To think children shouldn't knock and invite themselves into our house?

[Goinggreymammy]

Live in an estate, good few children. I've always said to my children that if they want to knock for their friends they should ask them to either come out to play on the path/garden, or to go down as far as the green once they are older, or ask if they want to come into our house. So my rule is you can't knock and ask to go into your friends house. You have to be invited.
My DD (7) is friends with 2 little girls across the road. Another little girl sometimes plays with them but my DD doesn't really know her. This third girl has just knocked on my door with one of the other girls and asked "Can we come into your house to play?" She is only 5 I'd say, one of the dads was watching from across the road so I let them in. My DD wasn't too enthusiastic but it felt rude to turn them away when my DD might be out playing with her actual friend later.
AIBU that if you send your child knocking on doors you should tell them to invite people out, not invite themselves in?

Why on earth would you let that child in? She's not even your daughters's friend?

I agree with you for sure but don't let yourself get steamrollered by a five year old. Give them a cheery "we're not having visitors right now, DD you can play out if you want" etc

You’ve encouraged this by letting them in when your daughter wasn’t keen to play; you’re obviously a people pleaser so this will be hard for you.

What was wrong with "no, but DD can come out"?

Our neighbours knock for each other and say "can X play" and there is a variety of responses

Yes you can play here if you want
Yes but you cannot come inside because I am working/dd1 is ill/we are trying to tidy up
Yes in our garden if you want
Yes but it needs to be in your house
No she's eating tea/has homework/she is having a shower

Kids tend to accept what you say, you don't need some elaborate excuse. Just sorry not in our house right now is fine.

I don't know why you didn't just say no to her coming into the house and said it felt rude. Why couldn't you just say what you have put on here 'not now, but she will be outside to play later'.

I would never let a child my daughter wasn’t keen to play with coming. No way. It’s my daughter’s home and her feeling come first. Also the parent was rude and should have introduced themself as being the parent and initially asked if your child wanted to come out and play.

Yes, exactly. I mean, you have your rules, but you need to figure out a method of reacting when not everyone else has signed up to the same code of behaviour.

I think I'd say something like "Ah sorry sweetie, you can't come in now as I'm a bit busy, but Sally can come and play out the front for a bit." Were you worried the dad would be annoyed?

Yes, I usually do this, with the girls I know know well. I already said no to new girl and her sister last week (they knocked asking to come in to play with my DDs friend) and I just said no, they might be out later. But her mum approached me after and asked if her DDs could go down the green with mine. I explained that I only let her out with an adult, and she and her friends usually play in each other's houses.

Yes, would your response have been different if the Dad hadn’t been there?

I understand that you have your rules.

but it’s very standard for kids to knock and say “can X play?”
that’s what most kids do.

feel free to think it rude but it is the norm.

That was an opportunist chav dad to be sure. What good dad lets 5 year old into stranger's houses when he doesn't know who she will be mixing with/,vulnerable to?

Definitely

Laughing that I got steamrolled by a little girl.
I'm not usually so much of a pushover but it's Friday and my head ie melted.

Why, though?

But that's not what they asked. She very clearly asked twice if they could come in!
My guess is they had already been playing in the other girls house and got bored. Not to drip feed but the little girl with her has some additional needs and I've talked to my DD in the past about being kind to her and not leaving her out of games etc, so that's another reason I allowed them in although DD wasn't too enthusiastic.

Not sure. I don't want to cause any bad feeling, have people think I'm unfriendly or snobbish or something. They are my neighbours. I know the dad to say hi to.

Cause I don't think DD would have gone out.

Why would they think that, though? My main memory of being in my cousin’s house on an estate as a child was the succession of children knocking on the door and my aunt saying ‘Not now, love’ to all of them if my cousins eating dinner or doing homework or chores etc.

I voted YABU because if you didn't want her to come in, you should've said "No darling, it's not convenient".

Really not fair on your DD either.

Well then at least one of you has boundaries. Just say no next time.

That’s quite shitty to your daughter. Why did you care more about the random dad’s feelings than hers?

Random dad obviously fancied some free time and thought you could look after his daughter.

Random dad obviously fancied some free time and thought you could look after his daughter.