To think children shouldn't knock and invite themselves into our house?

[Goinggreymammy]

Live in an estate, good few children. I've always said to my children that if they want to knock for their friends they should ask them to either come out to play on the path/garden, or to go down as far as the green once they are older, or ask if they want to come into our house. So my rule is you can't knock and ask to go into your friends house. You have to be invited.
My DD (7) is friends with 2 little girls across the road. Another little girl sometimes plays with them but my DD doesn't really know her. This third girl has just knocked on my door with one of the other girls and asked "Can we come into your house to play?" She is only 5 I'd say, one of the dads was watching from across the road so I let them in. My DD wasn't too enthusiastic but it felt rude to turn them away when my DD might be out playing with her actual friend later.
AIBU that if you send your child knocking on doors you should tell them to invite people out, not invite themselves in?

I think it’s lovely that you are in a street like this. I would love that for DS. As for them coming in, you definitely shouldn’t if you don’t want them to. Maybe sometimes but not if it isn’t convenient and certainly not if your DD doesn’t want to!

Oh god I have this with an American girl on our street (her being American could be relevant to mention as I wondered if it was a cultural difference) she either asks to come in and doesn’t take no for an answer until I’m firm, or will play out front with DD for a bit then walk into our house and ask me (even demand on occasions) that they both be allowed to come in to play “because it’s cold outside”. Just the other day my DD asked if this girl could come play inside (whilst the girl was stood next to her in the hallway) and I said no as my DM was here and immediately the girl said “but <DD’s name>” so then my DD started begging.
I can’t stand her but my DD loves playing with her, despite the fact that she breaks at least one of her toys every time she’s here.
Needless to say, this is a private school child and in my experience, it’s the entitled private school kids who behave the worst! Sorry to offend the parents of the odd exception to this, but I’m just speaking to my own experience.

There’s no harm in them asking

There’s no harm in you saying no

This girl will go far in life

"She's not playing not but she might be out later, see you soon!"

Or you could just tell them no?

If a tiny 5 year old knocked on my door. I’d ask them where their parents were and take them back there.

She’s five so she doesn’t quite get that yet. Just say “not this time, DD will be out later!” And say goodbye. If you let her in each time, she won’t think there’s anything wrong with asking.

We live on a street where children play. As soon as I answer the door to a child, I call my DC and they do the play negotiations, not me! And they’re not worried about saying “no I don’t want to play in, we can go out” or “later”.

Next time, just kindly say no, or as soon as you open the door shout “DD, X is here!” And then she can decide what she wants to do.

Surely you just say Sorry, it's not convenient!

If you want to soften it, just say DD might be out to play later - that doesn't mean she definitely will!

?!?!? That’s what you took from this? Her bullying, breaking others’ possessions intentionally and being rude & obnoxious, is admired by you!?!?
You just can’t see past the private school, can you? That’s interesting… Says quite a bit about you as a person actually.

Gosh it seems like you who can’t get past the private school.

I wasn’t the one who made the “go far in life” comment, but look at the current world leaders. Are they good people? Or are they convicted criminals and obnoxious bullies? Don’t like any of it, but it’s not like being kind gets you leadership roles.

If you don't think your child would have gone out to play with this five year old why on earth did you invite her in and force your child to play with her, where your child cannot escape or have a breather from?

Think carefully here. Why are you putting other peoples wants over your own child who has told you what she wants? You are being kind to others but being mean to your own child in the process. Start practicing no.

You’ve decided on a list of rules, but seem annoyed that they aren’t social convention and not everyone abides by the same framework you have come up with in your head.

You don’t want the kids coming in, then say “not right now” or something. But YABU thinking everyone should be aware of these rules you’ve made up.

As a parent, advocate for your child.
Don’t be such people pleaser, especially other people’s children over your own.
Tell them politely “dc is busy right now so, sorry no”

Children quickly learn which parents have what rules about playing in or out. You need to decide what you are happy with in line with your daughters frienships and don't over think it. (Unless you feel a child isn't safe and needs walking back home if you are turning them away at the door) .

This. You sound like my mother. Always more concerned about ‘appearances’ than the wellbeing of her own children.

I've just started saying no to the local kids knocking at the door to come in, even DD's good pal that she plays with a lot, I just say "No, not in the house, you can play outside".At times in the past I've let a couple in but I've ended up with my house full of noisy messy kids. I've wised up now lol. Now that the weather's improved I'm saying no to any of them coming in. They invariably either make a complete mess or fight, or both, and I can't be arsed with the mess or noise. (They're not bad kids but for example my DDs friend and her fall out ALL the time about silly things and end up crying). There's one little girl who is quite cheeky about it, I had her knock repeatedly and loudly one evening begging to come in because she had nobody to play with. I stuck firm on it, as my DD (5) didn't want to go out and I wasn't going to be manipulated by someone else's child. Mostly the kids totally take no for an answer though. My advice is nip this in the bud now before your house gets known as the house all the kids can get in to!

Something I heard only very recently. Like most sayings that resonate strongly with you, I heard it exactly at the right time - I was avoiding someone because of a disagreement:

"Build bridges, not walls."

Sorry for post above - wrong thread!!

Thank you everyone for your responses. Only checking back in now, busy day yesterday.

Poll is divided, but I'm taking on board what posters say about ignoring my DDs wishes in favour of another child. As I said, there was a 2nd girl there who has additional needs and is friendly with my DD and I have asked her in the past to be kind, and to include this little girl, as that's a life lesson.

DD is well able to speak up for herself, very much so.
I definitely do say no to kids at the door, and my older DD often says no if people knock, I do tell my children that they should do what they feel good about within reason, and not just what othe4s ask. I'm not sure why I didn't just say no in this instance.
I have gotten a few good responses from this thread which I can use in future.
Thanks to all who responded.

OP I agree with you. I was brought up not to ask to go into someone's house, not to ask for food and the like. We have neighbours like this. They are very nice people but the children always seem to want to play here to the degree they ask to come in or simply run around to the garden and have even just run into the house before. They ask to come and play and if they're here they ask for food (even if parents are with them) and don't leave. If we run into one another on the school run it leads to "can we come and play". At first I felt like you as I'm the kind of person who would be accommodating but they ask too much so I'm now content saying "not today". They don't invite DC to play at their house. They say DC is always welcome but funnily enough has never been despite wanting to go.