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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Found out why my friend is ignoring me and am so upset and annoyed

38 replies

citygirl1961 · 12/05/2025 18:03

A good (or what I thought was a good) friend of mine has been ignoring me since January when she failed to reply to a message I sent her on Facebook. After about a week I messaged again to ask if she was OK and still no reply so I left it. She was active on Facebook so I knew she was OK and just blanking me. It hurt but as the months have gone on I've tried to put it out of my mind and move on.

A mutual male friend of ours, who is a very close friend of mine, advised me to let her go and that she's not a real friend if that's what she does.

So yesterdayhim and me and him were chatting on Facebook and he had recommend a good self help book to me which I said I'd seen and was going to buy. He said I probably won't buy it because I tend to not take advice from people. He was referring to some plans I'd made that day trying to suit two people at the same time which he's advised me not to do. I just thought he was going off on one about that and asked him what he meant about the book and why he doesn't think I'll buy it.

But then he told me about this mutual friend and said that she's ignoring me because I never took her advice. I was upset by this and just said true friends don't spit their dummy out if you don't always take their advice anyway. And he said she was just ridding herself of a problem.

I've seen him today and asked him what she's said to him. He said she said something to him via Facebook a while ago after we'd been both been away together for a week which was about three years ago now. We've always had fun and laughs together but on that holiday she was snappy with me for no reason. He said that she told him she'd gone away with me to try and help me and all I did was want to sit in coffee shops all the time and refused to do anything else! Yes we did have coffee, also instigated by her. And we did do other things. She also didn't want to do anything in the evenings but go straight to bed.

Just before we went away she met some other friends on holiday who are into getting drunk which I'm not and she did change towards me then,

My friend has said not to talk about and her move o and again said she's not worth it. I was moving on until he told me why she was ignoring me, he said I needed to know. Maybe I did but I am finding it very upsetting. I suffer from depression as it is.

As for me not taking her advice, she would change tactic anyway. Like she'd advised me about cooking and say batch cooking is the thing and the next minute she'd say she never does that and just eats what she fancies on the day. How can you take advice from people like that?

I have plenty of other friends who are on my wavelength and don't treat me like this but I can't stop this upsetting me.

OP posts:
Hickorydickorydog · 12/05/2025 18:18

you’re obviously better off without this so called friend in your life, but I can see why you’re upset. it will get easier over time. Try and keep yourself distracted with hobbies and meeting up with your true friends. The reasons she gave for ending your friendship are a bit feeble and there could be other issues you’re not aware of- can you trust this male friend? He doesn’t sound great either to be honest. I wouldn’t be confiding in him about your feelings regarding this situation.

Brefugee · 12/05/2025 18:20

file and forget her. And go lc with him?

OneDayIWillExplode · 12/05/2025 18:27

If person A tells you something about Person B, it says more about A than it does about B...

Male friend is odd in this scenario

TequilaNights · 12/05/2025 18:53

Wouldn't even give it a second thought, let sleeping dogs lie, sounds like your male friend is stirring the pot.

Plmnki · 12/05/2025 18:58

Honestly you all sound about 13.

hellosunshineminesagin · 12/05/2025 19:02

Can’t be 13 because she uses Facebook

CoraPirbright · 12/05/2025 19:03

Who died and made he the guru of everything? Why should you take her advice? And avoid this male friend too - he sounds like he is enjoying stirring up trouble with all this “she said this/that” stuff.

TinyTempest · 12/05/2025 19:09

Why do you need so much advice all the time?

I can't remember the last time a friend advised me to do anything.

I'm having to think quite hard.

SpryUmberZebra · 12/05/2025 19:19

Hickorydickorydog · 12/05/2025 18:18

you’re obviously better off without this so called friend in your life, but I can see why you’re upset. it will get easier over time. Try and keep yourself distracted with hobbies and meeting up with your true friends. The reasons she gave for ending your friendship are a bit feeble and there could be other issues you’re not aware of- can you trust this male friend? He doesn’t sound great either to be honest. I wouldn’t be confiding in him about your feelings regarding this situation.

I agree, he comes across someone who likes to stir the pot to cause trouble.

And also @citygirl1961 do you require a lot of advice from your friends? I can see people avoiding you if you’re always coming with problems and emotionally dumping on them.

citygirl1961 · 12/05/2025 19:21

SpryUmberZebra · 12/05/2025 19:19

I agree, he comes across someone who likes to stir the pot to cause trouble.

And also @citygirl1961 do you require a lot of advice from your friends? I can see people avoiding you if you’re always coming with problems and emotionally dumping on them.

No I don't. I might ask friends for advice if something is on my mind which is what friends are for but then it goes both ways, I give advice to them too.

OP posts:
JifNtGif · 12/05/2025 19:21

I mean tbf to your friend, you sound like hard work

TortolaParadise · 12/05/2025 19:47

Male informer seems to be stirring the pot. Why talk now after knowing information for three years? If she is not worth it why is he still friend with her?

Bestfootforward11 · 12/05/2025 19:52

Both friends sound quite odd and I don’t think they are bringing anything hugely positive to your life. He is stirring and I’ve no idea why the other friend is upset about something from 3 years ago. Really don’t waste your energy trying to work it out; you will never find an answer as I don’t think even they know. I’d focus on trying to find some fresh energy and focus elsewhere. I think you need to get out and about, do a course, pick up a hobby. Communicating online can be good but can also lead to misunderstanding. Good luck.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 12/05/2025 19:58

I would actually be concerned as to whether this male friend has been stirring things between you and whether he has said something to her which has resulted in her deciding to blank you.

ProfessionalWhimsicalSkidaddler · 12/05/2025 20:00

You do sound a little difficult. But aren’t we all. I don’t necessarily think bad of your male friend. He’s obv been told something that makes him know the relationship can’t be fixed and you need to forget.

carly2803 · 12/05/2025 20:29

male friend is a shit stirrer isnt he?

think you need to move on from both relationships

Goingoutofmymind25 · 12/05/2025 20:30

So did your friend decided to ghost you due to what happened on a holiday 2 or 3 years ll ago?
And your male friend who initially said your ex-friend want real friend now changed tune and is saying exfriend is getting rid of the problem (you?? Is he calling you a problem??).
I fell like there is a massive back story mussing. Either that, or your friend are complete arseholes

Cnidarian · 12/05/2025 20:31

If your friend recommended "Let Them" he's right you probably would benefit from giving it a read

Bikergran · 12/05/2025 20:46

Dump male "friend". He obviously likes stirring it.

ThatCyanCat · 12/05/2025 20:55

Doesn't sound like you've got a real friendship with either of them.

ImaginedCorners · 12/05/2025 21:01

You all sound difficult.

Mrsgreen100 · 12/05/2025 21:04

Baffled as to why your relationship messaging is just on Facebook how about picking up the phone and checking her out to make sure she’s okay?

Velmy · 12/05/2025 21:05

You all sound like completely ridiculous people.

gamerchick · 12/05/2025 21:07

Do you believe him? Personally I think when you're confused about something someone's said, then it's probably a lie.

PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt · 12/05/2025 21:09

It's exhausting having someone in your life asking for advice, not taking it, then coming back for more advice they won't take.

She's made a decision that's best for her, and it leaves you free to have friendships with people on your wavelength.

Male friend is, however, a shit stirrer. Why would you 'need' to know that?

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