Sick of hearing Dh’s ailments the minute he walks through the door

[Fmltimesathousand]

Think i’m getting to that point in life where I’m tired of hearing about everyone else and being expected to mother/look after everyone

I have a 7 year old with some health problems, so lots of Drs appointments, researching, chemist trips. Parents starting to age now and i’m worried about them. I am probably in perimenopause (46) and have some of my own health issues.

Recently, Dh has started to tell me every day one complaint or another..he has a bad back, he’s got a banging headache, he’s so tired…I don’t want to sound mean, but I don’t know what he wants me to do about it.
He walked in again straight after work, whilst i’m trying to make dinner, Dd has been hard work, dog barking and says immediately’I’ve got such a sore throat’ looking at me expectantly. I then sort of shrugged, whilst rushing about taking hot food out of the oven and he stormed off in a mood.

Feel like i’m so sick of hearing about others illnesses/looking after others or being expected to do something about it…what about me?

Am I being a massive bitch?

Just come upstairs to lie down, where no one wants anything from me for half an hour

DH is retired, seems there is more time for him to dwell on issues .It can be draining, one thing after another. Backache, kneeache, headache, feeling tired- that was yesterday..
I remember sitting in a cafe once next to people who talked non stop about health issues for maybe an hour and a half like a competiton.

Have you told him how off-putting this is?

Every time I read threads like this I feel so grateful to be in a relationship where I get sympathy for my ailments (and give it too).

DH frequently has something wrong. I’m not very good with minor ailments. When DS was coming home with the usual nursery ailments he was particularly bad, trouble is , he picked up whooping cough and cracked a rib coughing. DS had been vaccinated. .
since then he’s had Atrial fibrillation, lots of cardioversions and 4 ablations, and prostate cancer, couple of basal cell carcinoma. I can deal with the big stuff but the hay fever, colds sore throats I cannot deal with. That said, he is very sympathetic when I’m poorly and complains I’m a bad patient.

I hate that question, it's passive aggressive weaponised incompetence.
I've started saying "probably" and continue doing what I'm doing.

I know he means "can you get me paracetamol" and I'd rather he asked me that directly!

I really don't disagree with all the previous comments but wanted to add something into into the mix. I am assuming you share the child so presumably you are both similarly concerned? That's a big thing. Such a big thing that it might mean that you don't properly talk about other things? Maybe not express feelings about stuff? Maybe it that's leaking out into "I feel a bit poorly and need a tablet".

But if you are doing everything, he's having an easy time of it out at work and then not pulling his weight at home you have every right to be hacked off. If this is the case I would suggest you tell him he used all the paracetamol and needs to go back out to get some.

He’s not asking if you’ve got paracetamol. He’s asking if you care. Everyone wants to feel a bit of love.

Yes they do

He needs to feel a bit of love but heyd be a bit more lovable if he got his own paracetamol , swallowed it, asked op about her day and when she (obviously) reciprocates says "well I finally sorted that training thing that's been hanging over me for weeks but on the downside I think I've given myself a sore throat, hope you and dcs don't get it". At which point point OP can say "oh love poor you, have you had a paracetamol?"

I’ve got such a sore throat’ - try not talking! What does he think you can suggest that he hasn't heard of or does he just want you to say there there. I would try one upping him - I have such a sore throat - me too - my tonsils are swollen and look to him to do something. Him - I have back ache - me too - I think I have slipped a disc. I have a headache - oh if only there were some medication invented that might help.
I have to say that my partner once said he got more sympathy from the cat then me when he was ill. I explained I had run out of sympathy as I peaked when trying to be arsed about his previous ailments.

What a horrible thread

Tell him to put his Dressing Gown of Doom on.

After he's washed up, made you a cup of tea, and put the children to bed

Why?
The DH sounds like a self-indulgent bore.

Surely part of being in a loving and caring relationship is telling each other how you feel. Not despising the fact that your partner has the shear nerve to mention if they’re in pain or not well.

Has he had a through check up? Our GP used to offer a through ‘ service ‘ (his words) to make sure we were in full working order. It might be worth checking that he is in fact just a whinger or a hypochondriac, because if all his minor ailments were actually symptoms of a more serious problem, which could have been ‘caught in time’ ……

And yes, I know on MN every man should be totally self sufficient and not expect his DW to look after him, but actually quite a lot of men leave it too late to go to the doctor, whether through laziness or fear.

You need to communicate some of what is getting to you. Don’t be a martyr and just get on with everything, annoyed. He’s not psychic. But also tell him to go to the GP if he has all these things wrong with him and is constantly complaining.

My ex did this. Let’s call him Steve. Every single day, perhaps multiple times a day there was always some moan or another. Tired, back ache, ankle ache, itchy, headache, arse ache, face ache. I was sick of it, so I began making a note called “Steve”s Sickness Calendar”.
I wrote down everything he complaimed about for 6 weeks. He had no idea I was doing it. Then I made him a GP appointment, handed it all over and told him I had kept track of his illnesses as there must be something seriously wrong, and could he ask the GP to spot a pattern. He did have the sense to
be embattassed. Can you do the same?

This is the same fucker, when I was in agony and throwing up with the pain of a gallstone attack, our baby was crying in the night and I asked him to go to him, he said no as he had work the next day.

Reader. I LTB and never looked back.

What a self-obsessed, selfish, pathetic, attention-seeking manbaby you mean?

Every day a new ailment that no doubt means he can’t fully partake in family life. The OP is run ragged and has compassion fatigue over his likely pretend ailments.

She’s not a bitch. She’s bored titless of listening to her husband’s pathetic moaning and likely has fuck all left in the tank to deal with him, after everything else she’s juggling.