Unfair to defer summer borns

[ifyoudont]

Dd was born late august, is the youngest in her year but instead of rest of her class being just under a year older than her , there’s 4 children who are nearly a year and a half older because they were born April -august the year above and deferred.

Somebody has to be the youngest and somebody the oldest but surely the fairest way is to keep the age difference within a year.

Dd is doing well academically and socially and only really struggling during playtime and PE as she is smaller. A boy in her class has early May birthday but because he was deferred instead of being 3+ months older than her is 15+ months older and the biggest and strongest in the class leading to several incidents where he has injured her.

A family member has a baby due in June and is already mentioned deferring them without knowing how advanced or behind they are going to be.

I definitely do think there are a few exceptions where it can be necessary but it seems to to be often done just because it can. Maybe there should be be stricter guidelines and some sort of test required?

AIBU? If so what am I missing?
I don’t hear people share this opinion often and haven’t shared it with family member

Thank god I live in a humble town where no one would consider it. I guarantee most I see online talking about it live in pretentious neighborhoods, sorry but just a gut feeling.

Someone's got to be the youngest and a couple of kids in the class having 11 months between them is definitely preferable to the mess that is kids having up to 18 months between them a la the example in the op.

Many of these parents just can't stand the idea their precious darlings may be a cm shorter than their peers or slightly academically behind in reception 🙄

Nobody is saying you have to defer. But the option could be there for those who think it would be best for their child. Of course many summer borns will do well. Children all develop differently, which adds weight to the argument for being able to defer.

Prematurity is one of the things that meets criteria, it will have been mentioned in your application presumably? We did the same and the preschool teacher and speech therapist wrote up a paragraph each supporting too.

Do you have experience of a child just turned 4 not ready developmentally for school? Not yet speaking in full sentences, or toilet trained? Not able to understand instructions? It’s amazing the difference 12 months, or a quarter of their lives can make!

Yeah you’re completely correct. Only way to stop extreme unfairness is stick to Sept-Aug. Otherwise you’re only increasing disparities and of course parents conceiving in November at least know what the plan is. Schools pandering to awkward parents and letting the decent ones suffer again for the sake of a quiet life.

We have August born twins and are considering deferring for one of them. One of our twins is so school ready he is pretty much following his older brother in, banging on the door and practicing his phonics as he goes. Our other twin child is ASD and is delayed in her development at approx 18 months behind cohort for speech. If we defer she will be in a playgroup in the next classroom to her brother, with a play leader she knows and loves, and will have a much longer lead in and transition to school.

I always thought deferring was a bit weird, but it could make a difference to our daughter, where there is nothing we would not do to make her path easier.

Its funny really as people saying they are so much olfer 0-5m extra makes such a difference and they always win etc. But thats reinforcing that the youngest normally aug are at a disadvantage. Whilst its an occassional child ot makes very little difference to averages in a 30 child class.

the apr onwards it because they have less preschool. Apr to aug are actually funded till sept at 5 as thats when they are school age. They are otherwise losing that funding. Starting at 4 they get 3-4 funded. Whereas a sept would get 3-5. So jan to the following following sept.

re sen that cannot be used as soooo many kids i know ha ve turned out to have sen that wouldnt have been supported as a reason at 3/4. However most of the sen kids dont seem to be summer borns so couldnt delay. But would have struggled even more if they werent on the older side.
i know a jul,jun,may,jul,jun deffered children. Only 3 have sen the others were avoiding disadvantage.

its prwtty ridiculous from the social side in england that sept borns can drink from sept of y13 but aug cant until going to uni. Obviously that has a social effect.

the stats are clear the results as they are scaled.at SATs and gcse go down nationally from sept to aug. Now obviously a summer born can get good sats. My eldest d id and got GD for all (except writing) but perhaps a couple would have been higher a year later. Obvious as y8 she also effectively like the rest of the year group missed a year due to covid. Socially notin a good place. But its likely the sen that wasnt ID younger.

its rather irrelevant.how kids did pre gove as that really changed how hard the curriculum is and whilst its not that hard for primary, it is putting more stresson the kids.
My deferred kid is doing perhaps less well in english than the in cohort child. But overall primary has been so much easier (and better for.the school and classmates) every extra child that struggles.takes away from.the children who actually havelearning difficulties. some.teachers are misdiagnosing the youngestnas adhd as they are less mature

Fair enough if they have severe learning delays or were born premature and would of been in the year below anyway but as many have said on this thread in their towns EVERYONE with a kid born past april is doing it so they feel like they have to or their child will be the youngest by 15 months.

It's definitely a pretentious neighborhood thing because like I said no one in my town does this, thank god.

I obviously researched this issue thoroughly before making the decision, and could find very few reasons NOT to give my child the year of early years they’d otherwise be missing out on that their autumn born peers took for granted. You’re right that I’ve never met someone who delayed their summer born child’s start ‘admit’ that it was wrong for them.

I like this fantasy you have that they’re all secretly regretting it and are fools for trusting in those damn statistics when they could have relied on the anecdotal evidence of overly invested mums of august born brain surgeons on the internet who have never met their child Instead….

How do you decide at 3 who has SEND and who is just a little delayed, or developing slightly differently? Summer borns are far more likely to be labelled as having SEND, which obviously makes no sense, except for the fact they are expected to achieve the same standards as children substantially older than them. Having taught year one, the amount of kids that just are not ready for the curriculum is big, especially those just turned 5. It doesn’t mean they have SEND, it means they need more time and more play.

I’m an August baby and find it crazy that now you can put them back a year. I’m no genius but did well in school, including sports. I’m small for my age so even smaller being the youngest in the year but it just wasn’t a thing. Parents making an issue of it nowadays is baffling to me but hey, they’re allowed to so if thats important to them then whatever

I worried about DD as a late August born. I think 4 is too young for school anyway but DH was adamant she would be fine. She’s now at high school and was indeed fine. Academically and socially has thrived at high school and any tricky times in primary were not related to her age.
She’s tiny but never got hurt or damaged more than the average child with no common sense and a fondness for climbing and gymnastics.

I did not realise you could defer 😬🙈🫢🫢 Is this a new thing?

My daughter started school in 2008 and is an August baby. I was told if I deferred she would still have to join the same class but just a year later ?? So I sent her and she coped and caught up (ish).

I very much hope that my child does become a brain surgeon - that would be great for them!

I also very much hope that your child doesn't choose to drop out of school in Year 10, as they will be allowed to do - that would be a shame after all your efforts! Or that they resent a year of their adult life being spent in school when they could be out living their life, because they got an extra year at home they can't even remember. Or they get bullied for being kept back for being 'thick', as one poster has said happened below.

I don't think all parents regret their decisions, I'm sure many are very happy with their decisions. But statistics only get you so far I'm afraid - real experiences matter and academics isn't everything. There are real disadvantages to being kept back, just as there are advantages, and many parents seem to forget this in their quest to have the 'best' child.

This topic always seems to upset people on MN. As a Scot, I find it really interesting to read how polarising it seems to be on here as a) kids here don’t start school till 4.5 at the earliest anyway and b) it’s totally normal for Jan/Feb kids and even December kids to be deferred and start in P1 at 5.5 instead of 4.5. It’s literally just a tick box on the form and that’s it. So I do get a bit amused that MN seems to get so riled up about it all while in my little world bubble up here it’s just normal and not really a topic of discussion. I guess it’s just what you know!

PP mentioned ‘pretentious’ neighbourhoods. While it wasn’t intended to be a good faith argument, there is actually an ‘issue’ or maybe rather a pattern in Scotland where deferral rates in affluent council areas are much higher than in poorer council areas. Probably several reasons for that, including that those in affluent areas may be more well educated themselves and therefore more likely to seek out research on the matter, financially may be more able to continue with childcare for another year (although we all get the 30 hours here even with a deferred child), etc.

Deferral is well thought of among teachers in Scotland too in my experience, I’ve yet to meet a primary teacher not in favour of children starting later.

All DD1’s peers who were Jan/Feb born like her were deferred so started at 5.5 instead of 4.5 and did another year of early years care. Personally I saw a huge difference in her development in that time and am glad I deferred her, but we knew pretty much from when she was born that we would defer her as it wasn’t based on how academic or otherwise we thought she would be.

Care to explain why it seems almost everyone in certain towns defers their children born past April and in other towns no one does it? It's a thing 90% done by pretentious parents whos kids HAVE to be top of the class.

Too busy talking about how their child born in August might be a little disadvantaged from their peers but never mind the kids whos parents didn't defer them who end up the youngest by 18 months, unless we make it so everyone defers so it's fair for everyone right? Just where does it end there has to be a cut off date somewhere.

No, not Welsh either, North West England. Everyone in my area that sends a kid to a nursery within a school says they're at school. They might say in nursery at school but a school and a nursery are different. Maybe it is a regional/area thing I wasn't aware of who knows

English children start school too young. In my country, most children are five when they start, even though they are allowed to start at four. School is a serious business, let children be children for as long as possible before they join the educational rat race. There are a lot of advantages and very few disadvantages of starting school at five or even six.

YABU to expect parents to disadvantage their own kids, just to make yours feel better.

We all want the best for our own kids

Also based in Scotland and I find it interesting how divisive the topic is. My October born daughter was due to start in august but we have deferred due to awaiting ASN assessment and various physical issues that are still under investigation. She is fine academically- just struggles a bit with busy spaces (won’t eat her snack in nursery as the snack room is too busy for example). So I know things like the dining hall and assembly would overwhelm her. It wasn’t a huge thing- we just told the nursery and received an email from the LEA to say that’s fine.

Why "should" she if her child is ready for school? If she's in nursery for example and all her pals go up to school and she just repeats a year? Maybe it would suit some kids and it's good there's an option for that, but others would get bored and frustrated.

I was born in July and wasn't even the youngest by far, there were several August birthdays in my year and it just wasn't seen as a big deal at all.

When did it become almost standard to just assume anyone born after April should be deferred? As op said, someone has to be youngest.

Can you show me evidence of this?

I’m till not sure how it makes it unfair for anyone else? How does it affect other children? Essentially we start formal education far too young in this country, and in my experience parents do it because they can see their child is not ready. A poster above said that it’s not a big deal in Scotland, and most teachers are very supportive of it. Why is it different in England?

But it’s not about “someone being the youngest” - I have no idea why that’s trotted out all the time.

It’s the fact that research shows that starting school at just turned 4 years old is detrimental (both academically and socially) to the child’s entire education.

If the school starting age was 5 or 6 nobody would probably care if their child was the youngest in the class or not.

It’s the fact that the child is starting school when they have only just turned 4 that is the problem. That’s why parents defer, not because they don’t want their child to be the youngest in the class.

Kids are made to school far too early. Maybe you should have deffered your child.

In some other countries they don't start school until 7 and they are still at the same level as ours that start at 4 years old by the time they are all 12.

Give kids more time.

This ^

Also very common in Australia. Children start school when they are ready, not based on a calendar.