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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not do this for best friend?

28 replies

IdontknowKev · 13/05/2025 06:31

For a bit of background, we have been friends since pre school, through school, into adult hood, marriage, kids etc.. we class ourselves more as family really, our parents are friendly, children love each other, been on lots of holidays together and so on. You get the idea, we're really close.

BFs husband is an accountant and he started up his own business not long ago but is struggling to find clients as it's a small area and there are actually a few other accountancy firms in the local area who already have most of the local business.

I actually own a business myself which has been doing really well in the last 5 years or so.

Friend has asked me recently if I will take on her husband as my accountant to help with his portfolio.

The thing is... while I don't have any doubt in BFs husbands capabilities and he's a good guy who I really want to see succeed, we already have an accountant. She works at a one of the local firms and she is very very good. She knows my business inside out, is so helpful and knowledgeable and has just been a godsend throughout.

She isn't self employed like BFs husband, she works for a firm who already control a large portion of the local business so it's not a sense of loyalty in that she'd be out of pocket or seriously miss the business but more because I just think she's great and I trust her a lot.

I've said no and I think BF is a bit upset that I won't "help out". I know she's stressed right now though too.

AIBU to not give her husband the business because I'm already happy with the lady we use?

OP posts:

Evaka · 13/05/2025 06:39

Don't budge an inch on this. It would be a bad idea even if you were looking for a new accountant. Let her be a bit arsey about it, I'd imagine she'll be embarrassed eventually when she realises it's not an appropriate suggestion.

Perhaps your friend's husband can look beyond the immediate local area for clients too, or perhaps set himself up with a niche industry focus to build a client base? Could you offer to do a LinkedIn recommendation or similar for him?

Toomanydogwalks · 13/05/2025 06:40

Never do business with friends. I’d not change accountant.

HelplessSoul · 13/05/2025 06:40

You did right to decline. Never mix business and friendships.

You arent responsible for his struggling business. Thats his fucking problem to deal with.

Sooner your idiot friend grasps that concept, the better.

LauritaEvita · 13/05/2025 06:43

Your friend is being unreasonable to ask you. It would never happen in reverse- if you were the struggling accountant, her husband wouldn’t inconvenience himself to take you on. Stay with the one you’re happy with and let her sulk. She’ll soon get over it and hopefully realise she should never have asked.

Nina1013 · 13/05/2025 07:27

You’re absolutely not unreasonable.

It is strange that he is struggling - has he set up as self employed and is completely newly qualified or something?

Eenameenadeeka · 13/05/2025 07:29

I think it would be awkward to have him as your accountant even if you weren't already really happy with the one you have. Yanbu.

TheSandgroper · 13/05/2025 08:21

You said it yourself. “Dear bf. My accountant has been a godsend to me for over the years. Sorry. Not moving unless and until I have a good reason to. If anyone asks me for an accountant contact, I’ll be sure to provide his name.”

HoskinsChoice · 13/05/2025 08:28

Definitely don't do it. I've been in the same position, I was really honest and just said that my accounts felt too personal to share with friends. I'd be really uncomfortable with friends knowing exactly how much I did or didn't earn.

Anahg · 13/05/2025 08:29

Stick with your current accountant. Simple as that really. Friendship doesn’t extend to this. Draw a clear, firm line on it and don’t invite any further discussion.

nomas · 13/05/2025 08:32

YANBU. Never mix business with friendship.

DisforDarkChocolate · 13/05/2025 08:33

I'm keeping my current accountant even though I've moved. I trust her and she understands my small business, she's also neutral. I wouldn't swap that for a friend's husband who decided to set up a new business in an area without much demand.

Noshadelamp · 13/05/2025 08:36

I wouldn't want my bf's DH having access to my finances, that's overstepping a boundary imo.

It's unfair of your friend to ask. Her husband needs to find his own business or it's not a viable venture.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 13/05/2025 08:40

Don’t move. I would also be unsure of an accountant who didn’t research his target client area (that sounds like it is fully stocked with accountants) before setting up his business.

BMW6 · 13/05/2025 08:46

Never ever mix business and personal relationships. She should understand this and grow up!

Say you did swap over to him and he makes a mistake or is incompetent - can you imagine how awkward it would be?

BMW6 · 13/05/2025 08:47

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 13/05/2025 08:40

Don’t move. I would also be unsure of an accountant who didn’t research his target client area (that sounds like it is fully stocked with accountants) before setting up his business.

Excellent point..........not an endorsement of his business skill......

Ellie1015 · 13/05/2025 08:48

Friend fine to ask, yanbu to say no thanks. Any awkwardness will pass.

Goditsmemargaret · 13/05/2025 08:52

No way. It's good you're already in business and have an accountant who is working well for you as otherwise it would be a tricky conversation. Be very very firm "it took time to find the right accountant and build up the working relationship we have. Sorry but I am sticking with her."

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 13/05/2025 09:00

YANBU- as others have said you don’t mix business with pleasure and she should never have asked you. Ive no doubt if you had said yes and once they knew your earnings there would be resentment and asking for a loan…. You did right to say no it’s not your problem unfortunately

Kipperandarthur · 13/05/2025 09:24

I run my own business and I find my own accountant that I have had for years invaluable.

I would certainly not do as she is asking under any circumstances.

Never mix business with pleasure.
You are extremely happy with your current arrangements.
It's not your responsibility to find clients for your friend's husband's new business.

I would absolutely want my company finances to remain as private as they can be, accepting that accounts are filed at Companies House etc.

TooGoodToGoto · 13/05/2025 09:32

Absolutely you are right, do not blur lines!

Kipperandarthur · 13/05/2025 09:33

It may well be that the husband will have to rethink his plans if he can't develop his own client base, and will need to return to a salaried position within a firm.

If you are in a small local area that is already covered by a number of accountancy firms to serve the local business community then the market may not have room for an additional newbie on the block.

To break away and set up his own business, friend's husband should have done all the preliminary work of looking at the market and whether it had room for his own venture - ideally starting from the get go with a handful of potential clients. But this does not mean pressurising friends.

Financial affairs are so personal and building up a good working relationship with any accountant takes time. Once a trusted relationship is established people tend to stay put unless fees increase significantly.

Tbrh · 13/05/2025 09:43

I personally wouldn't, mixing friends/family and business and all that

LoveWine123 · 13/05/2025 09:43

Don’t do business with friends. They have already made you feel uncomfortable and you haven’t even started a business relationship. Imagine if you do…

PestoPasto · 13/05/2025 09:49

Absolutely not! Even if you were looking for an accountant I wouldn’t want him to be that close to my finances. Recipe for disaster imo. As PP said they have already made you feel uncomfortable about this, so they obviously don’t care about pushing your boundaries.

I’d be tempted to make up a lie and say you’ve had a look and you signed a 12 month contract with the company she works for so can’t change anyway, just to get her off your back.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 13/05/2025 09:53

I have recently had to watch a decades long friendship implode due to them mixing employment and friendship. It has been horrible watching it all unravel, both of them being upset and having to tread carefully as they each want me to take their side.

for the the sake of yourself, your friend and any mutual friends you might have, DON'T DO IT.

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