I just can’t stand my in laws

[eughinlaws]

yes yes, I know, it’s probably me. I’m a dragon myself, but honestly? I just can’t stand them.

my MIL gives me that visceral stomach reaction of just wanting to get away from her and not look straight at her.

a lot of things have happened over the years, I’ve posted about some of the situations on here over the years.

the fact remains that we are in each other’s lives and I don’t intend to break up the family or anything but I just don’t feel that any of them are people who have good intentions towards me and bring positivity to my life.

it has become so stale, even with my H’s siblings, who we see quite a bit. But it’s all just so forced / fake / superficial and not at all honest or natural.

but yeah I do see them, most weekends at some point and it’s just so inauthentic for me. I find it really difficult to spend time with people who I essentially know can’t really stand me.

is this just family ? It is isn’t it..

Move further away. PIL live four hours drive away so we don’t see too often.

Tell your husband to tell his parents that it’s not always convenient to pop by unannounced especially around teatime . Let him arrange times in future or he can arrange a time for himself and kids to go there . You don’t have to be present every time . I’m sure if you saw them less it wouldn’t grate on you so much .

OP, you have my sympathy.

I like my in laws, but there is no one I want dropping in after 6 every weekend.
Not a chance.

I actually couldn't live with the stress of being in the company of people as you have described.

Toxic to a nice life and good health.

simple solution you are on a get healthy/ fitness kick and go for a run every night at 6 , buy some groovy trainers leggings and as soon as they arrive throw them on and off you pop for your daily jog ( go for a gin and tonic instead)

can you invent an elderly neighbour who you are suddenly very concerned about who needs errands done and be out seeing to dear old beryl

change your working hours , find Jesus, or start a hobby
literally anything that gives you a good reason to be unavailable around 6 o’clock every weekend

I vote, locked doors, blinds down.

Any money after a few weekends they will get the message…

You tell them no more unannounced visits. They call first.

Simple!

You made a rod for your back and set the habit by allowing this to happen past the first time, when you should have nipped it in the bud. Put on your big woman pants on and say you feel overwhelmed by people just dropping in, you're often busy or need to rest, and they need to phone/text ahead first.

It's really that bloody simple!

What does your Dh think about them coming round unannounced? Surely it’s tea time, bath time etc? That’s really inconsiderate timing. Don’t you say anything? Does your Dh? I’d get him to say it isn’t good timing and they can see them at the weekend etc instead. You have to be on the same page as him. Does he leave you to deal?

I have a competition with myself to see how long I can go without seeing my in-laws. The record (Covid aside) is currently 6 weeks.
thought at the moment I am on 4 weeks and have no plans to see them soon. DH took DS to see them yesterday (I had a headache). So that’s good for another week.

my fil is not to bad but my MIL is a bitch. I wish she would just come out and admit she hates me rather than the falseness. The problem is most people think she is amazing (if only they knew what she says about them behind their back)

Also sil few friends think she is amazing and invite her on nights out and weddings and such. My SIL has always been single and very reliant on her mother. Apparently she lost a lot of friends in the college and uni years due to her always bring mother along. The few friend she has left are a weird as she is and think MIL is a joy. Could be because she always pays the bill for meals and such

I think she thought I would do the same with my mates she did ask a few times at the beginning of mine and DHs relationship

• over my dead body.

Cut the pop ins

And a pp says, they are your DH's problem, not yours

The drop ins need to stop. That’s the only way to limit the frequency and duration of these tedious visits. And it really needs to be your DH backing you up by drawing this boundary and having the convo with his parents . Who the fuck wants to see in-laws multiple times a week (or month !)
My MIL has tried every trick in the book so I’m well versed in CF ILs. If your DH won’t do this… as the old adage goes… you have a DH problem.

@ZekeZekeI literally just meant it how I said it though.

we don’t see MIL during the week, so my child won’t notice her absence, so it’s nothing to be sad about. MIL didn’t even need to say anything about it. It’s just the usual dramatic thing she’d do, to get a reaction. ‘ I’m leaving ! I’m going away ! ‘. It was so unnecessary. All she wanted was the reaction.

I don’t think it’s particularly mean what I said / did. Did you understand the context ?

Definitely do this 😅🤣

I didn’t read it that way at all, I thinks she was just trying to explain the timeframe so that the child would feel better about it.

There was nothing remotely snarky about the comment. It was a reassurance to the dc that grandma going away wouldn’t impact them.

how you see that as snarky is beyond me.

I'm not a fan of DHs siblings except one who actually sticks up for me with them. No PIL as they passed before we met but the siblings are genuinely hostile and rude.
They make it very obvious they don't like me and that's fine.
It's why I don't go to family events. Not if it's for one of them, I'll go if it's a niece or nephew but otherwise fuck that.
You marry your DH, not his family so stop trying to force something that won't make you happy.

OP, you don't have to do things because other people want you to.

I'm not being snarky, and I know it's tough, but that is a fundamental truth.

You'd need to do it incrementally to avoid fuss as far as possible.

I was in a bit of a similar situation & incident happened that caused a fall out & I just decided I had no reason to communicate with them at all so my husband deals with them exclusively (they’re his parents after all); he takes the kids there without me & they stopped coming over as my husband said there was no need as he would bring kids to them..I haven’t seen or spoken with either of them in nearly 5 years & it’s bliss. Just don’t go over there

I think your kids should start doing early evening after school activities.

I’m reading a lot of comments saying seeing them every weekend is excessive. My DH will see his parents every single weekend. Minimum of half a day. Sometimes I go, sometimes I don’t. But if I don’t go, I feel I’m missing out on seeing my DC at the weekend. Is there consensus this is too much…?!

Your dh will become more and more like his patents as he ages. It's just the way things are. Are you prepared for that?

My parents and inlaws all got on my nerves to varying degrees for varying reasons, but I only saw them all 3 to 6 times a year maximum, which made it manageable.

Do you drop in unannounced on them?

If not, it's time to start. Preemptively drop in at 8am in the morning, leave the kids, head to the gym and return at 10am.

Kills three birds with one stone:

• Exercise done for the day.
• They get to see DC.
• They don't need to pop round to yours later on.

It really is.

It’s not for anyone else to say whether it is or not, just because they don’t doesn’t make it too much. Really wouldn’t worry what people who don’t know you think