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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband having a 'lie in'

46 replies

Blankscreen · 11/05/2025 09:34

Not sure if I am being unreasonable.

Dh never bloody gets up in the morning and it drives me mad.

Yesterday he slept in until 10:30ish. He had a golf tee booked for the afternoon so he barely had any time to get stuff done. Got home at 7.

This morning. I woke at 7 and got up did the dishwasher, sorted the dogs, washing etc.

Alarm goes off at 8 - I had set it just in case I slept in which I never do and he says that he hardly slept last night and wanted to lie in. He was meant to be coming to watch DD in her hobby but he'll come another week.

I reacted along the lines of fine don't come, but you can go and get the food shopping and sort washing etc save dragging DD along.

I'm then told that he can have a lie in, it's his day off etc etc. I lost my shit and we've had a huge row in which I called him a fucking man child and that I'm not wasting my life while he lies in bed.

He reluctantly got up and is now mowing the lawn but is acting very hard done by.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?

He's 49 and does work full time in a high pressure job so no issues with work etc.

OP posts:
OuijaBoard · 11/05/2025 13:09

Stop micromanaging him. If he's 49 and handles a demanding professional role, he can figure out how to have a lie in, play golf, and still manage his household and parenting responsibilities. If he's lying in when he's promised to be up and about for a specific reason like going to daughter'a activity, doing some pre-planned activity with you, etc. then I'd complain, but otherwise I'd leave him to it.

This assumes that you each know/agree to what your fair share of the household/childcare tasks means and how frequently they need to be done. If that's not been established or he's not consistently doing his part then that's a much bigger issue which needs to be seriously discussed between you two.

Parttimerconfusion · 11/05/2025 13:43

i would maybe apologise and say you got really wound up and shouldn’t have shouted but the under lying issue is still present. You acknowledge he’s got a busy job and on a weekend you think you should share lie ins (in parent Saturday the other Sunday) however it’s till 9ish to avoid clashing with other activities.

Have a rota on what needs doing and aline it on the Friday to split tasks.

OP I feel you might have took lots on and got angry in your head without communicating so it maybe came out the blue to your DH. Not sticking up for him at all but I do think the communication style has caused issues here

BoundaryGirl3939 · 11/05/2025 13:48

Setting an alarm for 8 on a Sunday morning would irritate me. He deserves a lie in. We all do on a Sunday.
Perhaps he is not pulling his weight in other areas but the early morning starts at the weekend would make me resentful.

Original poster
Blankscreen · 11/05/2025 13:54

Children are 11 and 14 so fairy self sufficient but equally just sit scrolling iPads/phone if left to it.

I also work and am responsible pretty much for all.shopping, cooking, dogs and laundry in the week.

I gave up bothering with a lie in years ago as nothing would have been done and I,"d end up playing catch up for the rest of the day.

In the week he never get up to sort the children before school. He literally gets up by the skin of his teeth to sort himself.out to start work. His lunch hour is used for going to the gym and then he works until about 7 pm

OP posts:
WinterMorn · 11/05/2025 14:00

After reading your update, there is a definite hint of martyrdom in your post. Relax a bit.

andtheworldrollson · 11/05/2025 14:00

One lie in a week is fine - any more and he needs to get to bed earlier- no ifs no buts

because of course he is tired if he doesn’t get up at the same time at the weekend as during the week - it’s well know you feel less tired if you do the same sleep pattern each day

MrsKeats · 11/05/2025 14:13

Given the update you need to chill a bit. Why are you setting an alarm on a Sunday when you don’t need to?

AliBaliBee1234 · 11/05/2025 14:13

How old is your DD?

Createausername1970 · 11/05/2025 14:21

From the update I think you fell into doing everything when the kids were younger and now you can't stop doing it even though it's winding you up and unnecessary.

Talk to your DH and sort out when he gets a lie-in and when you do. And while you are sorting this out, talk about a fairer division of household tasks. He should be doing more, but if you have historically taken the attitude that "you have to do it because it wouldn't get done otherwise" then you can't totally blame him. But, as long as it gets done, it doesn't matter whether it's to his timescale or yours.

Mandylovescandy · 11/05/2025 14:21

Mine also likes to stay in bed on weekend, DC younger and he is happy to have an opinion that they shouldn't be on screens for ages in the morning but not to get up and enforce this. I don't actually want a lie in so I don't mind unless he is criticising what I am doing when he could get up and do it better if he prefers. I think it sounds like h your DP doesn't do much in the way of chores or give you any downtime so I would try to change this bit and not worry about the lie in so much

arethereanyleftatall · 11/05/2025 14:29

Do you work full time?

ASGIRC · 11/05/2025 14:50

I only have one baby, but I get up late on weekends. After breakfast both baby and I stay in bed and we get a long nap, until roughly lunchtime.

Everything else can be sorted after! I mean, obviously someone needs to deal with the dogs, but maybe your kids can start having that responsability. Theyre definitely old enough.

I tend to reset the house before bed, including laundry (as in, I put the clothes in the machine and set it to run in the middle of the night/to be done by morning) which means I usually wake up to a decently tidy house

Picklechicken · 11/05/2025 14:53

With children 11 plus - there is absolutely no need for everyone to be up at the crack of dawn (7am ish) to be doing everything. Madness.

Gowlett · 11/05/2025 14:53

DH likes to lie in bed at the weekend. I like to get up.
I get the housework done, entertain DS. It is unfair…

But I make sure to ask for a night to myself every week.

Picklechicken · 11/05/2025 14:55

Blankscreen · 11/05/2025 13:54

Children are 11 and 14 so fairy self sufficient but equally just sit scrolling iPads/phone if left to it.

I also work and am responsible pretty much for all.shopping, cooking, dogs and laundry in the week.

I gave up bothering with a lie in years ago as nothing would have been done and I,"d end up playing catch up for the rest of the day.

In the week he never get up to sort the children before school. He literally gets up by the skin of his teeth to sort himself.out to start work. His lunch hour is used for going to the gym and then he works until about 7 pm

Nothing wrong with older kids having some time on their gadgets just scrolling etc if the rest of the time they’re doing other stuff. You need to unclench. Have a lie in yourself.

3luckystars · 11/05/2025 14:58

You need a lie in. That’s what wrong here.

Good luck.

Motherknowsrest · 11/05/2025 14:58

Yanbu. I had one of these. He refused to parent in the morning on a work day as he was too busy, I worked PT. He also refused to get up at weekends or on annual leave as he wanted to lie in and rest.

As a result he's not seen the dc's in over a decade now 🤷‍♀️.

Whaleandsnail6 · 11/05/2025 15:08

Given the ages of your kids, yabu about his lie in. No reason to be up so early if not going anywhere.

It sounds like there needs to be a better split of facilitating kids hobbies and housework but I think thats a separate issue to his lie in.

If he was doing his Share of housework, then it doesn't matter if he did his jobs at 8am or 8pm as long as he did them.

ruethewhirl · 11/05/2025 15:12

KarmenPQZ · 11/05/2025 09:39

You should have course be getting equal free time at a weekend and do equal amounts of house stuff. If you just have 1 DD then he needs to take her every other week 🤷‍♀️ and the other perhaps do the food shop then.

you should take it in turns to have a lie in / lazy morning

Edited

This. I think he's entitled to a lie-in if he wants one, but so are you (or some other form of downtime if you don't enjoy lie-ins).

I could be wrong but I feel like I'm also sensing some weaponised incompetence on his part? You sound quite driven and conscious of everything that needs doing, and I'm wondering whether that's down to him not pulling his weight?

user2848502016 · 11/05/2025 15:13

Blankscreen · 11/05/2025 13:54

Children are 11 and 14 so fairy self sufficient but equally just sit scrolling iPads/phone if left to it.

I also work and am responsible pretty much for all.shopping, cooking, dogs and laundry in the week.

I gave up bothering with a lie in years ago as nothing would have been done and I,"d end up playing catch up for the rest of the day.

In the week he never get up to sort the children before school. He literally gets up by the skin of his teeth to sort himself.out to start work. His lunch hour is used for going to the gym and then he works until about 7 pm

This is your problem then, one lie in a week is fine as long as he pulls his weight otherwise. He obviously doesn’t so that’s what needs sorting out

Sera1989 · 11/05/2025 15:16

I get the impression that the lie in has tipped you over the edge but the real issue is that you do all the housework and he is not pulling his weight. Of course one lie in is fine and you are entitled to one too, but it sounds as though a lot of his time at home is spent in bed, sometimes to the detriment of others (e.g. not watching DD at her hobby). This would annoy me too

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