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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Racially attacked 2 weeks ago and he got away with it- what can I do now?

61 replies

koolkatxx · 13/05/2025 11:45

Hi everyone. I really need help or advice, because I’m feeling terrified and helpless. Two weeks ago, I was walking home from the train station and passed a man who was just parking outside his house. I was leaving a voice note for my mum in Arabic, and he heard me. Out of nowhere, he spat at me, shouted racist and misogynistic abuse, and then went inside his house.
Shaken, I began walking away and I called my husband on video to tell him what had just happened. Suddenly, the same man came charging out of his house aggressively- hood up, hand in his pocket, yelling that I was a “b*tch” for "calling my fella". He threatened to beat both of us up, saying if my husband came, he’d attack him. My husband witnessed some of this over the video call.
I managed to screenshot the man’s face during the video call. I ran across the road to get away, and he chased me. I yelled that I was calling the police, and that’s when he finally turned and went back to his house. Once I saw his door shut, I rang 999 and started reporting everything.
But then it got worse. While I was still on the phone to the police, the man came out of his house again, this time running full speed towards me, while on the phone (presumably calling his friends). I genuinely thought I was going to die. I was screaming to the police that he was going to kill me. They told me to hide and not go home in case he followed me. I was just running and panicking.
Eventually, I collapsed from the fear. Around that time, my husband arrived and two police cars showed up. At the same moment, two cars full of men (the attacker’s friends) also turned up. The police arrested him and took me to the station to give a statement. My husband also gave a witness statement since he saw parts of it over video.
I submitted everything I had:
Screenshot of the man’s face
The original voice note where he first spat at me and abused me
A video of him shouting abuse
My husband also gave a witness account like I said, which is also evidence. My husband and I were kept separate the whole time (he arrived at the same time as the police) and they took me separately in their police car and took me straight to the room, while my husband waited in the reception area. We had no private contact and he gave his own account independently.
Despite this, the man was released the next day with NO CHARGES. They told me there wasn’t enough evidence. I submitted a Victim’s Right to Review, but the decision came back saying they were satisfied with the police's call not to charge him.
Now I’m living in constant fear. This man lives extremely close to me. Both him and his friends saw my face, my husband’s face, and our number plate. I can’t walk near his house, and any time I see a man in my area with his build, I get anxious and have to check his face to see if it’s him. It’s like I’m reliving the fear constantly and looking over my shoulder whenever I leave my house.
I don’t understand how someone can do all of this and walk free without a single consequence. The police say there’s nothing else they can do.
Is there anything else I can do? Any legal recourse? I’ve tried calling lawyers, but I keep getting told they only deal with criminal defence or criminal law after charges have been made. It seems like no one helps the victim’s side- especially when there’s no court case involved.
I feel like I’ve been left to fend for myself and I’m scared for my safety. Wondering if anyone has any ideas of what else I can do?

OP posts:
Oceangrey · 13/05/2025 12:29

I'm so sorry this happened, how awful particularly as he lives close to you. You shouldn't have to live in fear of him.

Seventree · 13/05/2025 12:36

That's awful, I'm so sorry you went through that!

I wouldn't risk going door to door yourselves, there's too big a risk of encountering another aggressive, racist moron, but could you post something online asking for help?

My local FB group has recently had a post put on by the dad of a Muslim teen who was racially abused on his way home (thankfully it was 'only' one comment and he wasn't followed in this case). Multiple people came forward with doorbell footage and wanted to help. I don't usually like FB but it can be brilliant for this kind of thing. People who didn't want to stick their necks out when the police knocked might feel shamed/emboldened into sharing the footage when they see the general consensus is that the man needs to be charged.

JHound · 13/05/2025 12:46

Secularbeaver · 13/05/2025 12:15

I'm so sorry you went through this and I am raging nothing is being done about it.

My husband was the victim of a racially motivated attack - he smashed the back of our car up with a crowbar after blocking my husband in the car. He also got away with it because my husband couldn't pick him out of a line up (it was 11pm dark and he had a hood up)...despite having his number plate CCTV and the guy having a previous arrest for racially motivated assault. It was also NFA.

It's absolutely sickening that it's allowed to go on and as a white person I'm ashamed and scared for my mixed race kids.

People like this are sick in the head. I cannot fathom being driven to this level of violent hatred and attack because you have taken deep offence to the level of melanin in somebody’s skin.

Anyotherdude · 13/05/2025 12:47

I don’t think the Police want to police any more…

Treaclewell · 13/05/2025 12:52

My sympathies for you. My then brother-in-law had an incident when on a public footpath when an Alsatian was set on him. He had bite marks front and back to his torso. I've seen a photo. One bite. The police wouldn't do a thing. Not enough evidence, from a doctor. Nothing ever done. Local opinion was that the dog owner was on witness protection, and knew he could get away with it. I hope that in this case there is nothing like that.
Have you tried reporting to Prevent? The rapid deployment of two car loads of mates suggests a public danger.

JHound · 13/05/2025 12:53

koolkatxx · 13/05/2025 12:25

Completely agree. When he first spat and started spewing things I said to him 'do you feel like a big brave man attacking a young girl' (he is 40s and I am early 20s) and he began mocking me and saying 'oh are you a little frail girl' etc. Very misogynistic. Obviously after when he came back out of his house my body went into flight mode and I did not speak back anymore as I was terrified

I remember being a teen and crossing a zebra crossing with friends after school.

This middle aged driver clearly took umbrage at having to wait and as he drove off wound down his window and shouted racial abuse at us.
Two things remained with me: he had a young boy in his passenger seat so was raising the next generation with hatred and two he waited till he was driving off to shout abuse.

Two cowardly to do it while we were crossing. A grown adult middle aged man scared of a bunch of school girls.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 13/05/2025 12:55

Oh God, how terrifying!

Girl, I'm sorry, i don't have any advice for you either but just wanted to send my well wishes.

You did nothing to deserve such evil, he's just a nut job that is being emboldened by the rise of the far right.

I hope that you and your husband can call on the community to increase your safety (even though you shouldn't have to!), and that you can maybe go to the IPCC?

Or to the press, since you have everything recorded?

All the best ❤️

SeerSuckerDress · 13/05/2025 13:00

Sending hugs. I think they simply couldn’t be bothered to take this further. I bet if you were rich or famous, they wouldn’t drop it.
I am so sorry x

Gotback · 13/05/2025 13:06

www.apccs.police.uk This is the website for Police & Crime Commissioners. They are a relatively new body that is meant to act as a bridge between the police and the public. The police commissioner is elected (so not employed by the police, is my understanding). When I was getting nowhere with a local anti-social behaviour problem, I emailed the PCC and action was taken within days.

I would add that the PCC was completely new then (about 12 years ago) so I doubt they had much work on & could deal with my complaint straight away. I doubt that is the case now and of course I'm not saying you'll definitely get somewhere with them but they are definitely worth a try.

Also contact your MP, as others have said. To both your MP and the PCC set out exactly what happened as you have done here, emphasising what evidence must surely have been captured on your phone & what may be (if the police could be arsed to make proper enquiries) on any cctv in that area.

Best wishes to you.

HRTQueen · 13/05/2025 13:23

I am really sorry this has happened to you op what a nasty racist bully he is

I agree with contacting your MP and let the police know you are contacting your MP.

Contact from MP's seems to get things moving in the correct direction (not always of course..) but worth a try MP's are there to represent your interests

koolkatxx · 13/05/2025 13:27

Lark1ane · 13/05/2025 12:27

@koolkatxx
I'm so sorry.
Please contact this organisation for help and support, they will be able to support and advise.
https://tellmamauk.org/

I tried calling them, leaving messages and dmed them on Twitter over a week ago, no response :/ Will try again, thank you

OP posts:
koolkatxx · 13/05/2025 13:28

Seventree · 13/05/2025 12:36

That's awful, I'm so sorry you went through that!

I wouldn't risk going door to door yourselves, there's too big a risk of encountering another aggressive, racist moron, but could you post something online asking for help?

My local FB group has recently had a post put on by the dad of a Muslim teen who was racially abused on his way home (thankfully it was 'only' one comment and he wasn't followed in this case). Multiple people came forward with doorbell footage and wanted to help. I don't usually like FB but it can be brilliant for this kind of thing. People who didn't want to stick their necks out when the police knocked might feel shamed/emboldened into sharing the footage when they see the general consensus is that the man needs to be charged.

Edited

That's a great idea- thank you!

OP posts:
koolkatxx · 13/05/2025 13:29

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 13/05/2025 12:55

Oh God, how terrifying!

Girl, I'm sorry, i don't have any advice for you either but just wanted to send my well wishes.

You did nothing to deserve such evil, he's just a nut job that is being emboldened by the rise of the far right.

I hope that you and your husband can call on the community to increase your safety (even though you shouldn't have to!), and that you can maybe go to the IPCC?

Or to the press, since you have everything recorded?

All the best ❤️

I contacted both the Sun and BBC and heard nothing back unfortunately!!!

OP posts:
LivelyMintViper · 13/05/2025 13:29

MP. Newspapers. Create a noise. Hope you get some justice

koolkatxx · 13/05/2025 13:30

Gotback · 13/05/2025 13:06

www.apccs.police.uk This is the website for Police & Crime Commissioners. They are a relatively new body that is meant to act as a bridge between the police and the public. The police commissioner is elected (so not employed by the police, is my understanding). When I was getting nowhere with a local anti-social behaviour problem, I emailed the PCC and action was taken within days.

I would add that the PCC was completely new then (about 12 years ago) so I doubt they had much work on & could deal with my complaint straight away. I doubt that is the case now and of course I'm not saying you'll definitely get somewhere with them but they are definitely worth a try.

Also contact your MP, as others have said. To both your MP and the PCC set out exactly what happened as you have done here, emphasising what evidence must surely have been captured on your phone & what may be (if the police could be arsed to make proper enquiries) on any cctv in that area.

Best wishes to you.

Thank you so much- I will do this now!!

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 13/05/2025 13:54

I see people have suggested going to the PCC - usually if you go to either them or the IOPC they'll expect you to have made a complaint to the police themselves first and from your post i don't think you have done that? It's not the same as the victim's right to a review, its making a complaint about the force's actions. It will usually be considered by someone in PSD (Professional standard debt). Once they've considered your complaint they'll give you the details of how to escalate to pcc etc if unhappy.
There should be details on the force's website or there's a form on the iopc website

JHound · 13/05/2025 14:54

This is also one of the benefits of social media. If I had video I would share it.

Beeinalily · 13/05/2025 15:17

This is so crazy, others have been arrested for silly social media messages and yet he's got away with this? The only thing I can think of is that he's a friend or relative of someone in the police. I agree with previous posters, get in touch with your MP. He/she should look into this, surely.

JohnofWessex · 13/05/2025 15:22

Is it social housing, in which case a complaint to the landlords?

MotherOfRatios · 13/05/2025 15:24

The first step is your pcc if you're in a mayoral area you may have a deputy mayor for policing and crime, it's MOPAC for London and they have teams who review the cases. That's your first step.

Sorry to hear this OP!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/05/2025 15:30

That is horrendous.
I'm so sorry that you went through the trauma of the lunatic, as usual there is little consequences for the offender.

I don't blame you being fearful when you are dealing with violent thugs.

Keep calling the police if anything happens, one thing I know is, thugs don't like police hassling them, even if the court system fails to punish them adequately.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 13/05/2025 15:34

koolkatxx · 13/05/2025 13:29

I contacted both the Sun and BBC and heard nothing back unfortunately!!!

Try The Guardian or The Mirror or a London paper if you're in London, etc

Well done on taking action, he can't be allowed to get away with his racist behaviour x

koolkatxx · 13/05/2025 15:43

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 13/05/2025 15:34

Try The Guardian or The Mirror or a London paper if you're in London, etc

Well done on taking action, he can't be allowed to get away with his racist behaviour x

Thank you- I will try that!!

OP posts:
Feetinthegrass · 13/05/2025 15:59

I am wondering how you managed to video him, and take photos whilst running? And also shouting back at him?

Feetinthegrass · 13/05/2025 16:01

And if you are scared because he lives so close why would you even think to put this in a national newspaper therefore making yourself a target? I would urge you to take steps with the police if you are concerned as he obviously lives very very very close, as you got to your door so quickly.