Mum talks over me

[Creek2025]

Anyone’s else’s mum just talks over them.

I live away from my home and visit twice a year.

I stay at my mums which is nice of her to let me however all she does is talk at me never asks how I am, what I’ve been up to etc.

She tells me the same stories over again and has to tell me every single word he or she says it’s been like this for years and I just don’t have the patience for it anymore it’s draining.

If try to speak she talks over me even when me and my brother are talking she chips in talks louder then us and takes over. She just has no interest unless it’s about her or something in her life.

She also doesn’t like to go anywhere I suggest that we go for a walk or lunch or shopping anything to get out of the house and she just won’t I hate to sit in to be talked at when I’m only back for 4-6 days when I’m back.

I also like to see my friends for a yearly catchup and she pulls her face which then makes me feel bad going out for a few hours to catch up with people but I am a fully grown adult.

Anyone been in similar situations how do you address it without coming across as being mean?

I hate feeling like I’m trapped in the house it’s really not enjoyable and makes me not want to visit.

My dm is like this. As soon as I walk in the door, it is a several hour monologue of what she has done/seen/thought since I visited. Long repetitive stories about people I have never met, or who I have a vague connection to e.g. someone whose daughter was 2 years above me at school. If I try to make it a conversation, give an opinion, broaden the topic etc then I am shut down and it quickly reverts back to being all about her.

I have accepted that this is who she is, she is too old now to change so it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. She sees me as “daughter” i.e. someone who is there to listen, agree to what ever she says and do what she says. My dm is just not capable of seeing me as an actual person, with thoughts & needs of my own and she is too old now to be able to change.

I think once I accepted her limitations & that it wasn’t going to change, then it became easier. I keep my visits shorter as well so it is easier to tolerate - I always have an exit strategy!

My Mum talks over me when she doesn't want to hear what i have to say.
This can include all manner of things including but not limited to:

• Me mentioning my birthday because my sister doesn't have friends and so her birthday wasn't social.

-any mention of liking my Dad or anything nice about him (she hates him)

• Anything that is a success in my life especially career (she's jealous and thinks women shouldn't work)

-Anything that implies my dc like me.

Basically she just doesn't want to hear what i have to say so drowns me out with tales of Beryl's knee replacement or Carol's husband's heart operation.

I'm used to it now and prepare myself but i only see her every couple of months now. I do not stay over night now either.

What by wanting to get to the end of a sentence before she’s interrupted?

Snap. Mine makes stupid cliched statements or gives you a fact and if you ask about that fact she just says ii don’t know and carries on about another subject.

phone calls will start with - it’s me , what I need you to do is……..

Oh my GOD i could have wrote this. I tell my mum something especially on the phone she either a) doesn’t actually listen or b) pretends not to have heard? So I have to repeat myself maybe 6/7 times or she just talks over and steers the convo towards herself / and or a snarky comment about me. I love my mum but I also fucking hate her.

Same here no overnights no staying just a few hours every maybe 6-12 months on neutral ground. Suits me fine.

OP, does your DM live alone? It could be a manifestation of loneliness - I had both an Aunt and a MIL who really wanted to give a monologue of what they had been doing - they wanted to talk at you rather than talk to you- and I came to the conclusion that it was as a result of them living alone: they didn’t get much chance to talk to people so when they had a captive audience, they made the most of it. If this is your DM, then I think you have to try to be understanding. If you have people to talk to in your life, you have no idea of what it’s like for people who are by nature communicative but have no-one to talk to. I am fortunate enough to have a DH, but I begin to see it with my DSis who lives by herself.

Who does she get to tell stories to/ vent at daily? Myself and my dh aren’t in a good place and now I find I’ve a ‘store’ of all the little things that happen daily that I’d have told him about. Also she probably has very little practice in talking to people (Apologies if she lives with people/ still works, then it’s not as applicable)

My mum used to make me feel guilty for going to visit friends etc, she shouldn’t but I kind of get it- she’s excited you’re there and you’re excited to go see someone else! Could you not visit more or else visit for less time and spend eg the spare day with friends or something? It is hard but I’d guess she just misses you

A dear friend of mine does this. I’ve known her nearly 50 years, but it has been very noticeable over the last few times we’ve met. Recently I was visiting her and her DD was there with the grandchildren. My friend was asking lots of questions of both me and her daughter but talking over us both. Finally her daughter lost patience and in frustration told her mother not to talk over her. I think my friend got the point. It is habitual in her but I think she got the message. I’m not sure how easily or how much things have changed since, but I was so proud of her daughter for speaking out. My friend has long had anxiety issues and I suspect this prevents her from listening sometimes.

Could you just tell your mother not to talk over you, or do you think she would react badly?

For what it's worth I have been diagnosed with hyperactive impulsive ADHD.
I posted upthread about interrupting and talking over people.

My dad used to do this - I HATED it!
’Dad, I’m just going to -‘
’Tesco’
’post a letter, actually.’

Look up the Two Ronnies sketches on Youtube where Ronnie Corbett's character talks very slowly and Ronnie Barker's character tries to finish his sentences. Very funny, if a little too accurate.

My sister did the talking over me thing for years - phone and in person.
She is now quite severely deaf, but was probably hard of hearing for many years.

Doesn't explain the moodiness over you having other things to do when at DM's. but could be part of the problem?

Yes. My mum did this to.me all my life. Worrying trait. Later realised she'd been masking insecurities for years and chatted away to cover. She then drifted off into dementia. As frustrating as she was to live with, with hindsight and reflection, I'd love to have the chance to have her chattering away at me again and get her some help earlier on, before it was too late.

I'm pretty sure that most people who do this are lonely. As for the constant repetition of stories that you've heard over, and over, and over again, I went though this, when my DM hit her 70's, it used to drive me nuts, but I felt bad about it, so spoke to a friend who was 20 years older than me and asked for her advice. What she said really hit home - she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "I just wish my Mum was still here to talk to me". Believe me, all those of you who find this irritating, chances are, you will really miss your Mum's when they're gone, so try practicing a bit of patience, as it's only if we're lucky that we get to this stage in life, so make the most of them while they're still here.