To not go to a wedding if husband is not invited

[Anuta77]

My ex sister in law (separated from her brother 12 years ago, but kept in contact because we used to have a good relationship and for my son).
My ex, her brother, has been married for a few years and even had another child. He's not really involved with my son, so no loyalty issue there.
The ex SIL met my husband a few times and I never noticed any issues between them.
Today she sends me an invitation for her son's wedding (my husband even translated some documents for them) and asked to confirm my presence with my son. I'm sure it's a small event. No mention of my husband.

How do I handle that? Is that normal? Should I just assume that my husband is invited? I'm sure my husband will not care much, but I can't help but think that it's not ok. AIBU?

P.S. We are not from the UK and ex SIL is latin.

Yes. Why would your other kids be invited when they have no relationship with the bride and groom?

Honestly I would just go. It sounds like you've been invited to facilitate your son's attendance and it would be nice to be supportive of that.

Go of you want to go. If it is awkward to go on your own then dont.

I would try to go for sake of my son and relationship with that side of the family.

Also your post about other kids sounds like your dh and your other children would also need an invite? If so I can see how this is not appropriate at a small wedding.

so you expect an invite for four or more people?
at what you acknowledge is a small wedding.
Don't go, I'm sure the bride will have a fabulous day without you.

Weeding are complicated. Expensive and often limited numbers and politics. Think of yourself as your sons plus one.

Usually not inviting someone’s partner would be rude. When the wedding is hosted by your ex husband’s family, I feel it’s understandable.

Also, this is not your SIL’s wedding, it’s her son’s and it doesn’t sound like you’re close to him. So think of it as you being the +1 and your son being the actual invitee. A +1 doesn’t get their own guest on top.

It's not especially normal, but then neither is inviting your cousin's mother /uncle's ex-wife. You've been invited so that your son can go. Your his plus one, effectively. You're not really a guest in your own right.

Are you American? I find it a bit hilarious saying your xSIL is Latin. Latin from where? 33 countries in Latinamerica? France? Spain? Portugal? Italy?

Aside this, you have two common sense choices. Ask her directly if your husband is invited, or kindly refuse the invitation if you don't want to ask her.

Are you and your husband close to your child's cousin and his fiancée? Do you spend a lot of time together?
No?
Well there you go. You're there because if they just invited your child it would be weird.

I'm really surprised that people think that not inviting someone's partner is a normal thing.

Really? When you’re the ex-wife of the groom’s uncle, and have clearly only been invited in order to bring your son? You think your husband and your other child, completely unrelated to the groom, being invited would be a “normal thing”?

I'm sure my husband will not care much, but I can't help but think that it's not ok.

Will he just “not care that much”? Because honestly, I think most men would struggle to think of something less enjoyable than attending the wedding of someone he doesn’t know from a bar of soap alongside his wife’s first husband. It’s bizarre to me that you’d expect or even want him to be invited. I certainly can’t believe for a minute he’d want to go.

The part that is not normal is for the groom to invite his uncle’s ex-wife to his wedding. Let alone his uncle’s ex-wife’s new husband!

As others have said, it’s your son who’s been invited as the groom’s cousin. If your DS’s father was still in the picture I expect he would have been the adult accompanying your DS and you wouldn’t have had an invite at all.

In this case YABU.

In this case it is the normal thing to do. Your ex sister in law probably feels it's not right to invite your new husband when her brother (your ex) could be there

It's not like she's just a friend. She has close connections to your ex. I'm really surprised that you think he should be invited in this situation.

However, in this case it may be because of her being so closely related to you ex-husband.

Really? You think that may be the reason? 😆

The invite is for your son, the groom’s cousin, and you are effectively his plus one. It’s perfectly fine not to also add on your partner in this scenario, and it’s absurdly reasonable to not also add on your other children who aren’t a part of the groom’s family in any way whatsoever.

Decline the invitation if you and your son wish but the groom and his mother have done absolutely nothing wrong here.

Ern, weddings have guest limits? If everyone invited everyone's partner, there'd be no room left for the rest of their own friends or family. Of course it's normal to not invite partners you don't know, others are more important to them. They're probably squeezing people in. You're being over sensitive... If you wanna offer them the money to book a place that can hold more people, you should do that...

She’s inviting your son, really. You’re just his adult plus one.

Assuming your son is not of an age where he could take a girlfriend/boyfriend as a Plus One, that’s what you are. I doubt your husband cares much tbh.

As others have said, I think it's really your son being invited and you're his "+1 adult".

In answer to the basic question I do think it's generally 'the norm' to invite partners, although having said that I don't share what I see as the Mumsnet view that they must be invited and that people can't possibly go without their partners, which is a view I see often on here.

But this isn't a basic question....context is absolutely everything in this situation!
I agree with other posters that they are really inviting your DS, and I think that's fine and nice. I think it's good and credit to both of you that your 'split' with her was on good terms.

I think you're only getting a hard time about whether your DH can look after his child because you yourself said you'd need to arrange childcare.

If you'd like your son to have a relationship with your ex SIL going forward I'd go, but if you don't want to that is completely fine. I don't think yabu as such because its not really an aibu question.

*the SON of the sister of his wife’s ex partner

I should have mentioned, I do think it's fine for you to skip it if you want to OP. You should arrange with exSIL who will take your son though. It wouldn't be fair for you to keep him from his family based on your convenience.

I think it’s sensible. They want your son there and he clearly can’t get himself back and forth so they kindly extended you an invitation as well. Can’t see why your partner would be there. But you can just say no thank you if it doesn’t work for you

Your son is invited you are your sons plus one as he needs someone with him. There are occasions when it would be strange to not invite your husband but this is not one of them.

But it’s your ex going? Will your ds be ok with seeing him?

I'm guessing it's because your ex would be there and your current partner and that would be a but weird, so that seems fair that he hasn't been invited

I’m not sure how helpful the replies here will be. Wedding etiquette in other countries/cultures is very different from the UK. In fact, in the UK it’s quite common to restrict the guest list to the extent of only inviting some members of the same family.

In other countries invites are more open. For example, in my native country (also Latin) it wouldn’t be unusual for my parents to receive and invitation and for me and my husband to attend instead or with them.

If you don’t want to attend without your DH, can you clarify with SiL or can your DS go on his own?

Who's dictating or assuming anything? I just posted a question. Need to work on your reading comprehension.