. Can you ask neighbours yourself or did the police actually ask anyone themselves? If it was me, I'd definitely give video footage over to the police.

Redshoeblueshoe · 13/05/2025 12:06

I am so sorry, this is dreadful. Please contact your MP.

Nazzywish · 13/05/2025 12:06

So look up the definition of hate crime and that wording falls in there. But the trouble here is as you've said lack of witnesses or evidence to cooberate what you've said. BUT if this actual ' muslim b*itch ' line was in that voice note and its time stamped I don't think they've paid enough heed to that evidence. Your husband being a witness , depends if the statements wording matched up etc. The detective in charge ask to speak to them and get an understanding of why..mine have been so good calling me. He's not been arrested yet and I've no idea if he'll be charged but the communication has been great since it got passed to cid. The front line uniformed officer was really awful though telling me it wouldn't get anywhere etc.

ZoeCM · 13/05/2025 12:07

I am so sorry, OP, how horrendous. I can't understand how the police can say there isn't enough evidence. Surely the video is enough?

Nazzywish · 13/05/2025 12:08

Like you- mine is very local to me and I saw him the other day actually again. But he went for a vulnerable person who I was with that day which crossed a line for me, so ill pursue it as far as I can.

AliBaliBee1234 · 13/05/2025 12:10

The only thing I can think of to get some more evidence would be cctv/ring doorbell footage. Did the police suggest they'd look at that? I would ask.

Sorry this happened to you OP.

koolkatxx · 13/05/2025 12:10

Redshoeblueshoe · 13/05/2025 12:06

I am so sorry, this is dreadful. Please contact your MP.

Thank you- I did not think of this. I will do that. Do you know what my MP would be able to do?

OP posts:
koolkatxx · 13/05/2025 12:11

AliBaliBee1234 · 13/05/2025 12:10

The only thing I can think of to get some more evidence would be cctv/ring doorbell footage. Did the police suggest they'd look at that? I would ask.

Sorry this happened to you OP.

The police claimed they went house to house but nobody would say anything. My DH offered to knock on the houses himself on that road but I can't imagine they'd give anything to my husband if they didn't give anything to the police!

OP posts:
PlutoCat · 13/05/2025 12:13

I have no advice, but so sorry this happened to you. The racists are being emboldened.

Elle771 · 13/05/2025 12:13

Echo others saying contact your MP, you can also contact Police Conduct (if you feel they have dismissed your evidence as they claim to be clamping down on violence against women) and victim support services may be able to advise on taking things further as if they have timestamped voice evidence, corroborating witness statement AND two officers arrived whilst it was still going on its outrageous they can't be arsed pursuing it 😭😭

koolkatxx · 13/05/2025 12:14

Elle771 · 13/05/2025 12:13

Echo others saying contact your MP, you can also contact Police Conduct (if you feel they have dismissed your evidence as they claim to be clamping down on violence against women) and victim support services may be able to advise on taking things further as if they have timestamped voice evidence, corroborating witness statement AND two officers arrived whilst it was still going on its outrageous they can't be arsed pursuing it 😭😭

Thank you ❤

OP posts:
Secularbeaver · 13/05/2025 12:15

I'm so sorry you went through this and I am raging nothing is being done about it.

My husband was the victim of a racially motivated attack - he smashed the back of our car up with a crowbar after blocking my husband in the car. He also got away with it because my husband couldn't pick him out of a line up (it was 11pm dark and he had a hood up)...despite having his number plate CCTV and the guy having a previous arrest for racially motivated assault. It was also NFA.

It's absolutely sickening that it's allowed to go on and as a white person I'm ashamed and scared for my mixed race kids.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 13/05/2025 12:17

I'm so sorry, OP, this is awful. I have no advice to offer but wanted to express solidarity. You should not have to deal with this.

JHound · 13/05/2025 12:17

So sorry that happened to you and I wish we would take men’s violence more seriously.

I also notice the cowardice inherent in his attack. I read somewhere that women perceived to be muslim (and I state that carefully as people can speak Arabic and not be muslim) are the bigger victims of islamophobic attacks.

Violent racists are always so cowardly has been my experience to date

harijes · 13/05/2025 12:21

What about the 999 recording. That’s good evidence

curtaintwitcher78 · 13/05/2025 12:22

Who on earth has voted YABU????
This is terrifying, you must feel so helpless but please don't give up.
Officially complain, get on to your MP, keep banging on doors until they open.
People deserve better protection than this and whatever caused them to fob you off must come to light.

koolkatxx · 13/05/2025 12:25

JHound · 13/05/2025 12:17

So sorry that happened to you and I wish we would take men’s violence more seriously.

I also notice the cowardice inherent in his attack. I read somewhere that women perceived to be muslim (and I state that carefully as people can speak Arabic and not be muslim) are the bigger victims of islamophobic attacks.

Violent racists are always so cowardly has been my experience to date

Completely agree. When he first spat and started spewing things I said to him 'do you feel like a big brave man attacking a young girl' (he is 40s and I am early 20s) and he began mocking me and saying 'oh are you a little frail girl' etc. Very misogynistic. Obviously after when he came back out of his house my body went into flight mode and I did not speak back anymore as I was terrified

OP posts:
koolkatxx · 13/05/2025 12:26

harijes · 13/05/2025 12:21

What about the 999 recording. That’s good evidence

Exactly!!! I was screaming and bawling my eyes out. I really do not understand

OP posts:
Greenartywitch · 13/05/2025 12:26

You have plenty of evidence OP so I suggest you lodge an official complaint with the police station and make it clear to them that you will involve your local MP and the press if nothing is done.

I am so sorry you had to go through this.

Mylegishangingoff · 13/05/2025 12:27

I'm not in the UK so have no advice but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry this happened to you. It sounds absolutely terrifying and I'm not surprised you are now afraid.