Unfair to defer summer borns

[ifyoudont]

Dd was born late august, is the youngest in her year but instead of rest of her class being just under a year older than her , there’s 4 children who are nearly a year and a half older because they were born April -august the year above and deferred.

Somebody has to be the youngest and somebody the oldest but surely the fairest way is to keep the age difference within a year.

Dd is doing well academically and socially and only really struggling during playtime and PE as she is smaller. A boy in her class has early May birthday but because he was deferred instead of being 3+ months older than her is 15+ months older and the biggest and strongest in the class leading to several incidents where he has injured her.

A family member has a baby due in June and is already mentioned deferring them without knowing how advanced or behind they are going to be.

I definitely do think there are a few exceptions where it can be necessary but it seems to to be often done just because it can. Maybe there should be be stricter guidelines and some sort of test required?

AIBU? If so what am I missing?
I don’t hear people share this opinion often and haven’t shared it with family member

They can delay a school start for children who are April to August born. Schools are getting more and more doing it now. One of my DC has a child in the class who was born April and they started the following year so are 16 months older than some. It shd go on the child not just their DOB

What about twins OP as they are well behind singletons .
My twins were born in April so, we were told, would be behind by more than a year.
What would you suggest OP.

Can I also point out that it's not an easy decision to make... lots of posts on here suggesting that parents who defer are just gaming the system to gain some sort of advantage over other children, and it's just a click of a button and then all sorted. I had to write to the council, provide reports from her nursery, medical evidence, have meetings with potential primaries and secure backing from their head teachers - many of which were rude, unhelpful and judgmental despite her serious medical condition.

I will also, very shortly, be facing the prospect of deferring her into secondary, which is pretty much unchartered territory since the new law came in. She could end up missing a whole year of education, ending up skipping ahead into year 7 from year 5 if no secondaries agree to take her out-of-cohort. It was not an easy decision, but it was the right one for her.

Parents considering this path will be warned and warned again, I can't honestly see anyone going to this much trouble if it's not absolutely necessary for their child.

Why?
she is doing well and developing. Why hold her back, cripple yourself with unnecessary nursery fees just so your kid isn’t the youngest. It’s up to you to get your child school ready.
My friend is born 31/08. In the evening! She thrived at school before this deferring nonsense started and is now a senior nurse

They absolutely are doing this when it's not necessary. I know loads of parents that have done it. It is simply wrong to suggest that the barriers put in place are enough to put the most ambitious or determined parents off. Think what you want about the rights and wrongs of the system but don't pretend it's only being used by those with a genuine need.

I was born in August (6 weeks early, was due mid-late sept) and wasn’t deferred a year.

I don’t really understand the point in it? Like OP says someone has to be the youngest.

The only time it bothered me was when I was in high school / 6th form and everyone was turning 18 but tbf most of my friends were in the year above so I would have still been annoyed even if I was the oldest in my year.

Im glad my mum didn’t defer me, I would have attended school a year later so my mum would have had to pay another year or so child minder fees & nursery fees. I would have l gone to university or started work a year later. (And probably irrelevant for most but I was in the last year of the 3k a year uni fees, so I’m sure 18 y/o me would have resented my mum if she held me back and cost me another 18k in university tuition fees).

It’s not just reception it’s other end of scale too at sixth form. My dc had an end of Aug friend and it was rubbish for her - couldn’t learn to drive like her mates, paid much less at same restaurant job as min wage goes up at 18. She couldn’t even go to the big end of school leaving celebration (fancy dress/pubs around town) it’s really strict on ID now can’t even get in and not drink so they met up with their friends in park after.

I think that summer borns should have been eligible for funded places at the same age as the autumn borns who would be in their class. They are often the ones who need pre-school/nursery more and were disadvantaged by not getting funding at the same time (or before) autumn borns.

I would have deferred my August born if that option had been available at the time. He’s finished school now and did fine but he would have found school much easier if he’d been deferred and allowed to start phonics etc later.

I think some parents would have factored in physical stature into their decision because being sportier than your fellow pupils could be a confidence boost in the playground. (IME many dads are into sports fantasies for their sons)

They certainly don’t need medical evidence everywhere. My friend’s son has no medical needs, he’s neurotypical and had no ‘need’, she just wanted to defer him so she did. Wasn’t hard work at all.

Well, then you made the best decision for you and your child. Other families make different decisions - so what?

If you're jealous, OP, just defer your child. Otherwise just let others choose what they are legally do for their own children and crack on with yours.

In my country it’s far more common for summer born children to be deferred. I’ve known people with children who turned four in January that have been deferred until the following year. If a child has a birthday after March they are usually deferred where I am. Some schools don’t take children unless their 4th birthday is before 1st April on the year they are due to start school. I personally don’t think it does any harm for children to be a little bit older starting school, I believe the research suggests the positives outweigh the negatives but haven’t seen much of it myself just have heard from others that have looked at research on the subject. I think it is better to move towards deferring being the norm rather than the exception.

It’s not a popular opinion op, but I agree with you. There has to be a line drawn somewhere and then if individual children have specific needs, that should be accommodated on a case by case basis. I know a child who has been put into the year below due to additional needs and it’s been written into the EHCP for them. That’s how it should work imo.

My ds is summer born, now in y7. He has always been head and shoulders taller than the autumn born kids in his year, he looks so out of place that when he moved schools in y5 and was sharing sweets for his birthday, a parent I’d just met asked if he was deferred. When I looked at him among the kids in the year below, where he could have been placed, it was ridiculous.
The reality was that aged 4, he could already read fluently, was doing his sisters maths work, and was 99th percentile for height. It would have been completely wrong of me to defer him just because of when his birthday was. Another year at preschool would have been a nightmare.

Not to mention that there is already a problem in finding childcare for younger children. If the places are full of kids who should be in school it’s not helping! I see too many kids being babied, when they are perfectly capable of doing things. This is just another example.

I chose not to defer my ds who is aug 29th birthday and now he has to repeat the whole reception year (which I didn’t know was possible till the HT called us for a meeting).

Not all choices are equally valid especially when they impact other children and families. If I wanted my 10 year old to join Reception then would you have the same ethos?

A tall / big child doesn't always hurt shorter/ smaller children.

Are you suggesting that only short or sleight children get to defer?

@ICantPretend op wanted opinions. Otherwise Mumsnet would all just be saying ‘ You do you’ and ‘ it’s whatever is best for your family’ yawn.

Well then, unfortunately for them, they are in for a nasty shock if they think it will remain that easy. The pressure for them to skip a year in primary will start soon, and if they resist that they will have to navigate the secondary deferment process. I'm dreading it.

I've had posters on this forum telling me that I have disadvantaged my summer born child by not deferring.

This has always been the case in Scotland, Easily 15 months between children or more in any year group. It is not an issue. Tiny 4 year olds starting formal learning is way more of an issue.

does anyone know when this deferring became so common?

I was at primary in the 90s and nobody deferred. I can’t think of a single person in my schooling that was held back, including August borns.

Size is a poor way to determine school groupings. Someone will always be the tinyist.
Those deferred need to be deferred based on social and physical maturity not weight and height.

My eldest was born early August and we didn't defer, and while a bit emotionally immature at certain points throughout primary, is now thriving in secondary - predicted to do well in his GCSEs, you couldn't pick him out of a line-up of his mates as a summerborn. You know your child best, deferring is not for everyone.

About 10 years ago

I wished I could have deferred DD1 very late August born - I think though she did okay in end at Uni - it would have been less stressful for her and us and in end extra year would have meant little.

At time though only way to defer was to go into Y1 - and school wouldn't keep the place. We since moved to Wales and many GCSE exams are sat or even finished in Y10 so did feel she was at a disadavtage.

DS is just summer born though and actually felt he was more behind socially and academically for many years - more so that DD1.

Though 16 + was an issue getting gov bus passes just at peak time for college as her brithday was so late and then her feeling left behind as not old enough to work post GCSE - wanted 16 + - felling left out of pubs clebrations as they truned 18 much earlier in year and being just 18 and then off.