To stop my son from presenting as Jewish at school

nocoolnamesleft · 13/05/2025 00:54

I am so sorry. That is heartbreakingly sad. What is happening to our country?

Dangermoo · 13/05/2025 00:57

Well given the Batley school incident, as one of many acts of intolerance, through intimidation, I think you're right to be concerned.

Anon2536474 · 13/05/2025 00:57

You are the adult so you decide.

You can say that when he is an adult he can make that choice. But until then you have a duty to keep him safe and if it’s something you genuinely think is too unsafe then the short answer is no - the long answer someone else can hopefully help you with.

I am sorry 😢 very sad.

caringcarer · 13/05/2025 01:13

I am so sorry you feel you have to hide your son's culture from visible sight. How have we got to this terrible position?

rivalsbinge · 13/05/2025 01:19

Can I ask why do you need to hide his culture when so many other cultures exist in the UK? Is there a specific incident that’s happened? Sorry to maybe be asking a stupid question but I’d like to learn.

JandamiHash · 13/05/2025 01:20

Oh OP, I’m so sorry you’ve been made to feel this way - I think it’s amazing he’s proud of his Jewish heritage but given the rise in antisemitism and the very real threats posed to every day Jewish people, I don’t blame you. Recent surveys have shown Jewish people are increasingly hiding their Jewishness due to fear of attacks. It’s a tough one. Could you maybe let him try it and see how it goes? How about asking the school to do a lesson on it beforehand? I’m not Jewish, I was raised Catholic (something I have renounced), but I am a Jewish ally and requested with another mum friend at my DS’s school(who is Jewish) celebrated a Jewish holiday last year (they were distinctly lacking in this but celebrated other religions) and they were great, really embraced it and even made traditional Jewish food for the dinner that day as part of the schools meals - something my son still talks about!

Original poster

Wonderberry · 13/05/2025 01:24

rivalsbinge · 13/05/2025 01:19

Can I ask why do you need to hide his culture when so many other cultures exist in the UK? Is there a specific incident that’s happened? Sorry to maybe be asking a stupid question but I’d like to learn.

We live in a very diverse area. Unfortunately, Anti-Semitism has increased massively since October 7th, and there are incidents that we have personally witnessed/experienced as a family. I am also aware of incidents in the wider community.

OP posts:

NeverEndingSnorey · 13/05/2025 01:26

This is heartbreaking.

We are not Jewish, but have a Baltic surname that is often mistaken for being Jewish. My son has been called names and bullied for a being “a Jew”. School did sort it, but I feel it was more a “they aren’t Jewish” that stopped it rather the kids learning antisemitism is wrong

jazzybelle · 13/05/2025 01:27

I have a friend who is Jewish. She hasn't worn any of her many Star of David necklaces for years. She doesn't feel safe to do so. You are quite right to feel worried. You must do anything to protect your son. It is an appalling situation.

BeEagerEagle · 13/05/2025 01:27

I would speak to the school and see if they can throw any light on the current situation and advise you. Maybe an assembly to remind kids to be respectful to kids of other cultures is needed. Muslim girls are allowed to wear their headscarves, he should be allowed to wear his hat.

BeEagerEagle · 13/05/2025 01:27

I would speak to the school and see if they can throw any light on the current situation and advise you. Maybe an assembly to remind kids to be respectful to kids of other cultures is needed. Muslim girls are allowed to wear their headscarves, he should be allowed to wear his hat.

Fantailsflitting · 13/05/2025 01:31

I think you have to talk to him. As awful as anti-Semitism is, it's unkind and dangerous not to teach him how to protect himself and understand the risks. Surely he must be aware of the present climate and the horrors of the past for Jewish people? I feel so dreadfully sorry for you and other Jewish people who must feel so threatened.

JHound · 13/05/2025 01:51

I am so sorry this is a concern for you. Is it the school you are worried about or the journey to school? I had an ex overseas who, when attending a wedding would carry his kippah with him rather than wearing it on the metro. Is he very young? Maybe explain your concerns but if he feels comfortable to do so and wishes to do so then maybe let him?

MsAmerica · 13/05/2025 02:09

Wonderberry · 13/05/2025 00:52

I really wish this wasn't the case.

My son wants to wear his kippah (skullcap) at school. This is entirely his choice, and something that he has chosen to start wearing recently. He just wants to express his religious and cultural background.

Unfortunately, I don't feel like he would be safe to do so. I hate that this is where we are at currently in the UK, but I know it is the reality. He goes to a community school in London, and doesn't understand why he cannot wear his kippah at school. On cultural days, he also cannot share his culture either.

How odd that you don't include his age, which seems crucial. Anyway, I'm confused. It sounds as if the school won't permit it (and I'm guessing that if that's the case, they also don't permit Muslim headscarves), so I don't know why you're fussing about it, if it's a non-issue. It's relatively simple to explain that schools like standardized dress, sometimes even uniforms, and don't like the distractions of things that are religious, sexual, etc. He's also presumably old enough to understand that sometimes it's unwise to wear things that may lead to him being picked on or bullied - even particular sports insignia.

user1492757084 · 13/05/2025 02:12

That is very sad, Op. Safety is important. Hopefully things will change back and tolerance will prevail soon.

Anuta77 · 13/05/2025 02:13

MsAmerica · 13/05/2025 02:09

How odd that you don't include his age, which seems crucial. Anyway, I'm confused. It sounds as if the school won't permit it (and I'm guessing that if that's the case, they also don't permit Muslim headscarves), so I don't know why you're fussing about it, if it's a non-issue. It's relatively simple to explain that schools like standardized dress, sometimes even uniforms, and don't like the distractions of things that are religious, sexual, etc. He's also presumably old enough to understand that sometimes it's unwise to wear things that may lead to him being picked on or bullied - even particular sports insignia.

Show quote history

I don't know why you are confused when the OP didn't mention that her son is going against the dress code. She clearly mentionned the security issues. It doesn't matter how old he is. He could be 17 for all it matters which could be just as unsafe as if he were younger.

Fantailsflitting · 13/05/2025 02:14

@MsAmerica It sounds as if the OP is worried her son will be attacked if he is wearing something distinctly Jewish when on the way to school or at school itself rather than whether the school allows Muslin headscarves. I don't think this is the same thing that equates with football supporters' colours.

Anuta77 · 13/05/2025 02:18

I am of Jewish background too (not in the UK) and while we don't wear anything that identifies us, I absolutely understand you. As a child I had to deal with some form of antisemitism and I myself didnt feel like offering information about my background and was cringing when my last name was called out because it was so obvious.
I would explain to your son why you don't think it's a good idea, it's great that he's so courageous and proud, but safety first. He can be proud of his culture, but it's not always necessary to expose it if it's not safe.
All the best

Dangermoo · 13/05/2025 02:19

Going by a couple of comments, it seems some are still woefully ignorant about the extent of antisemitism.

Liug · 13/05/2025 02:20

I wouldn’t let him, and I hate that I’m saying that.
id be worried about him being attacked either at school or on the way to it. The amount of hatred at the minute is off the charts, dh has had some “interesting” encounters and id hate for a child to go through some of them.

Fraaances · 13/05/2025 02:25

I would hate to be in your position. I am certain I would choose my child’s safety over their religious expression at this time, but I waiver between being agnostic and atheist and I wouldn’t want to minimize the importance of your son’s spiritual or national identity.

AgingLikeGazpacho · 13/05/2025 02:31

Unfortunately I don't think you are being unreasonable in this current political climate. However if he is insistent on wearing his kippah at school maybe you could encourage him to wear a hat over it on the walk to/from school and maybe advise him on what to do if he encounters an unsafe situation.

I can't believe how quickly tolerance has deteriorated - the rise of antisemitism has been utterly repugnant. It's a hard situation for you to balance your son's safety whilst ensuring he isn't ashamed of his heritage.

DreamTheMoors · 13/05/2025 02:37

It’s May.
This is surely the saddest thing I’ve read on any social media platform anywhere in 2025.
We’re falling apart.
I’m so very sorry, OP.
Do whatever you have to do - go to any lengths you have to - to protect your son.
And I think that’s surely the saddest thing I’ve typed.
Sending love. ❤️

GildedRage · 13/05/2025 02:37

how old is your son?
i would think primary would be fine, i would hold off unless he's confident and has a nice circle of friends for the first 2 years of secondary and certainly by the end of his years at secondary i would let him choose.

Langdale3 · 13/05/2025 02:46

Sadly, I would probably try to dissuade him from wearing it for his safety. antisemitism has always been around, but it has been a lot worse since Oct 7. I would explain that it is important to be proud of his heritage, but also to explain in an age appropriate way what the current risks might be. I hate what the UK has become 😔