I just can’t stand my in laws

[eughinlaws]

yes yes, I know, it’s probably me. I’m a dragon myself, but honestly? I just can’t stand them.

my MIL gives me that visceral stomach reaction of just wanting to get away from her and not look straight at her.

a lot of things have happened over the years, I’ve posted about some of the situations on here over the years.

the fact remains that we are in each other’s lives and I don’t intend to break up the family or anything but I just don’t feel that any of them are people who have good intentions towards me and bring positivity to my life.

it has become so stale, even with my H’s siblings, who we see quite a bit. But it’s all just so forced / fake / superficial and not at all honest or natural.

but yeah I do see them, most weekends at some point and it’s just so inauthentic for me. I find it really difficult to spend time with people who I essentially know can’t really stand me.

is this just family ? It is isn’t it..

Well don’t see them most weekends then. I don’t see my own family or in-laws any th jng like as often as that.

Why are you seeing them nearly every weekend? What are you doing with them?

I have some respect for my pils and I actually quite like them, but I do find them tiring sometimes. I only see them occasionally though. I couldn't do every single weekend. Is there any way you could see less of them? You might find they aren't so bad!

That said, one of my sils is just a horrible woman and I don't see her at all. The other one isn't much better and thankfully lives in Australia so I don't have to see her either.

they usually want to see the kids in some capacity. They either invite us or they just drop in, often unannounced.

Step back, and let your DH deal with them.
Go out if they come round uninvited.

What does your DH want? Does he agree every weekend is too often?

If yes, then just say no to some of the invitations. If they show up just continue with what you are doing/ had planned.

If your DH wants to see them every weekend, let him go with the dc and you get on with your own plans.

Stop being so available then. Nobody needs to see their in-laws every bloody weekend.

Yesterday they just dropped by and I caught my SIL’s face at a certain moment.

my MIL had told my DS 5 that she was going on holiday for a week and my DS said to me, that he was sad about it. I said something like ‘ but honey you won’t even notice as you don’t see her anyway during the week ‘. ‘ it’s OK ‘..

I saw SIL kind of smirking because I think she thought it wasn’t very nice of me to fob it off like that.

they’re always very proud when the kids don’t want them to leave or don’t want to leave their house. They love to make a big deal out of it and drag out their departures

Do they pop in at a regular time?

So say Saturday around noon on their way from or about to do something? If so just start popping to the park/beach/forest/nature walk/bike ride.

It’s hard to say when they’ll pop in.

Put a stop to the dropping round unannounced. Get Dh to tell them that it's not always a good time, so can they phone first and ask.
The world is divided into those who think popping in with no notice is fine and those who consider it to be very rude - personally I'm in the latter group . They might be the former but it will grate on your nerves until you deal wit he it.
They might want to see the kids every weekend but it isn't their right to impose that on you - you need a serious discussion with your dh do you both approach it as a team. Is he going to be supportive? Obviously be tactful because they are his family but you don't have to see them whenever they want as this is your life too!

My DH and DC have spent a lovely morning with my in-laws at their house today. I have spent a lovely morning on my own at home. This is not an isolated incident. This is how we manage our family time.
My in laws are not my responsibility. They are DH's. I have a responsibility to not interfere negatively in his relationship with his parents; but it clearly doesn't work if I'm forced to spend more time than I can cope with in their company.
When my in-laws are at my home, I frequently dip in and out of conversations- busy myself upstairs / kitchen / trips to the toilet! Conversations no longer go beyond the polite surface chit chat.
Unsure how old your DC are, but it gets easier the older they get. My DC is secondary school age and I leave them to sort out contact . They're in a family whatsapp group and arrangements are made without any need of permission from me.
There are historic tensions between us, but we're all now settled into this calmer dynamic.
If you saw us all together you would unlikely pick up an issue. It's relaxed- but there are strong boundaries. I.e. I'll engage in polite reciprocal conversation; but any comments, or point making- I just quietly leave the room or grey rock.

I don’t bother with mine, nor my choice it’s mostly DH decision. His family is quite fractious, MIL being the main reason for this. I like her well enough, but she’s toxic. So, I don’t go over there, she won’t come over here. DH sometimes DS to see her.
His brothers & sisters are the same, always scrapping over something. DH tried to introduce drama to my family, but we’re not like that. Now, my sister, BIL & parents have no time for him. I don’t blame them! It’s the dynamic he was raised with, sadly…

I just realised there is a pattern to parents in laws drop ins- after 6 pm ! Sis and brother in law Do ask if they can drop by and unless I specify - they also want to come at around 5-6 pm. Which is annoying.

but yes, in laws drop in very late and we are always home at that time- naturally. They then proceed to wind up the kids and spend 45 minutes saying their goodbyes. Annoying AF.

That would tip me over the edge.

I have very minimal contact with our extended family despite them living nearby. We are just not really part of each other’s lives.

You need to draw a line in the sand and stop all the unannounced visits and make any contact on your terms away from your home.

We never host parents or in-laws and it suits us just fine. We have our own lives to lead and don’t want to be forever inconvenienced.

We don’t do pop ins. They are annoying as fuck. However, once you are doing them, it’s difficult to stop.

Oh hi- it’s not a good time. Perhaps try texting before you’d like to come. This is our down time, have a nice evening, bye.

Shut the door.

Start a new cool down bedtime routine.

MOST weekends??

the dropping in without calling is a bit much to be doing as a regular occurrence.

mow the weather is better I’d just start being busier. So either taking the kids to play in the park until dusk or going out and being social
myself and leaving DH to deal with it.

when DH wants to go visiting send him alone. Go and do more of your own thing. Start cutting it to 2 weekends a month. Then 1.

There was absolutely no need for you to make such a snarky comment to your child, why would you do that?
If you don't want to see your in laws on a weekly basis, don't. Tell your DH to manage the relationship, gwt him to drop in/bring the kids to visit them.

I feel the same about my in laws but only see them maybe once every 2-3 months and only for couple of hours at a time.

Can you limit how often you see them? Most weekends seems excessive.

I see mine once or twice a year. Set your limit

I wouldn’t be seeing them so often. I don’t let any one visit unannounced. It’s just rude to not even phone/text beforehand to ask if it’s ok. Your husband needs to tell them this. If they still keep coming then be out all day for a few weekends so they waste their time and learn to check first.

Omg I would hate that.....lock your doors, close your blinds and pretend you are not in 😂

@eughinlaws I empathise with you. It’s almost like they view you as some sort of entertainment coming around evenings always when you clearly have an important family routine happening. If they were respectful they would be mindful of that.

What does your DH think? Can you not get him to draw up some boundaries re them coming over? He should be on your side supporting what’s best for your little family unit.

You or your DH need to tell them not to drop in just before their bed time as it gets the kids too excited and they don't want to go to bed.

It's your house and you have some say in who visits and when they visit.

Does your husband back you up or does he side with his parents and siblings?