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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Counselling disaster

47 replies

MoogooMongoose · 10/05/2025 17:16

AIBU? I paid for a block of 10 counselling sessions £600 earlier this year.

My counsellor suggested to book a block of sessions very quickly after getting in touch with her.

At the time I was very low indeed after major surgery, definitely not myself.

I agreed and paid and we arranged the first session.

On the second session she asked me a question she had asked previously so I had to repeat myself,I felt that she was distracted but gave her the benefit of the doubt.

By the third session I realised I was not comfortable with her. She seemed not to be present in our sessions.

I then got a round robin email from her explaining she had been diagnosed with cancer.
I was of course deeply upset for her and realised why she seemed distracted during our sessions she was going through an ordeal herself.

The email was very long and very understandably emotive.
I actually felt a bit overwhelmed by her email and her situation when I wasn't well myself.

I replied suggesting she took a break to take care of herself and we pick up in a few months perhaps in the meantime I could have a refund for at least half the sessions we didn't have.

I also explained that I didn't feel comfortable talking to her about my problems when hers were clearly bigger.

She replied that as she was willing to continue the sessions and that she had to spoken about my situation to other therapists who were all equally horrified that I should expect a refund.

She said that she would think about it and try to pay some back in due course.
This was 4 months ago.

Im a kind person. I do not want to add to her stress so I've let it go. Im hardly going to hassle her for the refund of when she is having cancer treatment.

However I don't feel she was particularly kind to me in her replies . In theory im owed £300.

Im self employed too. If I couldn't offer my services or someone felt uncomfortable after booking my services I would give a reasonable refund. It's called professional integrity.

I also would have suggested trying one or two sessions to see if we clicked before asking someone to commit to £600.

Perhaps she was desperate for the money knowing she might have to take time off work while having treatment. I think she was aware of her health concerns when I paid her.
AIBU to feel upset and expect some kind of refund even for a couple of sessions?

OP posts:
GoodonHamzah · 10/05/2025 17:18

Before you even had one session you’d signed up to 10?

Original poster
MoogooMongoose · 10/05/2025 17:22

@GoodonHamzah yes. I really wasnt well at the time as I said. I realise I have to take some responsibility too for this disaster. My mental health was not in a good place. I wanted to feel better.

OP posts:
sesquipedalian · 10/05/2025 17:24

OP, I’m very sorry this counsellor has taken advantage of you like this, and you are lucky to be in a position where you can afford to lose £300. I think you’ve been outrageously taken advantage of, and this counsellor has behaved in anything but a professional manner. For future reference, don’t ever book up ten sessions like this - I would want to have at least one session with a counsellor to see if they were the right person for me. I’ve had counselling where it’s been a complete waste of time because we just didn’t get on.

FumingTRex · 10/05/2025 17:26

Is she registered with a professional body? I would speak to them if so. A good therapist should not be signing you up for a block of sessions before you’ve even met, and should not keep money for sessions not given. Could it be a scam?

Doggielove2 · 10/05/2025 17:28

You can make a complaint to the ethical body’s she belongs to. Im a therapist in training and it’s doesn’t sound right. She shouldn’t be discussing your situation with anyone apart from her supervisor so that’s a breach of confidentiality.

also in most modalities you would not share about your own health with clients

look at ethical guidelines of UKCP or BACP - find out which one she belongs to - there are others but start there - there will be clear ethics around disclosure - it sound like she breached them

MissyB1 · 10/05/2025 17:29

She was incredibly unprofessional to let you sign up to ten sessions without you both having at least one session to establish if she was right for you.

TreesWelliesKnees · 10/05/2025 17:30

Send her an email and tell her that unfortunately you will have to escalate to her governing body if she does not refund you. She should absolutely not have divulged her own issues to her clients unless she was explaining a need for time off. She should have used supervision to work out how to manage this situation without compromising her client work in this way. Of course you wouldn't want to talk to her after receiving that email. Clients shouldn't be feeling sorry for their counsellors.

Tripadvisor101 · 10/05/2025 17:32

Presumably it's her own business and she still needs an income coming in as she won't get employer sick pay. To be honest, I think you're being completely unreasonable asking for money back from someone with cancer particularly as she said she'd still over the service. Poor woman.

ilovesooty · 10/05/2025 17:34

She's behaved unethically and unprofessionally and should be refunding the outstanding sessions in full. She shouldn't be discussing you with other therapists either - only with her supervisor.

TheWildZebra · 10/05/2025 17:34

Is she BACP registered?

it’s unusual to pay for a block of therapy IME.

edited to say it’s also deeply unprofessional to send an email like she did (regardless of cancer diagnosis or not, this is not for therapists to share in depth with their clients)

Doggielove2 · 10/05/2025 17:36

BACP say
Client Autonomy:
Any disclosures should be made in a way that respects client autonomy and minimizes any potential harm to their trust.

she has caused you harm disclosing her health in a way that’s made you look after her like it asking for a refund

Doggielove2 · 10/05/2025 17:37

TheWildZebra · 10/05/2025 17:34

Is she BACP registered?

it’s unusual to pay for a block of therapy IME.

edited to say it’s also deeply unprofessional to send an email like she did (regardless of cancer diagnosis or not, this is not for therapists to share in depth with their clients)

Edited

Yea and any emails should only be about times and cancellations - the rest should be discussed In The room

Original poster
MoogooMongoose · 10/05/2025 17:37

Thankyou for your quick replies. I cant afford to loose £300 but I felt ashamed that I should be thinking of money at such a time for her.
I could take this forward to her professional body I will look into that. I suppose a part of me just wants to forget that time as im feeling much brighter now thanks to my friends and family and my own strength of character.
The only thing I didn't mention was after our 3rd session I stupidly said " has anyone ever asked for a refund" thinking we weren't connecting just as she was leaving.
The other thing she told me was that she wasnt going to be doing one to one counselling amyore as she prefers group work.
That didnt help my frame of mind!
She just said " well no one ones ever asked for a cancellation before" very dismissive.... not "lets's discuss this. Not how can I help? "
Like I said I was down a very dark hole at the time. Glad it's behind me.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoogooMongoose · 10/05/2025 17:37

Thankyou for your quick replies. I cant afford to loose £300 but I felt ashamed that I should be thinking of money at such a time for her.
I could take this forward to her professional body I will look into that. I suppose a part of me just wants to forget that time as im feeling much brighter now thanks to my friends and family and my own strength of character.
The only thing I didn't mention was after our 3rd session I stupidly said " has anyone ever asked for a refund" thinking we weren't connecting just as she was leaving.
The other thing she told me was that she wasnt going to be doing one to one counselling amyore as she prefers group work.
That didnt help my frame of mind!
She just said " well no one ones ever asked for one" not l"et's discuss this. How can I help? "
Like I said I was down a very dark hole at the time. Glad it's behind me.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoogooMongoose · 10/05/2025 17:38

Thankyou for your quick replies. I cant afford to loose £300 but I felt ashamed that I should be thinking of money at such a time for her.
I could take this forward to her professional body I will look into that. I suppose a part of me just wants to forget that time as im feeling much brighter now thanks to my friends and family and my own strength of character.
The only thing I didn't mention was after our 3rd session I stupidly said " has anyone ever asked for a refund" thinking we weren't connecting just as she was leaving.
The other thing she told me was that she wasnt going to be doing one to one counselling amyore as she prefers group work.
That didnt help my frame of mind!
She just said " well no one ones ever asked for one" not l"et's discuss this. How can I help? "
Like I said I was down a very dark hole at the time. Glad it's behind me.

OP posts:
andweallloveclover · 10/05/2025 17:40

Wow, wanting you to sign up to 10 sessions without even having one!! How do you know as counsellor and client that you are a good match? This seems pretty unprofessional to me.

When I found my bereavement counsellor she gave me the first session free of charge to see how I felt and to try her out and see if I felt comfortable with her and her methods. I had a whole hour free. Only after I could see we were a good fit did I sign up for more and initially I signed up for 5, at the same time each week which committed us both to show up.

Doggielove2 · 10/05/2025 17:42

This all sounds very strange

you don’t need to think about her and she should have let her ethical body know that she want up to counselling rather than compromise you - that’s clearly in the ethics

Nanny0gg · 10/05/2025 17:43

Tripadvisor101 · 10/05/2025 17:32

Presumably it's her own business and she still needs an income coming in as she won't get employer sick pay. To be honest, I think you're being completely unreasonable asking for money back from someone with cancer particularly as she said she'd still over the service. Poor woman.

Nope.

She's been very unethical in her dealings with the OP

BeeCucumber · 10/05/2025 17:47

I'm so sorry OP, but it looks like you have been scammed. Did you pay by credit card? If so, there may be a way to get a refund. Failing that, consider the small claims court.

Original poster
MoogooMongoose · 10/05/2025 17:50

Thankyou everyone for your kind support.
Just knowing I personally have been reasonable in this situation..ive certainly not pressurised her into the refund at any time.
I also agree she should not have taken a block booking without seeing me first/ disclosed her health issues in huge detail/ discussed me with others.
I think i just needed reassurance as ive not really discussed this with any one but my DH.
I did not know that counsellors/ therapists should not disclose their health issues thankyou for making aware.
Im not going to feel ashamed any more. All I did was reach out for help at a difficult time.

OP posts:
Sunwarddangledhardens · 10/05/2025 17:50

I was seeing a counsellor who abruptly stopped our sessions for serious health reasons. That was all she told me and all she should have told me. It’s quite wrong for your counsellor to dump her diagnosis and feelings about it on you. Not just unethical, but out of line with how counselling should work. Her job is to hold the space for you, not to take the space.

GoodonHamzah · 10/05/2025 17:51

MoogooMongoose · 10/05/2025 17:50

Thankyou everyone for your kind support.
Just knowing I personally have been reasonable in this situation..ive certainly not pressurised her into the refund at any time.
I also agree she should not have taken a block booking without seeing me first/ disclosed her health issues in huge detail/ discussed me with others.
I think i just needed reassurance as ive not really discussed this with any one but my DH.
I did not know that counsellors/ therapists should not disclose their health issues thankyou for making aware.
Im not going to feel ashamed any more. All I did was reach out for help at a difficult time.

Did your DH know you were handing over £600 without having even met the woman?!

Jellycatspyjamas · 10/05/2025 17:52

She should have offered a refund in her email explaining her situation as it’s reasonable to think a client may not want to see a counsellor knowing they have their own serious concerns. I’d write to her explaining you are exercising your right to choose to end therapy due to her health disclosure and request a refund for all unused sessions. Contact her professional body re the nature and level of detail in her email to you - it shouldn’t have been emotive. A very simple “I have a newly diagnosed health condition which means I may be unable to continue working as planned” is wholly sufficient for newer clients.

Ferniefernfernfern · 10/05/2025 17:58

A professional therapist would never speak to you about their personal problems. She has crossed many lines here. Is there an authority that you can report her to?

godmum56 · 10/05/2025 17:59

I smell a very large unregistered cousellor rat!