To stop my son from presenting as Jewish at school

[Wonderberry]

I really wish this wasn't the case.

My son wants to wear his kippah (skullcap) at school. This is entirely his choice, and something that he has chosen to start wearing recently. He just wants to express his religious and cultural background.

Unfortunately, I don't feel like he would be safe to do so. I hate that this is where we are at currently in the UK, but I know it is the reality. He goes to a community school in London, and doesn't understand why he cannot wear his kippah at school. On cultural days, he also cannot share his culture either.

Couldn't you send him to a Jewish school?

I think historically this has almost always been the case. I think the right question would be "why did we stay in this terrible position?"
I think we'll still be shocked and asking the same question in 2100

I think you let him - young children learn tolerance much more quickly than older kids and start off with setting the example that he should be proud. I think you’ll regret it if you don’t especially as he may one day not be as keen to wear his kippah

Thanks for clarifying your son's age, OP. At 7, he is clearly far too little to comprehend any risks, so I think you're absolutely right to take whatever steps you need to take in order to keep him safe. I am, however, incredibly sorry that you feel you need to do this. He should be able to wear his kippah with pride, and the idea a little kid could be put at risk simply for wearing a harmless item of religious attire is utterly abhorrent.

I'm sorry, too, that this thread has descended into a discussion about Israel. It shouldn't have done, but the fact that it did is illustrative of the problems that you're highlighting.

I'm some distance from the nearest Jewish school. He goes to the nearest community school.

Ooh interesting perspective. I immediately thought the opposite- that he is too young. But I can see the argument about children being more tolerant.

I'm going to come clean. I mentioned earlier about 'my friend' being Jewish and her experiences. Its me actually. I am Jewish. See... I found it scary to admit being Jewish anonymously on a thread. I wonder what that says. I can't participate properly in the thread and say some of the things I want to say about my experiences without saying that.

@Wonderberry - I remember you from the other thread about this and think unfortunately you already know the answer.

I very much take the point that if we keep hiding, nothing will ever change and it's why I did encourage my children to present about Chanukah and talk about Sukkot and whatnot in school - but it's very different to being out in the wider world. So basically as he's so little it would be you who take ownership of this and you who will need to be ready for whatever comes. I'd hate to think anyone would do or say something to a young child (no one has said a word to my 8 yar old son), but it's a strange world out there right now so it's also not impossible.

At 7 years old I would be interested in asking him why he wants to wear his kippah to school? I wonder if something has happened there which has made him feel this way (not necessarily negative eg in a religious studies lesson and he wants to show the teacher)

I would also think about asking why this particular mitzvah. Say its great that he wants to take steps to do more mitzvot (these are commandments in the Torah for those unfamiliar with this term) And then gently suggest some others he could do instead - maybe inside the home? Or even suggest tzittzit that are worn under clothes?

I would also not feel comfortable with what he has suggested and think he is too young to really understand. Its wrong but this is the reality we live with today.

Anti-sionism? People don't even know what it means.
From Webster: an international effort working in the beginning for a Jewish homeland and later for the support of Israel

There IS already a state of Israel and it will not be removed, just like you can not remove any other country. This term is irrelevant, but I've seen many calling Jews sionists and it's just an insult at this point.

This is heartbreaking

I will also say that I never tell anyone I am Jewish. We have a very small Jewish community where I live and I attend social events with them every second week as well as the various holy days. My closest friend of 20 years has no idea I am Jewish. She knows that I don't go dog walking with her every second Thursday but not why.

I was brought up my parents whose grandparents fled the pogroms in Russia. We were taught to 'never tell'. We NEVER identify our religion on any census ever. I would say my 2 boys are the only Jewish kids in the school (600) but truth is I have no idea. My older one is 14 and has learning difficulties and when he learned that no, somehow we can't just not be ethnically Jewish he has nightmares that someone will find out and we are in danger.

My parents live in Australia. From the 'never tell' my father is now defiant and wearing his kippah. He has been spat at. He has been refused service in cafes. He walked into a dentist appointment and the dentist walked out and said she would not treat him.

This is so sad. Good luck to your boy whatever you decide and I hope he’s made to feel safe and that his culture is valued in the UK in the future that this isn’t an issue.

I never mentioned Gaza.

I'd say give it a go, if he really wants to, and has brought that up himself.

Have a bit of a chat first with him, about racism generally, and what some others might face (eg the girls at his school who wear hijabs), and ask how he'd react if someone said something mean/ treated him differently because of his kippah.
Pre-warn the school that he's going to be wearing it, and offer to come in to give his class a talk/ do an assembly about why Jewish boys and men wear them, which should hopefully help with people asking him questions. He should definitely be sharing his culture and history on culture days, the same as everyone else.
As he gets older, it may get more difficult as children in his class and friendship groups become more aware of world events, and the impact religion plays in world conflicts, but at nearly 7, the extent of his friends understanding will probably be what they experience, which will probably turn into 'Tom wears a kippah because... His family have a special dinner on fridays and say a prayer... They have special bread I got to try on culture day', in very much the same way that lot of children's understanding of Islam is 'Salma wears a headscarf because Muslims cover their heads... Muhammad doesn't eat during the day during Ramadan and on Eid it's a big party, then he brings special food to school that we get to try when we have our party.... Hafsa can't have hot dogs because Muslim's don't eat pork'

Realistically, school is a reasonably controlled environment, with more rules and supervision and accountability than being 'out and about' generally, so they should be able to nip any racism from other pupils in the bud, the same as for any other racism. If you don't feel comfortable with him being out and about with it on, he could wear another hat over it to go to and from school.
If wearing a kippah is something he's generally interested in, and may choose to do more in the future, a primary school is probably a great place for him to test the waters, and get used to wearing it.

Now now don’t tell porkies. Just because your comment was deleted it doesn’t mean we don’t remember

Because there are many staff members of the NHS in uniform on the marches chanting & carrying anti semitic slogans. Also wearing inappropriate political badges supporting UK government proscribed terrorist organisations. There are also many posts on social media by NHS doctors & nurses supporting Hamas, jihad & the death of Jews.

In a medical situation, where as a patient you are already vulnerable, as a Jew in Britain today you can't risk your personal safety. What sort of message am I giving my 14 year old about our country?

I love the suggestions of “Send him to a Jewish school” - as if they’re ten a penny! There’s a few local-ish to me but then none for a good 3 hour drive

What comment was deleted?

Just seen it. I'm shocked, mumsnet hq should be ashamed of itself. Not once did I mention Gaza or excuse antisemitism.

Why should she have to? Is there no diversity in schools? Or are you suggesting that if a Jewish mother is afraid of her son being targeted because he wears a small round thing on his head, she should send him to a faith school?

I am so sorry you have even have to consider this.

It's amazing that he's proud of his background, culture, and religion and wants to openly celebrate it - and he absolutely should be able to. Sadly, I can understand why you aren't comfortable with that for his safety.

I have no advice - but I hope you can find a compromise that allows him to be proud and remain safe at the same time.

What a world, eh?

What the fuck?

Didn't realise we lived in 1930s Germany where kids of certain religions and cultures had to be segregated.

Wow.

I am so, so sorry that you and your family have these experiences in the UK

That the rising antisemitism is linked to Gaza. When challenged on it you haven’t clarified what you meant

You did mention Gaza.