Husband having a 'lie in'

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Not sure if I am being unreasonable.

Dh never bloody gets up in the morning and it drives me mad.

Yesterday he slept in until 10:30ish. He had a golf tee booked for the afternoon so he barely had any time to get stuff done. Got home at 7.

This morning. I woke at 7 and got up did the dishwasher, sorted the dogs, washing etc.

Alarm goes off at 8 - I had set it just in case I slept in which I never do and he says that he hardly slept last night and wanted to lie in. He was meant to be coming to watch DD in her hobby but he'll come another week.

I reacted along the lines of fine don't come, but you can go and get the food shopping and sort washing etc save dragging DD along.

I'm then told that he can have a lie in, it's his day off etc etc. I lost my shit and we've had a huge row in which I called him a fucking man child and that I'm not wasting my life while he lies in bed.

He reluctantly got up and is now mowing the lawn but is acting very hard done by.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?

He's 49 and does work full time in a high pressure job so no issues with work etc.

if he works full time in a high pressure job I would appreciate that he might enjoy a lie in. He should attend DD’s events, however if he does attend some I wouldn’t be too worried.

You should have course be getting equal free time at a weekend and do equal amounts of house stuff. If you just have 1 DD then he needs to take her every other week 🤷‍♀️ and the other perhaps do the food shop then.

you should take it in turns to have a lie in / lazy morning

Bloody Hell, unwind a bit. Nothing stopping you having a lie in too if you want to. Feed and let the dogs out, then go back to bed.

But every week? When does OP get a lie in?

Yes it sounds frustrating and it’s understandable that you’re angry. Have you tried being curious about what’s going on and communicating calmly?

Have you asked him for what you need - down time for you, equal responsibility for jobs round the house, for him to care more about DC etc?

Why didn’t he sleep much last night? Is he worried about something, stressed, drinking too much?

Why does he generally sleep in? Is he depressed? Does he enjoy family/home life? What could change to make him more keen to start his day and take the lead on some things?

He had a lie in yesterday. Why does he need another?

My DH does this. Watches TV til late then sleeps in. Missing out on having fun with the kids in the morning.

What's the point of having kids if your main goal is to sleep in bed all morning and work long hours and just do stuff without them! Or just sit shit-scrolling on a phone and not joining in with them. Hate it.

I haven't voted as I think YABOTH BU

You need a calm conversation about better division of weekend labours.

Decide about lie ins and decide about who takes children where and when..

On he surface he is NU to want a lie in. However you are NU to want some support in getting life sorted

You are Both VERY Unreasonable in how you went about getting your way..

Do you work? How old are the children? Who decides to get dogs when one side of the couple works long hours? I read that daily on here.
Every parent should be taking an interest in their children, there should be a level of involvement. Sometimes, full time working parents don't have time for outside hobbies. The rest can't be answered unless more info is given.

Who takes care of the children? Who takes them to were they need to go?

How old is dd?
Does she need someone to get up early and make breakfast ect or is it just the hobby on a weekend day?

I do think you should both get a weekend morning to spend how you want...if he wants to do that by having a lie in then I don't see the issue?

But it should alternate who takees dd to hobby

In terms of the shopping ect, why could he not do that later when he gets up? Why does he have to get up and do it now?

I work full time and do chores often on the weekend but I do it in my own time (other than timed stuff like kids hobbies) I'd be annoyed if my husband tried to tell me what time I had to do things.

As you have already pointed out, there is no info on this. For all we know the child or children could be 17!

What on earth is wrong with a lie in once a week? Just because you don't enjoy them doesn't mean he can't.

If you have a young child it is unfair for one parent to leave the whole morning to one parent.

My child is usually up at 6am. If my husband decided he was staying in bed til 1030 i would be a bit annoyed. Luckily he gets up as he is a parent too. We also try and give each other an hour to ourselves at the weekend to do our own thing. (Outside of lie ins)

As a 41 year old with a high pressured job I like a long lie in on a weekend. I'm up at 5 during the week where as husband gets up at 0730 during the week. Whoever is up first sorts the dogs, they tend to like a lie in on a weekend too. Weekends don't need to be crammed. When DD was growing up where possible we avoided activities/clubs on a weekend because we didn't want to be locked into early weekend commitments. If he's having a lie in its probably because he's tired.

You are not being unreasonable in that he should be pulling his weight at home. If you feel he does nothing to help the house run smoothly, then you should be pointing it out.

If you have had many conversations along these lines and nothing works, then you do what you need to. Spell it out.

But if this is the first conversation you have had with him, and have just been festering on it, then it was possibly a bit harsh.

Context is the thing.

But as someone else said, you could do the dogs then go back to bed. The dishwasher won't combust if you don't empty it on the dot of 7.00 a.m.

How you run your life is very much in your control, don't fall into a martyr pit, it quite difficult to get out of it.

What do you do for work op? How old are the children?

Why does everything have to be done at 8 in the morning

I was going to ask the same. My daughters are primary and nursey age and I work 0.75fte, so if my DH always stayed in bed while I got up if be pissed off.

But if DD is older and less reliant on you both, and OP also works I'd say why don't you also have a lie in! I know I would if I could 😁

It doesn’t. It’s an opportunity to create unnecessary drama.

My answer depends on how old DD is.

2 year old, he’s a dick.

12 year old, he’s not.

This depends on all the context.
age of dd, how many hours you both work etc

if you have no free time at all because of this to do anything to want to do, then yanbu

if you do, but you’re getting cross because he wants to spend his free time doing something different to what you want to do, then Yabu.

More detail needed here.

Do you work?
How old are the kids and do they need someone to get up with them?

Do you actually want a lie in or do you just want him to get up with you?

Why do you need to be up early? How old are your children?

I leave OH in bed every week to take DC to a hobby. Youngest DC is 7 and can entertain herself with the TV for a bit, no big deal. Yesterday we were both up at 7.30 for hobbies and tasks...today we both slept in until 10.30.

Not seeing the issue unless your children are very young

Yes a lot more detail needed here. How many children and what ages? Do you work full time and get any downtime?
There could be so many variations to the answer without more context.

This threw me back to my childhood and teenagehood. My mother could NOT lie in bed and got up at 6am every day, weekend and holidays included. And then she'd make sure that my brother and I ALSO got up, because she was up and there was 'so much to do'. There was not. She just had a lot of time to fill and would find things for us to do when we'd much rather have been slobbing in our bedrooms like normal kids.

Of course, this may not be OPs situation, but it did remind me of it.