To not go to a wedding if husband is not invited

[Anuta77]

My ex sister in law (separated from her brother 12 years ago, but kept in contact because we used to have a good relationship and for my son).
My ex, her brother, has been married for a few years and even had another child. He's not really involved with my son, so no loyalty issue there.
The ex SIL met my husband a few times and I never noticed any issues between them.
Today she sends me an invitation for her son's wedding (my husband even translated some documents for them) and asked to confirm my presence with my son. I'm sure it's a small event. No mention of my husband.

How do I handle that? Is that normal? Should I just assume that my husband is invited? I'm sure my husband will not care much, but I can't help but think that it's not ok. AIBU?

P.S. We are not from the UK and ex SIL is latin.

I'm sure tons of people will have fabulous days without someone like you who feels the need to be rude with strangers.

But @Anuta77 you are expecting an invite for someone who to the bride and groom is a virtual stranger and then being rude to those who point it out?

Yes, I'm from North America and here it's obvious what latin means. I only added that for context, because maybe the etiquette in the UK is different, so relax.

You say the invitation is from your SIL for her sons wedding? So the bride and groom have invited you through mother of the groom to what they hope to be a small wedding. In that case, I suspect they told SIL she had a limited number of people she could bring, like 8 guests only and she had to choose within that limit. I think its nice of the bridal couple to allow this and generous of your SIL to ask you and your DC. It's not conventional but I do understand. I think go and enjoy it.

I knew exactly what you meant when you said Latin, I assumed you were from USA and I think most people know this is a common term used there, not usual in UK.

You and your child are invited. That's fine. Go or don't. It's up to you

My ex lives in another country and my exSIL is not that close to him, she actually judges him for not being there for my son. He's pretty irrelevant in this case.
That's why maybe people don't understand my situation. My husband has been with me for over 10 years and my exSIL has interacted with him when I invited her a few times.

The groom has known me since childhood and his uncle lives in another country, so he actually has interacted with me more than with his uncle...But I get that it's for my son and the plus one thing.

Right, I didn't think about this particularity in the UK.
I know that the bride is from Seychelles and has a large family. Their daughter's 1 year old birthday was a large event with tons of people. Same for her baby shower, many men were invited. So I imagine that the wedding would be similar, but who knows.

No, I understood the point of view that I'm just the plus one, but I don't see the need to be rude to me for asking the question.

Tbh it’s a bit bizarre you don’t understand why DH isn’t invited.
I’m assuming it’s faux confusion at this point.

If you’re from the US and the wedding is between a Latino (?) South American and Phillipino couple, why are you asking on a UK centric site? Reddit would have been more understanding of these countries I think.

And why are you being rude to Mumsnetters who are giving their (non rude) opinion to you which you explicitly asked for?

The problem is that you keep ignoring the people pointing out that in fact you are NOT invited. Your DS is invited and you are therefore invited as it would be difficlt/inappropriate for him to go without you.

Overall, yes, I'd agree normally that you'd expect a DH to be invited. But that's if YOU were invited. And really, you're not.

Put it this way, if you said that your DS wasn't coming but you were, I suspect they would not find that great.

It's a wedding on your son's dad's side of the family. They want your son there, he's family. You are included to supervise him and as his mom. No, your current husband is not a part of their family and to expect him to be invited is not a reasonable expectation on your part.

In our culture we would never leave out the spouse, but I would still happily go to this wedding, maybe numbers are tight and she is just having people she feels close to. How old is your son?

I would definitely not go if my DH was left out, in fact this has happened to us.
If my DH isn’t welcome I’m not going either.

He's 17, but the transportation is difficult as it's in another town.

Why is it poor form though? Weddings are expensive and some have a limited capacity. What if you work with someone and they are a good friend but you have not met their husband/wife? Or only met them a small amount of times? Why should they be automatically invited. If I had a limited capacity venue I would be inviting the people I want there and not someone just because they are a guests spouse. What about people who are not married but are in relationships? I find it odd when people say they weren’t attend an event if their spouse wasn’t invited, like can you not go to places on your own?

I genuinely wouldn’t think anything of it and just accept or not as suited me. I certainly wouldn’t ask for several more invitations though!

YABU.

She has invited you and your son because she knows you and has a connection to you.

Do you not realise how much it costs per head to invite someone to your wedding. That’s without even bringing in the consideration of having the room to seat these extra people. Sometimes it’s just not possible.

Either go and leave your second child with your husband or don’t go at all. But don’t ask if your DH and second child to come. If they were invited it would say so on the invitation.

Depends how long the relationship has lasted. If they’ve been together over a year and/or live together I’d invite them.

Marriage is a very serious, lifelong commitment which deserves respect. There is no way at our wedding we would not invited married relatives or friends, completely out of the question. We don’t know anyone who would, certainly not day guests. Possibly more casual evening guests who could attend as a group.

People can invite who they like, but cannot of course force others to agree with them completely disregarding years of customs which showed respect for both marriage and quite frankly good manners. Invitees are always free to decline, we would, and others can’t force their views on us.

So playing devils advocate here, say you only have room for two more guests at your wedding. Both couples are your friend you like them both equally in terms of friendship.
Couple 1- married 1 year
Couple 2- unmarried but together 26 years. Who do you invite?

Definitely slightly blow the budget and invite both 😂 that would be a really tough one to choose between! 😂

Neither - order an extra bottle of champers instead and neck it yourself.

At 17 I'd left home, so I'm pretty sure he can manage by himself through one wedding day with his family. It sounds like you would find it possible to get there as you hadn't raised this as a concern before. If trains and buses don't exist in your area then you could just drop him off and pick him up, or give him taxi money?

The married couple as the other couple obviously don't believe in marriage so no point in inviting