To wonder why on every post someone asks if the poster or people the OP is posting about are neurodivergent

[Lovingthehamsterwheel]

On literally every post, whatever the topic, people ask if the poster or people being posted about are neurodivergent.

I think this is getting a bit out of hand, as a neurodivergent person myself, with adhd and ASD kids, it gets a bit annoying and insulting seeing any quirk or difference being seen as a disability and diminishes the experiences of those who are living with ND.

Am I being unreasinable to think that?

The ones I have seen tend to describe patterns of behaviour that could suggest that, though.

I agree it's pervasive on here.

It’s massively pervasive on here. It has become the default question on MN threads, often used as a way to justify and condone shit behaviour too.

Fortunately real life isn’t like that.

Because it's incomprehensible to some that there are just actually nasty self centred pricks out there living life and making other people's lives hell.

It’s mad on here for it. People seem unable to accept that people can just be dickheads and think that all dick head behaviour must not be their fault and must be linked to neurodivergence. Quite insulting to people actually diagnosed as neurodivergent.

That and narcissism.

Because everyone seems to be these days?

A couple of years ago it was early onset dementia used as an excuse for every bit of bad behaviour.

I agree completely OP.

I think people might see patterns, but also most of the time the person being posted about seems to be an arsehole. Like we all know people who are ND and also quite terrible people.

It was reported in the press a few days ago that the majority of people in the UK now self-identify as neurodivergent. So maybe we can all stop asking the question on MN!

I constantly see it as a way for people to try and excuse away bad behaviour. Which obviously is demeaning to ND people.

Honestly, I think it’s just one of Mn’s weirder quirks, along with not answering your front door unless pre-warned of visitors, getting into your pyjamas at 6 pm, regarding the school run as a terrible torture, claiming to have never been able to make a single friend but nonetheless to have been able to meet, date and marry someone, and throwing around pop psychology diagnoses like ‘narcissist’.

That is grim though.
This country is circling a drain with all this self identify ND drivel, and is hugely detrimental to others.

If the majority are identifying as ND then there needs to be a reappraisal of how education in schools is working, IMO. And workplaces. We're Palaeolithic mammals, not "normal" vs "divergent".

If it’s not autism or ADHD it’s the good old dementia or UTI!

It would be ok if a couple of people posed the question & waited for OP to respond, but it always seems to snowball and end up in 15 pages of thread where everyone just decides that the OP/person in question is ND and the whole point is lost because everyone’s just sharing their own personal experiences and talking about themselves.

I've asked whether the person could be neurodiverse on certain threads.

It's been because the poster has described a number of very likely neurodiverse traits in a person and has been confused about their behaviour.

As a parent of a neurodiverse child the possibility for something like adhd or asd was absolutely jumping out of their description of the situation.

You also don't get many posts along the lines of "my child is behaving absolutely normally, is doing well at school and has lots of friends. What should I do?"

You get "my child can't seem to make or keep friends, can't concentrate in class and will only eat plain pasta. What should I do?"

Sometimes it's bad behaviour. Sometimes it's genuine struggles.

"Neurodiverse drivel." What a lovely description of people different from you.

Shall I tell my neurodiverse child who struggles immensely every day but does her best to fit in that it's all drivel?

ND is a good way to describe that we're all on a spectrum which is true of all humanity. So in one way, we are all ND.

The idea that some of us are and some of us aren't has evolved from a time when everyone had to conform to narrow social stereotypes and those who didn't were 'weird' or 'eccentric'.

If we could just accept that all humans are individuals and that there should be no 'norm' for how to express oneself, other than with decency and humanity, the world would be a much better place.

I said ‘self identify ND drivel’. NOT ‘neurodiverse drivel’.

If you are going to quote me, don’t be selective to fit you’re own narrative. I am sure your ND child has an actual diagnosis, so not remotely connected to what I was saying. 💅

I also said it’s detrimental to others….namely people like your child as it detracts from their actual ND.

Well said OP. On here, it’s used as a justification for everything, along with narcissism and dementia. It’s absolutely infuriating and damaging too.

I can't speak for the poster who wrote that but online there is indeed a lot of ND drivel.

People who make their entire personality about their (usually self diagnosed ND) and turning it into some joke. For example a recent trend on tiktok is "show me your 'tism spoon".

These are not people living with neurodiversity, they are attention seekers completely making a farce of things.

Because lots of people view it as a get out of jail free card, a way to avoid taking responsibility for stuff.

YANBU

It's been a problem here for the last few years. Sometimes it's relevant and sometimes it's based on the tiniest bit of information which could easily be just a personality trait, individual difficulty or just nothing at all.

And acting as if behaviours exhibited by some ND people are diagnostic criteria.

I've seen threads where the OP is talking about their drug-addicted family member causing havoc and receiving replies like "have they been assessed for ADHD? drug problems are really common in people with ADHD"

I saw a thread by an OP saying her DS didn't want to go to school because he wanted to stay home gaming and receiving replies saying probably ADHD/ASC and one poster that was called out, saying that not wanting to go to school and gaming are "the two biggest symptoms of Autism" claiming their DCs psychiatrist said that.

DC or new romantic partners that don't like certain foods? Sounds like Autism OP.

I've had posters on here suggest ASC and when i say no, tell me I really can't be sure that I don't have ASC until I was assessed because women present differently and are good at masking. I know I don;t have ASC because I know the diagnostic criteria and it doesn;t apply. I don;t have difficulties with social communication, interaction or imagination. I am an introvert with anxiety disorders with certain preferences, not Autistic.

I had a similar conversation with a colleague yesterday. Every member of their family was introduced with ‘they’re autistic’, ‘they have ADHD’, ‘they have Asperger’s’ - all self diagnosed. I think we’ve lost sight of the rich pattern of humanity and that we’re all different. Not conforming, liking different things, responding in different ways, can just be a sign we’re human and often these ‘diagnosis’ are offered as an explanation as to why things aren’t going well.

I completely recognise that there are ND people whose conditions cause real difficulties in life. But this trend towards pop psychology seems to discourage developing coping mechanisms and only valuing people by a small sub set of norms. It’s a big wide world out there and we need to stop with the labels.

I reckon something like half the global population could be described as skewing more ND, but then again I think we’re all on the same spectrum and we’re just more this or that.

Thank you for clarifying. I understand the previous comment more now and get the point made. Sorry @MyUmberSeal people dismissing how hard the reality of supporting someone with actual neurodiversity is, is a bit of a sensitive subject.

I don't watch ticktock rubbish like that. I'm too busy dealing with keeping my ND teen safe which is not glamorous or trendy at all and doesn't feature on ticktock.