Sick of hearing Dh’s ailments the minute he walks through the door

[Fmltimesathousand]

Think i’m getting to that point in life where I’m tired of hearing about everyone else and being expected to mother/look after everyone

I have a 7 year old with some health problems, so lots of Drs appointments, researching, chemist trips. Parents starting to age now and i’m worried about them. I am probably in perimenopause (46) and have some of my own health issues.

Recently, Dh has started to tell me every day one complaint or another..he has a bad back, he’s got a banging headache, he’s so tired…I don’t want to sound mean, but I don’t know what he wants me to do about it.
He walked in again straight after work, whilst i’m trying to make dinner, Dd has been hard work, dog barking and says immediately’I’ve got such a sore throat’ looking at me expectantly. I then sort of shrugged, whilst rushing about taking hot food out of the oven and he stormed off in a mood.

Feel like i’m so sick of hearing about others illnesses/looking after others or being expected to do something about it…what about me?

Am I being a massive bitch?

Just come upstairs to lie down, where no one wants anything from me for half an hour

I totally hear you.
You are not a bitch
I have had similar.

Not a bitch. You sound exhausted.

Does DH ever ask how you're doing?

I don't know why people just can't keep their ailments to themselves when they have so many of them

Feel for ya. When he gets home tomorrow evening tell him about your aches and pains, peri menopause, etc. That might do the trick.

I do understand you - but equally a distracted ‘oh no that’s rubbish have you had a paracetamol’ doesn’t take a lot

DH shut up when I started telling him in detail about my flooding periods.

He wants a fuss made over him and your plate is already overloaded.

What you need is a placebo. Oh, hon, just go take that X (sugar pill or some homeopathic thing).

Yes, start doing it to him. Talk about all your worries.

Has he got health anxiety? DH has and we have a rule that he can only discuss his "worries" with the GP and not me. Because when my Dad was terminally ill with cancer, my tolerance dropped to an all time low when he asked if the cancer was catching. Otherwise make a rule that he can't walk in through the door and dump his woes on you!

Ask him when he thinks you had time to get your Dr degree.. Send him to bed... Then embrace the peace.

When I was a teenager, my Dad had a bad accident at work. He fell 150 ft off a building he was working on and practically broke every bone in his body but thank God he survived.
Obviously he was disabled, but mobile and he just cracked on with life, he must have been in agony some days but not once did I hear my Dad whinge.

It has left me with an intolerance to people complaining about their ailments, I give DH 5 minutes to have a moan, then that's it!

So no Yanbu.

I’m “training” my eldest ds (18) whenever he starts I ask if he’s had paracetamol, his inhaler and lots of fluids, if he says no I say well what do you expect from me if you won’t even help yourself … I know it sounds mean but he IS old enough to take control of basic ailments and I refuse to let him be “a shuffler with the housecoat” adding to anyone’s stress who he may end up with!! If he’s done all that I tell him to take a shower and then go for a lie down and see how he feels later.

He doesn’t, just always seems to be something wrong with him

I hear you.

We are running the gamut of toddler germs, and have been for the past six months. When I have a cold it's just, "ugh, I hate this cold" or sometimes, "I'm really wiped, can I take a break".

My husband does that limping around thing where he tells me he's "soooooo ill", with the latent insinuation that I should be DOING SOMETHING about it. I wouldn't mind if he came out and asked, it's the fainting Victorian maiden act I can't swallow.

I hate the pained face and asking if we’ve got any paracetamol..yes, it’s in the same place it always is, go and look and take some if you have a headache..!

Some men just need to outdo everyone else, even with their flu or their bad back.

I split from my ex years ago but he visited DS while I was undergoing chemo and looking like death warmed up, and he spent 10 minutes trying to tell me how much his leg hurt from having to drive to see ds. 😂🙄

I've developed a 'glaze-over and wander off' tactic, which seems to work.

I used to have a rule with my first husband that the first thing we said to each other through the door had to be something nice - hello love would do. Didn't stop us divorcing but it was a good idea. (I don't need the rule with dp).

I can’t stand people moaning about minor health concerns. Colds in particular.

I can completely relate - those that don’t experience it won’t know how hard it is to muster up sympathy anymore 😂

When this happens to me I tend to reply that I have compassion fatigue right now, sorry.

Oh my sister. I hear you. Every day here is a different whinge about a different part of the body.

I hear you.
Dh and dd both come in from work with some ailment/ issue with work/ worst day ever.
I listen.
Nobody ever asks after me/ my day.

Is it an age thing? I can’t remember him being like this until a few years ago really

My kids do it too. Giving constant status updates does not make a conversation.

In my case its DD also who goes on about her ailments. So not an age thing.

When my husband was terribly ill with a bad back that required surgery in the end (not making something out of nothing) I asked if he would please say hello to me when he came home before telling me how much pain he was in. Made me feel a lot more sympathetic!