Unfair to defer summer borns

[ifyoudont]

Dd was born late august, is the youngest in her year but instead of rest of her class being just under a year older than her , there’s 4 children who are nearly a year and a half older because they were born April -august the year above and deferred.

Somebody has to be the youngest and somebody the oldest but surely the fairest way is to keep the age difference within a year.

Dd is doing well academically and socially and only really struggling during playtime and PE as she is smaller. A boy in her class has early May birthday but because he was deferred instead of being 3+ months older than her is 15+ months older and the biggest and strongest in the class leading to several incidents where he has injured her.

A family member has a baby due in June and is already mentioned deferring them without knowing how advanced or behind they are going to be.

I definitely do think there are a few exceptions where it can be necessary but it seems to to be often done just because it can. Maybe there should be be stricter guidelines and some sort of test required?

AIBU? If so what am I missing?
I don’t hear people share this opinion often and haven’t shared it with family member

Why should the OP's child be held back? They are doing well academically and socially. They are clearly in an appropriate year for their age and development.
Holding-back a bright child who is ready to progress can lead to them getting bored and regressing.
It would be unfair to risk this for the OP's child just because others in her class took longer than expected to reach the point where they were ready for school and thus make playtime too rough.

It is school, it is a classroom in a school and structured as a school day. They wear the same uniform as the rest of the children in that school. Not compulsory as I said earlier but neither is reception. Its early years education and follows the curriculum. Pre school age 3 can be attended in private nurseries too with more flexible hours perhaps but a 3 or 4 year old attending a school for 3 or 6 hours a day, in a uniform is attending school, they are in the nursery class of the school and the majority of schools have them now.

At the end of day, making the decision to defer or not is in most cases a roll of the dice. We don’t know what the right decision will be or what the outcome will be, all we can do is make a decision at the time and hope it turns out to be the right one.

How can anyone predict how their child will cope at school? How can any of us know what our child’s capabilities will be 5 years down the line?

I thought to myself….

”Would I rather send him at just aged 4 and then potentially watch him struggle and regret that I hadn’t deferred him?”

OR

”Defer him and watch him thrive and be glad that I had delayed his start!”

I couldn’t think of any disadvantages to deferring him compared to lots of potential disadvantages if I didn’t defer him.

He’s currently in year 2 and doing really well. He knows he’s been deferred and that he “should” be in Year 3.

So far I have no regrets about the choice I made and hopefully that won’t change.

@CantStopMoving and as if by magic, the post saying my August born boy is the biggest strongest cleverest (not forgetting tallest. We all love tall boys on MN) in the class, and therefore no one should be allowed to defer their August born child, because my child was fine.

The time they will be annoyed will be secondary school not primary school. My son is now late teens. He would have been livid with me if he knew he could have finished his schooling a year before. He would have also been super annoyed to have not been in the same sports teams as his mates as he would have had to have been in the year above.

Indeed. Perhaps my use of only was confusing - I meant a child who was just 4 years (perhaps born July/Aug) who was expected to be in a formal school setting full time (5 days per week) by the end of Sept. My child at age 4 &4 months went part-time and fell asleep a lot. He had been at nursery 3 days per week. So not a newbie at structured care with other children. They are too young.

It’s not a competition OP. It’s sad for your child and for you that you see it that way. It’s also pretty ignorant and mean spirited to think you know better than a child’s parents what is right for them. if your child is so brilliant then why does it bother you what anyone else is doing?

The guidelines exist for a reason. Summer borns suffer a disadvantage starting school so young, and the guidelines are in place to help correct that disadvantage; not to gain an advantage over others. It doesn’t work like that. Children being happy and thriving in class only benefits their peers and teacher. If you’re truly interested in this issue why not read up on some of the studies around it rather than let your jealousy or competitiveness drive your opinion?

The time they will be annoyed will be secondary school not primary school. My son is now late teens. He would have been livid with me if he knew he could have finished his schooling a year before. He would have also been super annoyed to have not been in the same sports teams as his mates as he would have had to have been in the year above.

On the other hand mine is 15 and very happy that he was deferred. It's given him a chance to be on par with some of his classmates academically - he'd never have managed a year earlier given how much of a struggle it has been. This way he has a chance of further education being an option.

No it really doesn't. The Summerborn campaigns probably spend more time dealing with this misinformation than almost any other. Children who defer a year when joining the state education (in YR) are not disadvantaged and certainly not impacting the schools results in Y11 (tables checking). I've been a data manager in education for nearly a decade. Where has your information come from? Because in England it is seriously wrong.

It is school, it is a classroom in a school and structured as a school day. They wear the same uniform as the rest of the children in that school. Not compulsory as I said earlier but neither is reception. Its early years education and follows the curriculum. Pre school age 3 can be attended in private nurseries too with more flexible hours perhaps but a 3 or 4 year old attending a school for 3 or 6 hours a day, in a uniform is attending school, they are in the nursery class of the school and the majority of schools have them now.

It's not school.

Its nursery. Regardless of uniform or building, it's not school.

Well I will tell my child that if I hadn’t have deferred him then it’s very likely he wouldn’t have done as well in his GCSEs.

My child will have the option to move up to the year he “should” be in at any point during his education and if he ever wants to do that then that’s a discussion we will have at the time.

And with regards to sport, deferred children are given the option to either play with their peers (the school year they are in), OR with the team that is alignment with the school year they “should” have been in.

Although my son is in Year 2, when it comes to his football league he plays with the older children (the Year 3 equivalent) as that’s what he wanted to do but he could have played with the Year 2 team if he had wanted.

I’m in Wales. Maybe I am wrong about England. Teacher with 35 years experience, retired this year.

I see so many of my friends kids who are summer born and started at just 4 really struggling now that the expectations around academics have ramped up; the teacher will often blame them being so young but doesn’t stop them from being expected to meet the required standard. It takes up so much more of the staff’s time and resources trying to bring these kids up to speed which impacts on the rest of the class.

The UK is in the minority starting kids so young; it used to be 5 but moved to 4 when early years funding was introduced and schools realised they could gain some of that ££ if they took kids even younger. It was never about being best for the children, it was a financial decision. Look at the countries where kids do best, they don’t start school until 6 or 7.

For those whose summer borns started young and went on to be astrophysicists, amazing, bravo for them. But there are plenty more who struggled, not just academically, but socially, and why would you not want to allow a system to correct that disadvantage if it could and the parent felt it would help?

I dont agree at all. The govt (over many years) decided that YR in a school was formal education - so into YR they go at compulsory school age, ie age 5. What is odd is that supposedly YR and nursery/pre-school curriculums are identical but clearly they are not. And so, they don't need to "catch up"/ deal with "missed year" - because they haven't. Please remember that these are children that started on time with their correct cohort ie in education at the term following their 5TH birthday.

No it doesn't mean they are Doctors 😳
But you opted to put your children in an alternative nursery to the one a local school was offering, therefore they weren't going to school they were going to a nursery.
Both mine went to nursery from being a baby until they started in the nursery class of a school at 3 Years old. It was a transition, nobody is going to tell a child at 3 years old they are going to nursery when they've been going to nursery already in a completely different place for the previous 2+ years with different staff, and also tell them a place is called Nursery for a year then change the same place to being called School 12 months later where the child is going to gonto until they are either 7 or 11 depending on if ots split infants and juniors or a primary school. Nobody says you are going to reception today or you're going to Year 3..they're going to school.

100% agree with you. Although I've never known a single incident of anyone doing this in real life, only online.
As you say someone needs to be the youngest and beyond early primary it isnt a big deal. "Deferring" just reeks of "my kid must be a head in every single way possible from the very beginning". All seems extremely pretentious and I say this as someone with a July child

The fact you have a July child explains your position; do you feel anxious about not having done it for them? Is that why you’re so judgemental of others?

Better to be the oldest than the youngest. The year older will add to their maturity so they are a year older before going drinking/partying with their younger classmates. Win/win.

No I don't, they are fine as are all the other summer born kids in my older child's class. Like I said don't know a single person who has done this in real life.
Seems to be an online pretentious thing by people who can't stand the idea that their child might not be top of the class

So we wait for them to fail and then do something? Surely being proactive is best.

I have two summer borns. One was ready and started school at correct time. Other is August , developmental delays. I would be setting him up to fail if he started school at 4 years 3 days. I want him to flourish at school, and I think starting at 5, with his full entitlement to a play based curriculum , rather than a year less than autumn borns is exactly what he needs. It is not about him being top of the class because I highly doubt he will be, it’s about not putting him in a situation he is not ready for and allowing him to struggle and fail.

As a teacher, this gets on my nerves. I think children born in August who are showing clear signs of not being ready (toileting issues, still napping etc) should be allowed to defer - or those who were premature (so, should really have been in the year below if they were carried to term) - but these early summer children being in classes with children 15 months younger is bonkers. It doubly advantages the well off too, as they are the ones that can afford another year of childcare/part time work. Those with low incomes often need to get kids into school as soon as they can for finance reasons.

A friend’s son, born in June, was deferred and she now complains he’s bored and not challenged in school.

My nephew was deferred - also June - and now in Y6 he’s winning all the sporting things because he’s loads taller/faster than most. He’s 12 in a few weeks and some in his class are still 10. When his parents send photos on the family whats app of his sporting prowess, I just roll my eyes! Yes, it’s great he’s doing well (and he is) but it’s not an even playing field. I joke that he might be able to pass his driving test before he finishes Y11! 😆

If you don’t know anyone who has done it; and don’t know anything about why one might; how are you in a position to assume or judge those that did?

Fortunately most of the ‘pretentious’ parents you read about care more about the evidence tells us about summer born disadvantages and what’s best for their own child than what some ignorant stranger feels about them.

You roll your eyes at your nephew being happy and thriving at school? Charming.

I'm going to guess you're Welsh? It seems to be a thing in Wales that nursery is called school, in England we still call it nursery, it doesn't seem to confuse the kids at all.

There are plenty of examples in this thread of summer borns doing very well, and if you also did research you would find many reasons why deferring isn't always the best option. Not that many like to admit it, because 'the statistics' tell you everything you need to know.