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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that luxury is addictive?

56 replies

QuirkyPearlEagle · 11/05/2025 17:27

Once you get used to a certain level of comfort, it’s hard to go back. Whether it’s flying business class, staying in five-star hotels or even just small everyday luxuries like nicer skincare, it changes your standards.

I’ve noticed that when I experience something luxurious, I start justifying why I “need” it, even if I was perfectly fine without it before. It’s not even about showing off - it’s just that once you’ve had a taste of something better, the thought of downgrading feels almost impossible.

Has anyone else found this? Or do some people just not care about luxury at all?

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 11/05/2025 17:29

This is why I've no time for people going "in my day no one had xyz". No we aren't comparing ourselves to "your day" but to whatever level we were used to.

lapuf · 11/05/2025 17:30

I think it’s called hedonic adaptation

MatildaTheCat · 11/05/2025 17:34

I don’t agree it’s addictive but certainly you get used to nicer and more comfortable standards of living and if you can afford to pay for that then no issue?

I recently test drove a car that was a good step down from my current one. I’d usually say I’m not a car person but I couldn’t help but dislike the cheaper interior fittings and quality of drive. Equally I never like to stay anywhere that’s less nice than home.

However I buy most of my clothes from charity shops and spend most of my time in jeans hanging out with the dog. I consider expensive cosmetics largely a waste of money and although I like a cashmere I’ve had most of mine for well over a decade so I’m probably not ready for the Betty Ford clinic yet.

Numberfish · 11/05/2025 17:35

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QuirkyPearlEagle · 11/05/2025 17:41

MatildaTheCat · 11/05/2025 17:34

I don’t agree it’s addictive but certainly you get used to nicer and more comfortable standards of living and if you can afford to pay for that then no issue?

I recently test drove a car that was a good step down from my current one. I’d usually say I’m not a car person but I couldn’t help but dislike the cheaper interior fittings and quality of drive. Equally I never like to stay anywhere that’s less nice than home.

However I buy most of my clothes from charity shops and spend most of my time in jeans hanging out with the dog. I consider expensive cosmetics largely a waste of money and although I like a cashmere I’ve had most of mine for well over a decade so I’m probably not ready for the Betty Ford clinic yet.

Haha I love this, especially the Betty Ford line! Totally get what you mean though. It’s not that luxury turns you into a monster, it just makes ‘standard’ feel… a bit more standard. I feel the same way about hotels now - anything less than plush towels and a good breakfast and I’m like… hmm.

OP posts:
dontcomeatme · 11/05/2025 17:47

This is my mam, we grew up quite poor, basic working class but abandoned by dad so single mam. We managed and I loved my childhood, it taught me the value of money and making the most out of what you have. However my mam remarried and they now live quite wealthy. My mam could NEVER go back to how it was, she is a lady of luxury now and when she comes to my home I can tell she is judging, well not judging, but put it this way - she brings her own jar of coffee because she won't drink my "cheap" stuff 😅. She always comments about our monetary differences. I was trying to confide in her once after we'd had a financial emergency that I only had £60 to last the fortnight till we got paid. And she replied "I know what you mean, I only have £500 left too" 😐 we can not relate to each other anymore haha

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 11/05/2025 17:51

I use the phrase “paying to suffer”. And, like the PP above, I’m sure I’ll be flamed and people won’t understand that two things can exist at once and life isn’t a race to the bottom blah blah blah, but let’s say my husband suddenly said to me we were flying economy, I’d probably say I’d rather not go. I’d have more fun and comfort and home, not blowing a cheaper airfare “paying to suffer”.

MyKingdomForACat · 11/05/2025 18:00

I like nice things but then who doesn’t? I only stay in 5 star hotels because who wants to pay for a holiday where you have less than you have at home? Not the point of the “holiday” surely

QuirkyPearlEagle · 11/05/2025 18:09

MyKingdomForACat · 11/05/2025 18:00

I like nice things but then who doesn’t? I only stay in 5 star hotels because who wants to pay for a holiday where you have less than you have at home? Not the point of the “holiday” surely

Exactly, it’s not even about being flashy, it’s just hard to justify spending money to downgrade your comfort. Once you’ve experienced a certain level, it really reframes what counts as ‘normal.’

OP posts:
SpottedDonkey · 11/05/2025 18:09

Hotels, no. I have stayed in proper 5* places, and they are great, but I’m still perfectly happy in a Premier Inn or similar standard chain hotel as long as it’s in the right location.

Restaurants, definitely not. When I’m in a different country I would much rather eat the authentic local food at a simple, popular local restaurant full of local people than go to some posh pretentious place full of rich tourists. I’m very much an omnivore though, so it’s easy for me to be adventurous than for someone who is a fussy eater or has dietary restrictions.

Flying, very much yes. I have been fortunate enough to fly long haul business class many times, and got an upgrade to first on one memorable occasion. It really is a completely different experience to economy. Being able to lie down, stretch out & actually get some sleep on an overnight flight is wonderful. Once you have done it a couple of times it makes long-haul economy feel like a form of torture. easyJet & BA economy are still fine for short haul, though.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 11/05/2025 18:14

Definitely

For me, good quality food and ingredients has really made a difference, and I hate to buy cheap stuff now - things like tinned tomatoes or meat, spending a bit more really makes a difference

Also, tech - I'd buy the best quality or go without x

MyKingdomForACat · 11/05/2025 18:15

QuirkyPearlEagle · 11/05/2025 18:09

Exactly, it’s not even about being flashy, it’s just hard to justify spending money to downgrade your comfort. Once you’ve experienced a certain level, it really reframes what counts as ‘normal.’

Quite. It’s nothing to do with flashy. It’s to do with what I consider to be a pleasant experience rather than suffering something. It’s a break away from home to do something lovely x

Dizzybob · 11/05/2025 18:15

It’s good old fashioned lifestyle creep. It’s why you get people on here trying to convince people they’re struggling on £100k. They can manage on less, they just don’t want to.

myplace · 11/05/2025 18:19

Hmm. While I agree, I don’t think k it’s particularly positive to accept you’ve grown accustomed to living well.
50yrs ago, a daily hot shower was not the norm. The greats of history achieved their greatness without being accustomed to the ease we enjoy.

I don’t think it’s a good thing to be unable to go back. Maybe holidays should be about roughing it again, to remain adaptable.

I mean, your dc… they’ve never known anything else presumably. They may lack empathy for the reality of other people’s lives.

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 11/05/2025 18:19

@SpottedDonkey makes a good point. I would never compromise on flights, hotels, wardrobe, home groceries but cannot bear a stuffy tasting menu situation (unless it’s omakase). Those sorts of affairs always seem to be about the restaurant, not you: interrupting so they can tell you about a jus…don’t care…and I’m a miserable bitch so expect them to quickly read the room aka my face which is saying I don’t want the schmooze, which they inevitably fail to pick up on.

user1497787065 · 11/05/2025 18:20

I’m not sure of luxury exactly but I definitely believe in buying the best you can afford.

I also believe that nothing is as wasteful as economy can be. By that I mean buy cheap, buy twice.

TheShiningHostess · 11/05/2025 18:22

We have travelled loads and finally in our 60s/70s we've just had our first business class experience.

We have some short haul flights booked soon with EasyJet and that's going to be fine, but any long haul flights in the future will have to include business class or we just won't go.

Mistyglade · 11/05/2025 18:22

Definitely. I’d rather go without than have rubbish.

Soph47gwt7 · 11/05/2025 18:24

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Is everything ok..?

KnittyNell · 11/05/2025 18:25

Not me, I’m totally content with basic things. I live a simple life and am very happy.

MrsKeats · 11/05/2025 18:27

This is me 100%,
I love luxury, especially restaurants and hotels.
luckily I can afford it these days.

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 11/05/2025 18:28

.

To think that luxury is addictive?
FinallyHere · 11/05/2025 19:02

practically speaking, I think it’s mostly easier to get used to more luxurious things than to downgrade to less nice things.

Asking colleagues about the downsides of a new job where all business travel was in business class, everyone mentioned that it made holidays more expensive because it was hard to be content in economy once used to business class.

Hotels are more complex though. Again, when travelling on business I just want everything to work so that I don’t waste any time getting things sorted, international, anonymous hotels where if you woke up having forgotten where you are, there would be very few clues about the location are perfect when working.

On holiday I’m happier with something much quirkier or even eccentric for the sake of a wonderful view or. even better , charming hosts. I know i won’t be rushing out for an early taxi and will be able to linger over a second coffee and enjoy the view.

Having as a student made very long journeys by coach including North Sea coast to Greece nowadays I would never consider spending hours and hours in a bumpy coach. I’d much rather stay at home but then home is not a lot nicer than my student flat.

overall, though I agree it’s easier to have things getting nicer than deadline with reducing circumstances

ReginaaPhalangee · 11/05/2025 19:28

I know what you mean OP. Never been able to afford business class but one time when flying to Japan, I randomly asked (it was £15,000 each at time of booking return), and on the desk that day it was £430 one way each. I immediately handed over my bank card - same again on return but cheaper at £375 each. Since then, I always ask when checking in how much an upgrade is. Never been that lucky since lol. Hated flying economy last week, kept saying to DH “wouldn’t have had to deal with that if we were in business” lol

HopingForTheBest25 · 11/05/2025 19:47

This can't be universally true or no one would ever go camping 😀