Cutlery AIBU

[WhyNotUsehis]

So 'conversation' this evening as to why my DH won't set the table while I'm preparing dinner - it's basically because I'm too critical

As in when he sets the table he doesn't pay attention to the cutlery he's setting out, so you could get a
Dessert fork with a dinner knife or vice versa
Or two different types of cutlery, so a square edged knife with a rounded fork

To me, this just feels lopsided/unbalanced when I'm eating, I prefer the cutlery in each hand to be a similar size/shape- so I end up swapping my cutlery for something that feels right

Anyone else like this, or am I too fussy?

Why? Why does it matter? Why does it have to be important to him?

In this house it's a success if no one gets the cat food fork

Nah of course the cutlery has to be the same.. this would bug me too 😅

@WhyNotUsehis the desert fork business for a main meal would annoy me too. Square or rounded ends wouldn't bother me.

Why are we assuming the OP 1) hasn't sorted her cutlery drawer and 2) is responsible for that in the first place?

Granted, if the cutlery is all in one mixed drawer, then, OP, it needs sorting out. But if it's because he grabs it from the dishwasher/drying rack and doesn't look, or he doesn't notice which section of the drawer he's getting it from, then that's on him.

And yes, it is annoying - there's a reason you use paired knives and forks, and it's because they work together!

It might not be important to him but it is important to his wife, who is making his dinner after all. Is it too much to expect him to set the table how she likes it? She's asking for matching cutlery, not candelabra and a string quartet.

And I don't know why you're telling me what goes on in your house - if you're happy with it then crack on.

This 'it makes me happy and therefore you should do it ', even for something which is no skin off the other person's nose, is incredibly manipulative

I’m usually a pretty pedantic person but the shapes and sizes of cutlery wouldn’t annoy me, so I would make setting the table your job as you’re the only one who wants it done a certain way

Manipulative? She's manipulating him into setting her place at the table with a matching knife and fork, while she's making his dinner?

You're either at the wind up, or you're the OP's husband.

And I'll tell you what IS manipulative: repeatedly doing something in such a way so that you get out of having to do it again.

I am willing to bet if OP said her DH liked the table set a certain way she would be told he should do it himself then, regardless of who was cooking.

Perhaps he can set the table bar your cutlery.

What kind of weird higgglety pigglety mess is your cutlery drawer. Why don’t you have a separate section for each different piece so that dessert forks are nowhere near the actual forks…and 2 different sets of cutlery in one drawer 🤪

He's a lazy, selfish, useless twat, who can't be bothered to set the table and uses this as a technique for you to do it, rather than him. Buy a single set of the tiniest baby cutlery you can find and put it by his plate.

If he has the temerity to complain, point out that he's being too fussy; after all, a knife is a knife and a fork is a fork, right?

This would wind me up too @WhyNotUsehis.
It's an easy thing for him to fix, if he wanted to.
He doesn't care.
I'd be hurt.

Smells slightly like weaponised incompetence to me… but you’ll know your DH more than we do. I agree that it might be easier to sort the drawer out a little if you have specific pairs that go together as we don’t know how clear it is to see. If he still has a problem after then, then there’s an issue.

It's an age-old problem that the Chinese resolved many, many years ago with the invention of chopsticks.

(They also invented fireworks - but that was just to annoy dog owners.)

We just get our own from the drawer, why complicate it?

First reply nails it.

If you want matching cutlery, then there should only be marching cutlery in the drawer.

I'm rather liking my mental video of marching cutlery 😅 but YES! If you can't stand non-matching cutlery, don't have non-matching cutlery. Is there a point to this, like a silent game of "Let's see if he can get it right"? Why would you do that??

Have all matching tableware. If you must have dessert forks, put them and the dessert spoons in the upper, horizontal slots of the cutlery tray. This is the reason cutlery trays are made the way they are: the utensils can be stored in a formation reflecting their positions at the place setting.

Sheesh. People can be surprisingly inventive in complicating their own lives.

I can't believe people actually care about this As others have said, if you want matching cutlery then only have one type in the drawer.

After spending time on MN I come away thinking I must be the most laid back person on earth.

Hurt????? 😂😅

Despite the fact that I really do not care about this (yet own two identical cutlery sets so this never happens to me) ... I've just been looking at cutlery trays. I haven't used a cutlery drawer for 25 years so wanted to see if they're still made in the traditional layout.

Answer: yes, but most aren't! Worse still, the many available shapes have been photographed with random utensils chucked willy-nilly in the slots 😱 I never thought I'd care about this ... well, I still don't, but scrolling pages of irrational cutlery trays containing illogical items made my skin go prickly 🤔

Before I permanently hide this thread to protect my mental attachment to controlled chaos, OP, here's a decent tray that respects the conventions of place setting.

https://www.fiteo.co.uk/product/expandable-beech-wooden-cutlery-tray-for-kitchen-drawers/

With you OP on this one, different cutlery feels wrong in my hands. We rarely eat at the table together, adult dc take their meals to their room as they're normally gaming and me and dp slob it out on trays, but still the cutlery has to match 😂

It is weaponised incompetence on his part. My DH had never “set” a table before we met, but he is an expert now!
And glad to see that OP has standards - which seem to be going out of fashion these days: my DM always said that it’s important to be able to use a formal set of cutlery - just in case we were ever invited to dinner somewhere very posh!

We rarely eat at the table together, adult dc take their meals to their room as they're normally gaming

That is a whole new thread @loobyloo1979