Unfair to defer summer borns

[ifyoudont]

Dd was born late august, is the youngest in her year but instead of rest of her class being just under a year older than her , there’s 4 children who are nearly a year and a half older because they were born April -august the year above and deferred.

Somebody has to be the youngest and somebody the oldest but surely the fairest way is to keep the age difference within a year.

Dd is doing well academically and socially and only really struggling during playtime and PE as she is smaller. A boy in her class has early May birthday but because he was deferred instead of being 3+ months older than her is 15+ months older and the biggest and strongest in the class leading to several incidents where he has injured her.

A family member has a baby due in June and is already mentioned deferring them without knowing how advanced or behind they are going to be.

I definitely do think there are a few exceptions where it can be necessary but it seems to to be often done just because it can. Maybe there should be be stricter guidelines and some sort of test required?

AIBU? If so what am I missing?
I don’t hear people share this opinion often and haven’t shared it with family member

Stricter guidelines are not needed. Leave it to schools to manage.

You're missing the fact that you should defer your summer born child??

I do know what you mean OP, as you say, someone will always have to be the youngest and if the eldest in the class are now getting older and older then it's not ideal.

I suppose for me it depends on how common deferral is becoming, and so how many of the class are significantly older than the youngest class members? Are we heading to a point where the majority of summer-born children will defer and then it ends up being May children who are the new 'summer-borns'? Or is it still just a few and the majority are joining their standard year group?

I don't believe I knew of anyone who deferred entry when I was at school so it was never an issue. We had one girl who was moved up a year due to ability but that was all.

I agree. If they want to mess with it they should just change the intake to April- March each year.

I agree.

I agree OP. Both of my kids are October born so one of the oldest, but there's a girl in one of the classes who is about to turn 6 next month when some of the other kids are still 4... seems a little bit mad to me.

It sounds like the issue is your school's policy. When we thought about deferring our August born by a year, we were told it would be fine – but she'd skip Reception altogether and start straight into Y1. If your school is allowing deferments to start in Reception I can see why there is an issue with almost six-year-olds starting alongside only just turned four-year-olds. That said, many rural village schools have mixed year groups and that's seems to work.

That's mad.

There are tonnes of kids exactly the same age and yet some are almost twice the size.

It's just how individual humans are.

If there have been 'several incidents' where he's hurt her, THAT'S what needs looking into.

Why? she’s doing above average academically and well socially. It would be giving her and unfair advantage and putting the youngest in the year below in a harder position and I don’t think that’s fair.

This is exactly how it would have worked for me. Both myself and DD are august babies. No deferring. Don't really see the point TBh

Schooling is not a competition 😳

I think some people defer because they want an extra year with their child at home. I think some people defer because their child is not ready academically or socially or physically (eg. not yet toilet trained, unable to hold a pen, still needing a nap etc).

Don't think it matters the reason. It depends on the family.

I think it is people wanting to be special and infantise their child… I have a late August born. She gets on fine. She is our youngest, Imagine if we had deferred …I would have to have them home an extra year at the beginning and then wait an extra year to finish the primary school , school run. No thanks!

My dd's birthday is in June but she is very much ready for school, her cousin is very late August born and it looks unlikely he will be ready for school by next September so is expected he will be deferred. I think a May birthday should be too early for deferral though surely there won't be many who do opt for it with a May/June birthday?

Yes of course there’s going to variation. But there is a relationship between age and size.

dd was always going to be the smallest but instead of the other kids having just up to a year extra to grow there’s some that are well over a year older and bigger

I'd be fine with deferrals from July/August where there's a reason but kids from May should be with their correct cohort.
Not every parent can afford the extra year of childcare and not every parent knows or cares about their child's education, so you could end up with younger ones being even further behind.

I don't think being older makes a child more likely to hurt another child though, I would have actually thought the opposite.

No it's not unfair. Society is a shared endeavour, not a competition.

Giving a summer born who needs it more time before starting school benefits them, their classmates and society as a whole.

If you were happy with your choices, you wouldn't be worrying about other people.

I do agree. My March born is the youngest in his class…. There are April/may/june born kids in his class, but they are a year older than him. It is getting a bit ridiculous

Of course it depends on the reason, especially when a third of the school year can technically defer. It's bonkers when you think about it and should really be based on age but on need otherwise you get parents deferring kids to gain the social, academic and sporting advantages this brings at the expense of all the other kids.

I agree with you that it can cause other problems.

My friend decided against deferring her august born dc because our school HT advised not to. Apparently he suggested that children should only be deferred if there are significant issues. Just “being the youngest” isn’t enough to warrant it in his opinion. TBH I thought that was sensible advice.

What needs to happen is that children who struggle in certain areas - no matter their birthday - are given the support required. A blanket “just defer the young ones” just kicks the can down the road.

My ds7 is the smallest in his year and he has a March birthday. No option to defer him!

FWIW I’m August born.

I tend to agree. I have a late August born and she went with her usual intake. I have a friend who deferred her son purely so he has an advantage over the other children which seems bonkers to me. I think it’s fair enough for a child with additional needs but for some families it’s just to get an advantage.

I have an August born too and think YANBU OP and those people trying to swizz the system now are being extremely short-sighted if their child gets to sixth form, needs an extra year, and can't have it because it's done by age at that end, not year group. It's not always the lowest ability ones who need that extra year to redo A-levels or to start a course, change their mind, and get a do-over. Not to mention sports teams and some other groups like National Youth Theatre all work by age. Railcards are by age. I'd rather my child was younger and got all the advantages of being younger and having more time to sort herself out when she gets older. I think it shouldn't be an option TBH but it's a very popular choice on MN so you're probably going to get pasted for saying it (and me too by agreeing). 🙄

Why "should" you? My eldest son was summer born, started school at 4 years & 4 months & went on to take A levels & go to university. Makes no odds. My other 2 children who started school at a later age did not do so well academically.

If another child keeps hurting your child that needs to be addressed with the school. Their age/ size is irrelevant. Lots of kids learn in mixed age classes.

I have a summer born child I'm not deferring as it doesn't work for us as a family. Other people make other decisions about what is right for their individual situation and their child and that's fine. In the end school isn't a competition and most Sumner born kids catch up by ks2 as the age difference is less of an issue.

I am June born and probably ADHD. I think I would have benefitted from being deferred.