To think its time to put the cat down?

[SkibbityBopBo]

DH will not agree.

Cat is 20 years old.

Positives:
Still has good appetite
Mostly mobile
Seems happy plodding about and sleeping
Very loving

Negatives
Occasionally vomits (has been to vets multiple times, had bloodwork etc. They say its just his age, no physical reason to be found)
His back legs give way occasionally
Is completely deaf
Can't see very wel
Meows a lot because he is deaf and trying to find people
Pretty sure he has dementia, he gets confused and sits facing the wall/wanders around aimlessly.

All this I have lived with for the last few months with no issue BUT

Now he is starting to shit outside his box. In the hall, on the carpets ect

And today was my last straw as he SHIT on my kitchen counter and pissed in my stand mixer jug 😭

I told DH that I think its time now and he got mad.

Because hes not seeming to be in physical pain he doesn't agree.

YABU- He is happy enough and not in pain so leave him be

YANBU - If hes pissing and shitting on the kitchen sides its time to PTS.

No happy and healthy cat does that. I’m sorry but if there’s no obvious cause like a UTI then it’s time. It’s not just about if a cat is in pain. It’s about quality of life. That’s no life is it? I’m sorry.

My cat is similar but without the toilet episodes. He's ok but not living his best life.
Watching with interest, when is enough enough?

He’s had a good long life, time to let him go with a bit of dignity before you start to resent him for the mess and taint your memories of him. I loved my cat but I held on for way too long and he ended up becoming an absolute pain. Not his fault and I really regret not letting him go sooner.

I was with DH until the toileting.

Theres no physical issue for it so for ke he is just unable to use his box anymore.

Which sort of comes under loss of dignity for him? I know he isnt human but still

Oh bless him he doesn't know where he is. It's such a hard decision. But if he still has some joy, not in pain and eating he might be okay. But he will only get worse.

I read somewhere that a week too early is better than a week too late. I think we left it a little too late with DBoycat1 but then he was in so much pain we had to make the decision.

It is such an important decision that you both have to agree on, either waiting for him to die naturally or helping him on his way.
We were in the same situation a year ago and both agreed to let our sick cat go. We had tried everything but the vet said the end was close and he was suffering.My husband (retired) still grieves for him as he was his partner whilst I was out at work all day but at least doesn’t blame me.

Hes just old and behaving accordingly - it sounds like it’s more about you being pissed with him shitting everywhere. Shall we put all old people down that do the same?

I had an elderly cat who did all the same but I refused to have her put down all the time she was not in pain. She died cuddling up to me, purring till the last and i’m so glad that she went that way.

I’m with your OH here.

Apparently cats hide pain pretty well so you might not always recognise it as an owner

https://www.bluecross.org.uk/advice/cat/health-and-injuries/how-to-spot-if-your-cat-is-in-pain

Not true.

I think that if after 20 years of never having toileting issues this is a stark sign of him being unhappy or unable to make it to the toilet anymore.

It's not about my discomfort, I'm a carer, I deal with shit and piss 24/7, it doesn't bother me.

What bothers me is the thought of the cat being distressed enought to pee on the kitchen counter because he doesn't know how to find his litter box anymore or he can't hold his bladder!

My girl is nearly 21 and is v. similar though we cope with the weeing with puppy pads changed a couple of times a day. She's actually very good at using them rather than going randomly and is always eager for breakfast and cuddles. It's hard, though.

Where do you put the puppy pads?

He just pees/poos wherever he is. He doesn't seem to be going to a specific place.

We have one beside the sofa (hardwood floors, fortunately!) and one in the hall, and so far, she gets it. Her back legs are wobbly, which makes litter boxes tricky for her, I think.

Ii think if she were shitting on our counter, my partner would call time on her!

The back legs giving way would indicate to me that his time is nearing the end and combined with deafness and failing eyesight it can't be a great quality of life for him. I'd probably be thinking of euthanising him too, realistically at his age things are only going to go downhill and probably fairly quickly from here.

Must be so hard to cope with a cat pooing everywhere . OP does your OH clear it up?

That

he’s never going to have a better day than today, he’s not going to improve
a lot of people wait way too long and they end up with no dignity and in pain. I say that as someone who chose to let my elderly cat go early despite howling with grief over it
I would rather pick a day than be driving at 3am to out of hours with a cat in agony

So then if your so sure and believe you’re right, why are you posting?

The back legs going could be related to the incontinence. I'm always on the side of a week too early than a day too late.

I am a vet and say to people that you’ve spent a lifetime training pets to toilet outside or in a litter box, so when they are no longer able to do that it must be distressing for them. For me, this is enough to consider putting them down, I would hate for my elderly boy to be stressed thinking he’d be told off for toileting in the house.

Cats hide pain extremely well. Back legs collapsing and incontinence makes it sound like it’s time.

I am a terrible person but the line And today was my last straw as he SHIT on my kitchen counter and pissed in my stand mixer jug made me think respect to that little cats agility though of course it is not good and does make you wonder what is going on in his tangled up brain that he would do this .
Cats are by and large very dignified animals so when they lose the integrity to toilet as they'd prefer to , then you have to think "Is it now?"

I think he sounds distressed and possibly early dementia?
Does he go out ?

I think I would get the vet’s opinion.

Sometimes it’s hard to really see when you are so close to it and don’t want to admit the truth - we had to put my girl down at 19. I grew up with her and towards the end she had cancer and cat flu. I kept insisting she was fine and my mum finally had to say to me just look at her she’s miserable.

I agree with this. It does sound like it’s time.

This is just like my cat. He’s 21 and has moderate kidney decline. He has high blood pressure which was making him super wobbly and wonky back legs but since he started on those meds it’s a bit better. He was an outdoor cat but I think is just too sleepy/unadventurous now to go out to wee/poo and he was starting to go in the shower, in the corner, in the kids open school bags (grim!).

He now uses a covered litter tray which he manages fine for poo, but often I think he hangs out the front so misses it when he wees. I sorted that by getting an Ikea boot tray which the litter box sits on. The tray is longer than the litter box so there is an extra bit where I place a cut up puppy pad (1 pad = 4 mini pads) in front of it the entrance. Then if he wees out of the box, the pad gets it and the lip of the tray means it’s all contained.

He’s very loud and demanding but I think still has all his faculties. He occasionally is in a wee world of his own and is sometimes startled when I approach him, but otherwise can see/ hear fine. Has a good appetite. His favourite place is on my knee which he would do 24/7 given the chance which is a bit intense at times, but I am his person.

I guess I’ll be steered by how he copes day to day and by what the vet says at regular check ups but I do wonder when ‘that’ time will be.

I said to the vet that I hope I just come down one morning and find he’s gone in his sleep, to which she said “that rarely happens” so I think it will need to be a hard decision one day. I just can’t believe he’s still going!

Because my husband doesn't agree?

Its the first line of the post.

Im gauging other peoples opinions and experiences. I think it's the right time. He doesn't.