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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
TheHerboriste · 12/05/2025 17:40

HunnyPot · 12/05/2025 17:34

Flight attendant should have given you and your daughter the upgrade for free 😁

There's a reason she didn't: Because she knew OP was taking the piss.

I had a seat-kicker a few years ago and gave the FA an exasperated look before takeoff. Right before the plane pulled away she beckoned me, said "grab your stuff and come with me," and put me in first class. I was in a row all to myself.

Note that she didn't choose to move the two parents and their kicking lap child.

FAs aren't in the business of rewarding shit behaviour.

crimblecrumble3 · 12/05/2025 17:41

I haven’t read the full thread but I’m guessing you will be getting stick for being an entitled parent by people who don’t understand it’s equally if not more entitled to never expect to be bothered by anyone when travelling on a public aircraft.

It’s tough travelling with small kids and it sounds like you did what you could to stop your dd being a pain. A little understanding from a grown adult wouldn’t have gone amiss.

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:41

ParmaVioletTea · 12/05/2025 17:35

I really do think she would have done better if we had more space

Well that's on YOU, isn't it? The irony of causing this disruption because you were too cheap to pay for better seats, and were unprepared for the journey. And yet you slag off the woman in front for not wanting to pay to be moved away from your daughter, making her trip a misery?

Yes, aeroplanes are public transport, but it's not as if the passengers can easily get up and walk about if someone else is annoying them or making their back hurt.

Edited

I already said next time we’ll get the bigger seats or fly a different airline. The seating wasn’t t this bad the last time we flew.

I’m not speaking ill of her for not wanting to pay for the upgrade, but rather for her language around children. She didn’t need to curse, suggest drugging them, or refer to them as “things”

It’s not like parents can really move their children from their seats if they’re being bothersome, either. At least on a bus or a train, there’s usually open seats, and you can get off at the next stop if the situation is untenable. Or like, in movie theatres or restaurants, you can carry them out if they’re misbehaving. It’s not like that on a plane

OP posts:
MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 17:42

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:37

I wish I had thought of taking off her shoes! I’m so slow 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don’t think it was that hard, but I also know these are very cheap seats and you can probably feel everything through them.

I agree; I don’t think it’s ever appropriate to use that kind of language in front of a child.

You don't know how hard she was kicking? You must realise how hard children kick!
I've taken my children when pre schoolers on long haul flights. They never once kicked anyone's seat.
We wouldn't have allowed it.

CleanShirt · 12/05/2025 17:42

Fwiw, I flew long haul last week. There was a 4/5 year old sat behind me and I sighed inwardly when I saw this. Bur she was so well behaved that you couldn't even tell she was there.

HeadNorth · 12/05/2025 17:42

CleanShirt · 12/05/2025 17:39

Op - aibu?
MN - yes
Op - no I'm not.

What even is the point of asking.

Edited

Well that’s not true, is it? Quite a few of us have sympathised with the OP and pointed out the selective amnesia of the perfect parent crew.

You shouldn’t just make things up, you know. Did your parents never teach you that was wrong Grin

Panamacatinahat · 12/05/2025 17:42

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:31

How did you get them not to?

You tell them not to kick the seat. Your child is old into understand this instruction.

BreadInCaptivity · 12/05/2025 17:42

The woman in front was rude and should not have been swearing.

However, OP you sounds as if you were poorly prepared for the flight.

Our DC’s were on airplanes from 6 months old.

As pp’s have said you should have:

  1. taken shoes off
  2. if required put your hands on her feet to stop the kicking or had her sat upright with legs crossed on her seat.
  3. Had drinks/snacks/games/headphones etc all available
  4. Once the seatbelt sign was off put her on your lap and angled her feet sideways into her (now free) seat.
  5. You could have paid to move the seats with more legroom as another option.

At nearly 4 they could definitely sit still for long enough re: take off with some distraction.

Whilst the woman behaved badly having someone kicking your seat is like torture, especially if you are trying to rest/sleep.

MumChp · 12/05/2025 17:43

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:41

I already said next time we’ll get the bigger seats or fly a different airline. The seating wasn’t t this bad the last time we flew.

I’m not speaking ill of her for not wanting to pay for the upgrade, but rather for her language around children. She didn’t need to curse, suggest drugging them, or refer to them as “things”

It’s not like parents can really move their children from their seats if they’re being bothersome, either. At least on a bus or a train, there’s usually open seats, and you can get off at the next stop if the situation is untenable. Or like, in movie theatres or restaurants, you can carry them out if they’re misbehaving. It’s not like that on a plane

You know it's a plane. If you can't handle your child on a plane you can go with your child on a bus or a train.

MyLittleNest · 12/05/2025 17:43

I also think it was the age of your DD that added to the woman's rage and may also be why she felt the need to speak directly to her rather than you. Most children that age do not fidget that much so quickly upon being seated, need juice minutes into taking their seats, and then proceed to have a crying meltdown because they have to wait a few minutes for juice.

Speaking for myself, I'd have more patience with a 1yo behaving this way because they can't help it. A 4yo can.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 17:43

Panamacatinahat · 12/05/2025 17:42

You tell them not to kick the seat. Your child is old into understand this instruction.

Yes, that's what we did. Once would be enough!

Wineisalwaysagoodidea · 12/05/2025 17:43

Would you class yourself a ‘gentle parent’? As generally I just find people who class themselves as such being unable to be firm. You can be firm with a child and give clear instructions and boundaries without shouting and screaming. A 4yo is definitely able to understand that instruction and we’d alllllll like more space on flights.
As for the woman in front, she was dreadfully rude and swearing like that in front of a child (or anyone really) is appalling. I’m disappointed the airline weren’t firmer with her like you should have been with your DD.

Charmofgoldfinch · 12/05/2025 17:43

if the woman in front hadn’t said anything she would have been kicked in the back for 5 hours. That’s really unacceptable OP. Yes she should not have sworn or shouted - but she also had to call the flight attendant over 4 times until a resolution was found. The woman should not have to pay more to not be kicked in the back.

Shelby2010 · 12/05/2025 17:45

You have my sympathies. We took DD on an aeroplane at 18months, so she had to sit on my lap for takeoff & landing. She wasn’t happy about it & there wasn’t much room for manoeuvre, as you can imagine with both of us jammed into the narrow space.

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 12/05/2025 17:45

An aeroplane may be public transport, but generally you aren't on a bus/train for 10 hours plus (unless you're on an avanti west coast train!). Stress/fear can make someone v tetchy and tbh, any kicking of one's seat will be irritating, and reaches orders of magnitude if it continues.
And of course, parents are blind to their children's annoying little habits foibles, so where they see a bit of fidgeting, the reality is a big bloody annoance to others.

pollyglot · 12/05/2025 17:47

I notice in your OP, OP, that you expressed no real sympathy for the woman enduring your child's behaviour. A 4-year old should be better able to listen to instruction, or don't take them long haul. You seem to be able to excuse yourself and your poor organisation. You come over as extremely self-centred. And as for "children missing out on travelling before they're fully developed"...FFS, really?

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 12/05/2025 17:47

Onethingafteran0ther · 12/05/2025 16:53

My firstborn is ND and flying is a nightmare because they fidget, have sensory issues etc.
People lose their patience on aeroplanes. Everyone just needs to chill out! Yanbu op xx

No, 'eveyone else' does not have to chill.

Hoppinggreen · 12/05/2025 17:48

I think most of us DO understand given that most of us have flown with small children

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 17:48

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 12/05/2025 17:47

No, 'eveyone else' does not have to chill.

Quite.

AzurePanda · 12/05/2025 17:49

Sorry, I have a high tolerance for crying babies and children on aeroplanes but zero for seat kickers. I regularly flew on my own with my 3 between the UK and Australia and would immediately put a stop to any seat kicking.

AgnesX · 12/05/2025 17:49

It must have been an amazingly small plane that a 4 year olds feet were touching the seat in front and so small that she couldn't get comfortable...

Was this some mega cheap American airline?

Shelby2010 · 12/05/2025 17:50

Was she actually kicking or just pushing on the back of the seat to stop herself sliding down? It would still feel annoying to the person in front but can’t actually be classed as naughty behaviour.

Shadowsunray · 12/05/2025 17:51

Your child is badly behaved because you allow it and justify her bad behaviour. It's completely unacceptable for her to kick the seat in front of her. If you can't teach your child to be a decent young human being, keep her at home instead of expecting others to put up with her bad behaviour.

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:51

workshy46 · 12/05/2025 17:36

Your child sounds incredibly spoiled tbh.. not even being able to wait a few minutes for a drink before kicking off.
Does your child not follow any of your rules, instructions ?
That being said the other passenger was way out of line with the cursing but probably could see you weren't going to interject or parent so she had to try to deal with it herself

If never usually having to go without fluids makes a child spoiled, then sure, DD is spoiled.

There’s always a cup at home, school, in the car, at restaurants or any time we’re on the go. Even when hiking I carry multiple 2L water bladders. She was tired and experiencing thirst, possibly for the first time, and I had messed up and wasn’t able to give her a drink for about half an hour.

She listens to rules and instructions like your average not-quite-4 yo. Fairly well if she’s not tired, hungry, thirsty, scared, excited, distracted, curious about something across the shop…

OP posts:
Popquorn · 12/05/2025 17:52

I would have paid the £60 myself to move me and DD

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