Counselling disaster

[MoogooMongoose]

AIBU? I paid for a block of 10 counselling sessions £600 earlier this year.

My counsellor suggested to book a block of sessions very quickly after getting in touch with her.

At the time I was very low indeed after major surgery, definitely not myself.

I agreed and paid and we arranged the first session.

On the second session she asked me a question she had asked previously so I had to repeat myself,I felt that she was distracted but gave her the benefit of the doubt.

By the third session I realised I was not comfortable with her. She seemed not to be present in our sessions.

I then got a round robin email from her explaining she had been diagnosed with cancer.
I was of course deeply upset for her and realised why she seemed distracted during our sessions she was going through an ordeal herself.

The email was very long and very understandably emotive.
I actually felt a bit overwhelmed by her email and her situation when I wasn't well myself.

I replied suggesting she took a break to take care of herself and we pick up in a few months perhaps in the meantime I could have a refund for at least half the sessions we didn't have.

I also explained that I didn't feel comfortable talking to her about my problems when hers were clearly bigger.

She replied that as she was willing to continue the sessions and that she had to spoken about my situation to other therapists who were all equally horrified that I should expect a refund.

She said that she would think about it and try to pay some back in due course.
This was 4 months ago.

Im a kind person. I do not want to add to her stress so I've let it go. Im hardly going to hassle her for the refund of when she is having cancer treatment.

However I don't feel she was particularly kind to me in her replies . In theory im owed £300.

Im self employed too. If I couldn't offer my services or someone felt uncomfortable after booking my services I would give a reasonable refund. It's called professional integrity.

I also would have suggested trying one or two sessions to see if we clicked before asking someone to commit to £600.

Perhaps she was desperate for the money knowing she might have to take time off work while having treatment. I think she was aware of her health concerns when I paid her.
AIBU to feel upset and expect some kind of refund even for a couple of sessions?

Completely unethical and damn right wrong for her to have disclosed her medical diagnosis, I can only imagine this was so you would feel sorry for her and not request a refund.
Those spouting BACP they will do fuck all as they are fucking useless and have no power!
Sorry that you have come across a shite of a therapist OP, I can assure you that the vast majority of us don't act this way ( even those of us with chronic health disorders) and would NEVER take an upfront payment for 10 sessions, at most it would be 6 as you need to review at that stage ( also at every session to make sure your client is comfortable to continue with you).
Has she fuck spoken to other therapists about not refunding, that I would think is a lie to add on the guilt... again unethical as it sounds like you were very venerable at time of booking.
I would actually send a brief email to state you require your refund by xxx and if this date passes you will need to speak to small claims.
Good luck OP.

it’s not a breach of confidentiality to discuss booking and cancellations and how to proceed with an unconditional patient. she was asking advice herself! read up about information sharing

In theory im owed £300

Not really - you paid for sessions you now don’t want to use. She’s willing to work. You can’t go around telling people they’ve got too much on and shouldn’t be working.

‘I also explained that I didn't feel comfortable talking to her about my problems when hers were clearly bigger.’ - I can’t believe you’d say that. She’s a counsellor, she has a supervisor and I believe they have to have counselling themselves. Who are you to tell her she’s incapable of working.

Sounds very scammy. Do you wonder if she actually has cancer? Do you wonder if she's actually qualified as a counsellor?

Forget her alleged personal circumstances. This is purely about payment for a service that has not been delivered

Have you got proof she actually has cancer ?? The whole thing sounds odd, complain or make a claim in small claims court.

Your emotional safety is the upmost core of the work. In my modality a complaint of these circumstances would be upheld against me if reported because it goes against the ethics of the profession.

im so so sorry you have had to look after a counsellor when their job is to be there without compromise for you

my counsellor had to stop working because of her health - she waited a month or so to tell me until after my husbands funeral and planned what we would do about a planned ending and gave us four weeks to do this so we could prepare. she hadn’t wanted to tell me about her health because she knew I had a history of looking after people - it’s something councillors are very aware of not doing - you must not burden clients - all this was discussed in her supervision before she told me - it was only done as drs had said she needed extended leave and she had no choice

as said if your compromised for work you need to let the ethical body know

@LilDeVille surely if you are having counselling you don't want to have break for goodness knows how long?! She paid for a block of ten, not a few now and then a few more next year!

OP how any sessions did you actually attend?

I too believe you are entitled to a refund. Lesson learned this time😞.

Absolutely not.

Any therapist worth their salt would welcome conversations about their capacity to work. Your attitude is reminiscent of 1920s medical deference, and even then, good psychotherapists would gladly discuss a patients thoughts about their competence.

Also, counselling and psychotherapy isn't a governed profession. You can call yourself any kind of therapist (except psychologist) and have no training, no supervision and have had no personal therapy. There are excellent therapists out there, but there are also far more sharks or people at the edge of dangerous, than the good ones.

OP is both entitled to complain in their sessions and, probably, to a refund.

Rubbish.
And you are wrong, we don't 'have to have therapy' after we finishing training,

You are wrong on so many counts and clearly don’t understand the profession

of course a client is likely to feel like this - it’s covered in training because of this

counselling is not regulated in this country and many courses don’t require counsellors to have therapy either - so wrong again there

it’s definitely unethical to disclose illness in this manipulative way to clients so they feel they need to take care of you and still pay!

also most counsellors offer a free session to see if you click them you pay weekly. I’ve never heard of paying for blocks

what you are doing to the OP is along the lines of the counsellor - guilt tripping!

Thankyou everyone for all your different perspectives and particularly @Doggielove2 your words have really resonated with me and supported me.
Im glad I posted and have started a conversation.

If this post helps another person when choosing a counsellor then I hope I've helped someone else too.

She sounds awful, especially since she's trying to guilt trip you saying she had "spoken about my situation to other therapists who were all equally horrified that I should expect a refund." Based on this I would ask for a refund for all sessions I hadn't used, that's not a counsellor I would trust at all.

Send an email saying that you want a refund now, and if not you'll contact her professional body and the small claims court. You can send a Letter Before Action before you do so, to add pressure.

She took advantage of you and has been highly unprofessional. No decent therapist does block bookings before a first session.

Some counsellors offer free initial sessions - many don't and there are sound reasons for that. Some counsellors offer reductions for block bookings - 6 Is common. Again, many don't. It's unusual though to take a block booking before having met the client.

This is 10 without meeting them

and is not the main issue! Ethics are the issue!

And I agree that's unethical. However I don't believe most counsellors offer free initial sessions.

My advise to everyone... generally, any therapist asking for any kind of payment in advance... stay away.

I don't agree with payment in advance for block sessions but asking for payment for a session in advance is not unreasonable.

All proper therapists will offer you a contract at the beginning. It still detail what they do with your data, what happens if they cancel and whether you still pay if you cancel. If you are expected to pay in advance, you should know how to get money back if necessary.

But I still stand by my comment. Generally, no good therapists except you to pay in advance.

I agree with the first part of your post. Of course there should be a clear contract in place. In my view the counsellor can quite reasonably include a payment in advance policy. However that's not applicable to the OP's situation and I think she's been unprofessionally treated and she should be refunded.

I agree that you should be refunded. Did you pay by credit card OP, as if you did you should be able to get your money back through them?

If she is not providing the sessions, she should be refunding you and she absolutely should not have taken a block booking before meeting you. How did she know she could work with you without even knowing anything about you?

The letter is weird too. You'd disclose to regular, long term clients who are settled and close with you, my therapist has explained things going on with him that have affected our sessions but not to ones you've only just met.

I'd do a charge back on your card for services not provided and report to her governing body. She is working unethically.