Too sensitive or just naive

[Bumper987]

Every time I put a post on here it doesn’t matter the topic or the stance there is always someone who just seems to want to say something unkind. Is it really me being too sensitive or is it just naivety thinking that I can come and ask for advice from a bunch of strangers and that they will all be kind. I really thought the purpose of mumsnet was to be a supportive community, am I wrong? It sometimes seems like it’s just a punching ground for people to let out their misdirected anger.

Posting in aibu is always going to bring out the argumentative twats. It's their sport. There are alot of boards on here where you can get really good advice and that community feel you're after. Just stay away from aibu

You started a thread about a ‘friendship triangle’ at kindergarten in which you were the one being remarkably rude to posters who were being brisk, but helpful.

Naivety. There are some horrible people on here. For most of them there is no way they would say these things in real life, only from the safety behind their screen.

Ah. OP expects everyone to be kind to her while being very unkind herself? Doesn't work that way.

OP MN is not a "safe space". It's not meant to be an echo chamber where you get unwavering support no matter how unreasonable you are. You'll be told the truth. If you don't want people's opinions, best not ask for them.

If you come for advice you will, inevitably, get some you don't agree with or want.

I agree there are some who are deliberately rude but that's because as @SpunkySquid says you can type what you like from the safety of your sofa!

I was asking for advice and you called me exhausting and told me to be an adult and not be so precious. I would love for you to share what I said that was rude except for that “I expect people to be kind”, which seems to have irked you.

I was asking for advice and was called (by the poster who said that) exhausting and told me to be an adult and not be so precious. I would love for them to share what I said that was rude except for that “I expect people to be kind”, which seems to have irked him. Please check the thread yourself.

OP if you are post-partum and upset I'd suggest getting off the internet and/or hiding these threads. You have the answer to the question you asked in the other thread. You will probably just get more worked up if you continue.

Disagreeing with someone isn’t being unkind.
Then if you keep persisting with your point when someone has told you they don’t agree, that is exhausting, and likewise it’s not unkind to say so.
Your expectations are off, and you are being overly sensitive.

I saw your other thread and nobody was rude to you. Direct, yes, but that’s not rudeness. Why do you expect people to treat you with kid gloves and use soft placating language rather than just getting straight to the point? That’s not unkindness. But equally nobody is obliged to be kind to you. You seem far too sensitive to me.

Ok, I've just checked. And I agree with the poster that said you were oversensitive, passive aggressive and rude. You got good advice on your that thread and the post you are referring to came after your rudeness.

Can you quote what I said that was rude for other readers to see please?

You are oversensitive.

If you ask for advice from strangers you will get their unfiltered opinions. Friends in real life will cushion what they say, or agree with you to keep the peace. That’s not going to happen here.

Some posters will stir the pot for the hell of it, some can be rather unkind. But in the main, you get the honest opinions of people who aren’t emotionally invested.

This can be incredibly helpful, or a bit of a wake up call, or even upsetting if you’re someone who can’t accept being told they are wrong.

Sometimes the most helpful thing anyone can do is to tell you to get your head out of your ass.

No. In response to you saying that you ‘expected kindness from adults, on the internet and elsewhere’, I said

Respectfully, I suggest you toughen up and equip your child with the resilience to deal with the fact that not everyone will treat him with unmixed kindness throughout his life. I agree with @MatildaMovesMountains and @beAsensible1 —

two posters who had offered polite, sensible advice about friendship fluctuations being entirely normal among four year olds.

You, on the other hand were pretty rude to posters who had taken the time to comment, and generally offer good advice.

Oh my god I am so fed up of this "be kind" bullshit that gets thrown out every time someone asks for an opinion and then gets opinions they don't like 🙄

Thanks for trying to help, but your approach is a bit too direct for me. I am quite sensitive when it comes to my kids and it doesn’t feel like you’re coming from a friendly place. Perhaps it’s best if o wait for others to respond and perhaps you can find other posts to comment on..

And that was only the first of your rude responses.

In general the people who come on here complaining that they’re being badly treated/piled on and wailing about “be kind” are the posters who have asked a question and not been given the answer they wanted.

There are absolutely posts where posters have piled on an OP for what can sometimes be trivial reasons, yours was most definitely not one of them. In fact the rudest person on that thread was you.

Having read your other thread, I fully agree with this.

“Be kind” = middle class for STFU

I think if you post on a public forum, people will always weigh in with their opinions and you won't always like the responses. Some people are direct and even rude but that is the nature of a public forum. Not everyone you speak to irl are polite and kind either. I would suggest that you toughen up, ignore the comments that are unhelpful, take note of the good advice and move on with your life. Getting into exchanges with people who disagree with you is a pointless waste of time frankly.

Getting into exchanges with people who disagree with you is a pointless waste of time frankly.

Not to mention making you look like a tit!
(Generic you, not specific)

You basically told another poster to shut up and fuck off.

Sometimes I can almost imagine people queueing at AIBU with bows and arrows at the ready.😂Don't view MN as a 'safe space' OP: it isn't.

I often think that rightly or wrongly, there can be a pile on because the words written on the screen are taken with no context. So if a friend says something a bit silly, we give her the benefit of the doubt - we know she's struggling with her MH or she's stressed about work or perhaps that she's triggered by x or y. Or, soetimes if someone says these things in real life, people might be thinking ,"bloody hell, that's ridiculous" but they're too polite to say it out loud.

But when it's just written on the screen, we just see that with none of the context AND none of the need to not say what we're actually thinking.

And for people who are likely to have all kinds of batshit responses that in real life people have politely not mentioned, that can be a huge shock and seem like everyone has been rude. The same people will often turn out not to have a lot of friends or to struggle with friendships, most likely because while people dont' challenge them in real life, they CAN choose not to hang out.

What is your aim with this thread, OP? Is it just to chastise a bunch of strangers?

Thanks for trying to help, but your approach is a bit too direct for me. I am quite sensitive when it comes to my kids and it doesn’t feel like you’re coming from a friendly place. Perhaps it’s best if o wait for others to respond and perhaps you can find other posts to comment on..

This thread may get classed as a TAAT at this rate, but this quote from above suggests you only want very soothing replies which is unrealistic and ultimately won't help you solve your problems.