“I’m autistic and I don’t do that or have that”

[BeGentleTraybake]

I hate it when autistic people with less support needs tell people with more support needs that they are making a big deal out of something. Or call out another autistic person who has more issues with communication for being rude or saying something that comes across the wrong way. I hate it when autistic people assume that every other autistic person is just like them and must behave just like them and knows what is right and wrong. It’s clear the needs aren’t the same.

On behalf of every single autistic person in the whole world, I apologise.

🙄

When you have met one person with autism you have met one person with autism.

but it’s worth remembering that due to their needs they may find it harder to understand that.

I don't think I've ever met an Autistic person who thinks that. NTs on the other hand...

Just ignore them. Honestly.
Shrug and say "Whatever".
Don't let these ignorant comments get to you.
This goes on everywhere - people criticising each other in all walks of life.
I actually think we're having a 'criticism crisis' in our society. So many people are hell bent on criticising others.
It's horrible. I see it and hear it all the time.
The world would be an easier place if we all just live and let live.

There's a thing where some people do the whole "oh you're more/less disabled and deserve/don't deserve x, y and z.

It's not confined to the autistic community

But they are autistic, so they won't always be able to interact with you in the way you expect.

Finding it difficult to "put yourself in their shoes" is literally a symptom of autism so YABU.

That is my point. I am autistic, and I hate it when I say something wrong and then people say something along the lines of “I am autistic and I wouldn’t say anything like that or say something in that way. I know better, and therefore you knew better and will always be able to know what is correct to say in every context, and if you don’t it’s intentional”

Autistic people tend to emphasise by talking about their own experiences on a topic. It can come across as rudeness to others. I am Autistic and have been accused of this many times before.

You're doing the same. You're hating something you're doing yourself.

I actually think you might be being unreasonable but accept that I don't know because I'm not autistic.

A part of a lot of autistic people I know is that they think that if they know something then everyone else is aware too. Eg, I had a child leave the room without asking and when I asked him where he'd been he said the toilet. I told him he needed to let me know and he looked genuinely confused and said 'why didn't you know? I knew and you're a teacher.' Obviously in an adult that kind of thinking would be much more nuanced but I think there's still an element of it there for a lot of people.

I hate when an autistic person uses their own perspectives to invalidate mine. If they know something, they act like I also Must know and if I don’t, then I’m actually out of line intentionally. Even though the nature of autism means that I have issues with communication. And they happen to have less of those issues

Maybe have conversations about other things rather than how autistic you and the other person are?

That's theory of mind deficit. You're saying you hate it when an autistic person behaves in an autistic way.

What should I do if an another autistic person, again, invalidates my perspective with their own perspective? Because so far, they have only gotten offended and argued with me

But they are autistic so by definition they probably won't grasp why you do things differently.

And since you are also autistic you can't necessarily see why they think that way.

There is a tendency among people generally, and perhaps even more so among people with autism, to fail to recognise their privilege- assuming that what they find easy is easy for everyone else if only they tried harder.

‘I don’t mind music in shops, you’re being over sensitive, use headphones and get over it.’

I don’t find it helpful to engage. Just let it go. Let them be wrong. That’s ok.

Tell them that everyone is entitled to their own perspective on things, so both need to accept that you are different.

As a diagnosed autistic person I don’t think it’s necessary for anyone to be rude. It’s entirely possible to learn how to behave politely.

I’ve always said that autism is not an excuse to be an arsehole so I don’t think there is a problem with calling people out if they are being arseholes. Different doesn’t have to mean unpleasant.

I have certainly used that phrase in posts but more to point out that not all autistic people are the same which is what your are saying

For example a thread saying well because he/she/I am autistic that is why xxx happens. To that I would reply well I am autistic and I don’t do that or experience that

I totally see where you are coming from: you are confronted with someone who BOTH thinks differently than you about something AND can't see that anyone thinks differently from them..

You are lucky in that you ARE able to see that people think differently from each other. Can you live with them not thinking like you? I recognise that knowing it happens isn't the same as being able to live with it but it helps.

I guess it also depends on what it is. If it's "I like lemons so everyone has to like lemons" ok then.
But if it's "I'm your boss and I think it's quick and easy to calculate pi to 100 decimal places so you must find it easy too" we might have a problem.

But you’re doing the same. And how do you know they have less support needs than you?

Agree with this.

I also have been irritated with people telling me that their support needs must be greater than mine because I disagree with them (when actually it’s that I find different things difficult). Competitive autisming isn’t something I find helpful (and I’m not sure many people do but I don’t want to speak for everyone)

I think it's apart of the condition though isn't it ? Then inability to process certain things about other people I always think the same when somebody says "my child's autistic & they don't do this/that" like yep. There's probably mild family history...