“I’m autistic and I don’t do that or have that”

[BeGentleTraybake]

I hate it when autistic people with less support needs tell people with more support needs that they are making a big deal out of something. Or call out another autistic person who has more issues with communication for being rude or saying something that comes across the wrong way. I hate it when autistic people assume that every other autistic person is just like them and must behave just like them and knows what is right and wrong. It’s clear the needs aren’t the same.

Another ASD bashing thread, how original.

Ok I’ll take that on board

Perhaps it's because they are autistic

You're behaving in the same way as they are, you just don't see it.

I'm autistic too and sometimes you just have to agree to disagree. It took me a long time to learn that lesson and I don't always get it right even now.

Amen!

I kind of get what you're saying OP because it's often said by parents of autistic DC, who are not autistic themselves.

"Well my child is autistic and they cope perfectly fine!"

Or worse "We wouldn't let our autistic child get away with that".

Diagnosed autistic here. Just say "well, we appear to experience things differently", then change the subject to something more benign. There's no point in being offended, we can't control how other people think and respond to us.

YANBU, but it isn't just about autism. It can apply to any form of disability; to being a member of an ethnic minority; very often to having grown up in poverty; etc.. 'Well, I managed, so why can't everyone else?'

Most autistic people I have met tend to have their point of view , gibber on about it (including me) and also nod to others points of view. I have not been completely dismissed by other autistic folk as I have been NT's . I had a woman I was volunteering with at a SEEN children's group yelling at me the other day , "Why can't you learn to drive ? What's stopping you?" She was nosy as hell and asking me loads of questions. And I am meant to be the blunt one and she is meant to be the SEEN expert. I give up sometimes.

I have experienced this at work from someone who is not even diagnosed - she was then shocked when I turned around and explained, that a) I too am ND, and I actually have a diagnosis

However- I do this her being so rigid about her needs and there is absolutely things she can not do - but expects everyone else to do for her (despite being able to do the tasks previously) is actually a bit of a symptom of her autism.

the problem is about communicating and she is adamant that she can not help being aggressive and shouting at people as it is her autism - yet this triggers so many other employees with other needs

shes decided and now it is so, if you understand me - still she needs to understand their is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour- aggression is not acceptable etc etc

I only put YABU because those kinds of communication problems are exactly the kind of thing people with autism are likely to get wrong. So they can understand their own situation but can’t understand yours. To be honest most people seem to struggle to see the world from other’s point of view.

Ironically acceptance of difference seems to go hand in hand with strict language rules so it’s more easy to offend people now. We need to all chill a bit and start from the assumption that people are just trying to get along and not deliberately causing offence.

It's not intentional on their part, either. You're expecting them to know that you're invalidating you, that they must know they're doing it and as they must know, they're therefore out of line intentionally. Even the though the nature of autism means that they have issues with communication.

Great, another Autism-bashing thread. Ffs. Always on a weekend

Say "and if my grandmother had wheels she'd be a bicycles " in a strong Italian accent.

I heard Gimp D aCampo say it once and now I say it to disagree with anything.

Not all NTs think alike…

But here you are, an autistic person calling out other autistic people for not understanding or getting something wrong.

A lot of autistic people lack insight into their difficulties and lack self awareness when they say/do the wrong thing.

How about showing some understanding of that yourself. You can't dictate how other people see things, you can only influence your own behaviour & how you react to things.

Autistic people might think something. But they don’t have to go around telling people that their version of autism is wrong. Most autistic people are quite capable of shutting up

That goes for the OP too.

I think, unfortunately, you will encounter this and there’s little you can do about it. As you know, autistic people can be very direct, rigid and very focused on their own perspective (though not always), so it shouldn’t be a surprise.

Exactly. I had a "friend" with one of the disabilities I have. She couldn't understand why I was struggling with something she manages perfectly well. Because of my other disabilities, I struggle with things she doesn't which she can't grasp

Who are these people that you're hanging out with? They sound a bit annoying and invalidating - could you hang out with other people instead? Or else say something like "well it's good for you that you don't need XX/don't have a problem with XX, but I do. I'm sure there are things you struggle with that I don't" and then move the conversation on to something else

I haven’t encountered that. It’s normally someone saying something like my nephew/ random kid I know doesn’t do that/have issues with that.

Are they actually diagnosed autistic or just saying that they are to justify them telling you what you should and shouldn't do?

Autism, by its' very definition, is a disorder that means you have an issue with communication. It's very normal for them to get it wrong and not shut up when they should (says she who is autistic and still hasn't learned when to pack it in).

Isn't this human nature to a degree though. There are plenty of confrontational NT people around ready to impose their views/superiority on other NT's. I mean, an extrovert NT person is just as likely to rip the piss out of an introverted NT for example. Or mock someone who isn't good at (French, baking, IT, fashion - whatever). Human beings can be shitty.