Mum talks over me

[Creek2025]

Anyone’s else’s mum just talks over them.

I live away from my home and visit twice a year.

I stay at my mums which is nice of her to let me however all she does is talk at me never asks how I am, what I’ve been up to etc.

She tells me the same stories over again and has to tell me every single word he or she says it’s been like this for years and I just don’t have the patience for it anymore it’s draining.

If try to speak she talks over me even when me and my brother are talking she chips in talks louder then us and takes over. She just has no interest unless it’s about her or something in her life.

She also doesn’t like to go anywhere I suggest that we go for a walk or lunch or shopping anything to get out of the house and she just won’t I hate to sit in to be talked at when I’m only back for 4-6 days when I’m back.

I also like to see my friends for a yearly catchup and she pulls her face which then makes me feel bad going out for a few hours to catch up with people but I am a fully grown adult.

Anyone been in similar situations how do you address it without coming across as being mean?

I hate feeling like I’m trapped in the house it’s really not enjoyable and makes me not want to visit.

You only visit twice a year, so it's not it's a daily thing.

Plan your visits in future if you want to catch up with other people.

Arrange to stay with your mum on Saturday night and Sunday night. Suggest you get to her Saturday evening. Stay elsewhere on Friday night and see other people on Friday and Saturday.

It's fairly easy to resolve.

I would limit the time spent in her actual house. So stay in an air bnb or hotel say two nights and catch up with all your friends etc, stay with her one day and one night and then do more of the catching up with others. If you need to stay for 5-6 days to make the trip worthwhile then simply lesson the time with her.

It is ingrained behaviour and she has probably always been like that but you could actually tell her you are not finished talking yet or get up and leave the room if she keeps doing it. It sounds infuriating.

My mum talks over me and it’s really frustrating. She also finishes my sentences, which is something it has taken me years to shake as I picked up the habit from her. I just wait until she has finished and then pick up from where she has interrupted me.

Same here. Medication helps me from losing my shit and saying something I can't take back. Tried everything else but didn't work.

I symapathise. When i see my mum she can't do the normal pleasantries she just launches into whatever she needs to say, all about her, like a massive download. I've been back from holiday nearly a month now and she's not once asked about it, not even did you have a good holiday. The first time I saw her which was unexpectedly when i was out and about , she didn't even say hello, just launched into a tale of woe as she had a cold, started crying in the street.

I wouldn't keep talking over her, just stop talking. She won't notice or care but you will expend less energy. And as other posters have said, limit you time with her even more, don;t stay with her. Do whatever you need to in order to stop getting wound up. Accept the behaviour, its not right but you won't change her.

I have the same issue and it drives me MENTAL especially as I’m partially deaf. Every so often I break and snap at her about it but I can only take so much. It’s got to the point where if I have something to tell her, I have to pre-construct my sentences to make sure the important part is within the first few words, otherwise it won’t be heard because she will have jumped in by then. It’s exhausting

My dad used to do this - I HATED it!

’Dad, I’m just going to -‘
’Tesco’
’post a letter, actually.’

YANBU, @Creek2025 , not sure why people of a certain age do this, but they do!

Is she physically much smaller by any chance. No more than a child, some smaller people who are surrounded by much bigger people all the time, can start acting like a child sometimes because they feel a bit taken care of or protected by the biggies. You could make sure you're listening to her when she talks too in case she's finding it hard to get heard herself, putting up boundaries and repeating them where necessary. She could also be excited to see you too and can't stop herself. I agree that it is annoying though and disrespectful whether she realises it or not. You could gently repeat yourself, are you listening to me at all, in a kinder voice. She might get the hint if you repeat it

My dad does this to me too. I hate it too. Especially when it's in front of others

I think it's quite a common thing as our parents age sadly, both my mum and MIL do this. Both of them are pretty deaf but won't admit it and conversation is so difficult because they lose the thread and can't follow what people are saying. They tell the same old stories as I think those memories are stronger in their mind than what they did yesterday or last week. They also tell me mundane details about people I don't know which is very dull! I just smile and nod along and keep visits shortish 🤷‍♀️

Oops I'm the verbally full on DM.
I'm awaiting an ADHD assessment this week.
Also I do it out of excitement, loneliness and a desire to connect with my dcs.
I would plan to visit others and remember it's only twice a year.

It's so reassuring to know it's not just me!!! I love my Mum to bits. Despite travelling extensively I'm incredibly invested in her well being and life. I chose to live 8 doors away but sometimes, very very occasionally I am envious about others who can just dip in and out of their mother's lives!

I don’t understand why you can’t just say ‘Mum, you’re not letting me get in a word edgewise, please can I say something now.’ Repeat until she gets the message.

If she still does it, when she won’t stop taking, get up and leave the room. Every time.

It doesn’t make any difference! I must say this 3/4 times a visit and I get an eye roll or “oh okkkk” and then it continues. It’s certainly not sufficient to go NC (especially as she is mine and my DD’s only living family member).

My Mum is not like this at all and she’s 87. I’ve never met anyone like this, and I’m curious as to what may cause someone to behave this way?

for me a combination of her being mortally wounded and explaining to me why I am wrong and mostly because I just can’t be arsed she’s not worth the emotional investment. She’s not interested in me. It would be like asking a cat why they don’t know how to play the guitar. She’s not capable.

Complete self absorption in my mothers case , not being able to grasp that I’m a different person than her (very enmeshed childhood) and an assumption I’m there to soothe her so her news and emotions are paramount. Definitely not old age.

no doubt caused in part by her shit childhood.

Stay in a hotel. I have found this extremely liberating since mum downsized and smokes like a chimney, so I no longer stay at hers. Blissful! Then you see her when it's convenient and your mates when you want.

Maybe you are the problem

Maybe you are the problem. Maybe she places no value on what you have to say.

Everyone I speak to moans that their elderley parents do this. Twice a year isn’t much to put up with. I have it several times a week - talking over me about irrelevant shit on tv or the Daily Mail when I’m talking about their grandchildren. Do what I do - suck it up buttercup. Try not to take it personally.

Go on your daily walks and visits, ignore any silly behaviour

Have a kind chat with her and ask her not to interrupt you and could she ask you questions about yourself to create a two way conversation. However it’s possible she’s on the autistic spectrum and may or may not be able to make the changes you need.

What a mean thing to say!

she has said worse

It's not age-related at all, t's just what some people do. Just like the ones who always contradict another's view.

The few people I know who do this have done it all the time I've known them, age range from mid-20s to early 50s.