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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Found out why my friend is ignoring me and am so upset and annoyed

38 replies

citygirl1961 · 12/05/2025 18:03

A good (or what I thought was a good) friend of mine has been ignoring me since January when she failed to reply to a message I sent her on Facebook. After about a week I messaged again to ask if she was OK and still no reply so I left it. She was active on Facebook so I knew she was OK and just blanking me. It hurt but as the months have gone on I've tried to put it out of my mind and move on.

A mutual male friend of ours, who is a very close friend of mine, advised me to let her go and that she's not a real friend if that's what she does.

So yesterdayhim and me and him were chatting on Facebook and he had recommend a good self help book to me which I said I'd seen and was going to buy. He said I probably won't buy it because I tend to not take advice from people. He was referring to some plans I'd made that day trying to suit two people at the same time which he's advised me not to do. I just thought he was going off on one about that and asked him what he meant about the book and why he doesn't think I'll buy it.

But then he told me about this mutual friend and said that she's ignoring me because I never took her advice. I was upset by this and just said true friends don't spit their dummy out if you don't always take their advice anyway. And he said she was just ridding herself of a problem.

I've seen him today and asked him what she's said to him. He said she said something to him via Facebook a while ago after we'd been both been away together for a week which was about three years ago now. We've always had fun and laughs together but on that holiday she was snappy with me for no reason. He said that she told him she'd gone away with me to try and help me and all I did was want to sit in coffee shops all the time and refused to do anything else! Yes we did have coffee, also instigated by her. And we did do other things. She also didn't want to do anything in the evenings but go straight to bed.

Just before we went away she met some other friends on holiday who are into getting drunk which I'm not and she did change towards me then,

My friend has said not to talk about and her move o and again said she's not worth it. I was moving on until he told me why she was ignoring me, he said I needed to know. Maybe I did but I am finding it very upsetting. I suffer from depression as it is.

As for me not taking her advice, she would change tactic anyway. Like she'd advised me about cooking and say batch cooking is the thing and the next minute she'd say she never does that and just eats what she fancies on the day. How can you take advice from people like that?

I have plenty of other friends who are on my wavelength and don't treat me like this but I can't stop this upsetting me.

OP posts:
JudgeBread · 12/05/2025 21:10

Grown adults blanking eachother over petty horseshit on Facebook don't deserve friends.

And that man is just a shit stirrer and not a very good friend himself.

I'd tell both of them to fuck off to be honest.

User28473 · 12/05/2025 21:23

I personally wouldn't assume a friend was 'blanking' me if they didn't reply to a message. Christ, I'd have zero friends if that was the way it worked. So for that, I wonder if you are high maintenance.

Male friend sounds like a total arsehole. Please go low contact and phase him out. I wouldn't be surprised if he has lied to friend and caused the friendship rift.

Todayisaday · 12/05/2025 21:28

Male friend sounds like a stirrer.
I wouldnt be surprised if he had said things to her too about things you said. Even if you didnt say them.

JLou08 · 12/05/2025 21:29

What a load of drama over nothing. I wouldn't be bothering with either of them. Stick with the friends that are on your wavelength, you may find your mental health improves once you move on from them.

Goditsmemargaret · 12/05/2025 21:31

I'm really surprised by the replies here. Of course you're hurt and upset.

Honestly this man sounds like a pas-ag stirrer. Get rid of him. Recommending a book then saying you won't buy it as you don't take advice just to segue into a claim your friend stopped speaking to you for that very reason.

Why would he know why she stopped speaking to you? She might have offloaded some examples of finding the friendship hard going including the pair of you not gelling on holiday but she wouldn't have intended it to get back to you I'm sure. He's a tosser.

She has her reasons for cutting contact. Whether they are valid or not is another story and to be honest irrelevant anyway. I know you miss the friendship but for now she's not interested. I'm sorry as I know it's painful.

GeorgianaM · 12/05/2025 21:32

Both the ex friend and him are not to be trusted. He’s a massive shit stirrer.

citygirl1961 · 12/05/2025 21:34

Goditsmemargaret · 12/05/2025 21:31

I'm really surprised by the replies here. Of course you're hurt and upset.

Honestly this man sounds like a pas-ag stirrer. Get rid of him. Recommending a book then saying you won't buy it as you don't take advice just to segue into a claim your friend stopped speaking to you for that very reason.

Why would he know why she stopped speaking to you? She might have offloaded some examples of finding the friendship hard going including the pair of you not gelling on holiday but she wouldn't have intended it to get back to you I'm sure. He's a tosser.

She has her reasons for cutting contact. Whether they are valid or not is another story and to be honest irrelevant anyway. I know you miss the friendship but for now she's not interested. I'm sorry as I know it's painful.

Thank you for your support. Yes I am upset which is what only you seem to realise on here.

OP posts:
citygirl1961 · 12/05/2025 21:35

User28473 · 12/05/2025 21:23

I personally wouldn't assume a friend was 'blanking' me if they didn't reply to a message. Christ, I'd have zero friends if that was the way it worked. So for that, I wonder if you are high maintenance.

Male friend sounds like a total arsehole. Please go low contact and phase him out. I wouldn't be surprised if he has lied to friend and caused the friendship rift.

I don't expect messages straight away or even within a week or two but I think four months is stretching a bit. Hardly high maintenance expecting a reply before then.

OP posts:
Anywherebuthere · 12/05/2025 21:41

The male friend sounds like a gossiping stirrer. You don't need people like him in your life.

Your other friend is obviously over and done with her friendship with you.

Time to move on and away from them both.

Eldermillennialmum · 12/05/2025 21:49

It doesn't matter why she's not talking to you. She's not your real friend if she doesn't want to spend time with you or isn't happy about something like that. It's not even about right or wrong it just is what it is and she's showing you she doesn't want to be friends.

Have you read or heard of the Let Them Theory by Mel Robins. It could change your life.

Thepossibility · 12/05/2025 21:58

She had just had enough of the friendship between the two of you and probably gave some bullshit reason when asked why.
Male friend is just a snake.
Move on from the both of them.

Mreenpyke · 12/05/2025 23:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ButterPiesAreGreat · 01/09/2025 23:33

Definitely agree that the male sounds like he’s stirring. He may be doing this so he can be the hero and bring you back together or he has his reasons for keeping you two apart.

I get you’re upset, but you may have to accept both friendships are beyond repair. Unfortunately, friendships do come to an end and you don’t always know why. Frustrating as that is, it’s probably better to move on than torture yourself over it.

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